I know that Nathan’s been the main topic, here, for a couple of weeks now, but he’s been the one taking up the bulk of our time and energy. The other option is to go into horrific detail about the stomach flu I came down with yesterday and all of the … bodily fluids … I’ve been contending with. While it’s been a FASCINATING 24 hours (not really), even I have my pride. Besides, we’ve been really encouraged by the change in our boy. He’s so much more like himself, and not the sullen and scared boy I cried so many tears over.
Last Friday after school we (Matthew, Nathan, me) finally met with the child psychologist. She gave him some coloring sheets and asked him to talk about what he was feeling. She used visuals during our conversation, including one drawing she made of the brain. She showed us the areas of the brain that are where the information first enters, and explained that when that area is “lit up”, everything is a huge deal, even the things that a person loves to do. Until it calms down — by having the person feel safe — they’ll just be locked in that paralyzing space.
She used a few other drawings to show things she was explaining, and they made sense to Nathan. They made sense to us, and it was like an “aha” moment. The last thing she did with him was ask him what he called the feelings he was having, and his answer was “worry.” She showed him a book on worry that we’ll start working through in our next session, and drew one last diagram on a piece of paper. On the left was the section where worry “wins”, the middle is a neutral ground, and the right section is when Nathan is winning against the worry. She asked Nathan to join his siblings upstairs in the play room (we met at the church), and he asked to take the drawings with him. Matthew and I spent another ten minutes or so talking with her and I felt so relieved. There was a reason as to why my sweet boy hasn’t been himself and there are tools to help him through it. I no longer felt like I was at a loss.
The big break that happened to calm down the “lit up” are was Matthew spending all of Wednesday in Nathan’s classroom, working in the corner. As I mentioned last week, he was back to his goofy self that night. On Thursday, Matthew stayed until lunchtime and on Thursday, he left at recess. Nathan called me at lunch to “check in” (We’ve told him he can do this) and his voice was a little watery as he asked me how my day was going. I told him that I was having a good day, and then turned it back to him. We talked about all he had done in the morning and what he had planned for the afternoon. And then, he said goodbye so that he could run off and play with his friends. I was so, so proud of him.
After meeting the psychologist on Friday, we came home for dinner and family time and talked about what we had learned that day. We also talked about our plans to go skiing on Saturday. He loves skiing, he is our best skier (right now) and yet he was saying that he didn’t want to go. We did as we had done the week before; we told him that he did not have to ski. Dad and I would take turns sitting with him if he wasn’t up for it. This helped him calm down and get to sleep.
Saturday arrived and again, as soon as we were up there, he strapped on his skis and flew. Heck, he even started leading his brother and sister through little trails in the trees. At one point, I was on the chair lift with him and Graham and we were talking about our day. The sun was shining, it was warm, and we were having so much fun. I asked him if he was glad that he had decided to ski.
“Yeah. I’m winning against the worry right now.”
Here’s to a winning streak, little man.
And here’s to a winning streak for Mama too! Oh you are doing the right thing for that awesome dude. It makes my heart happy to read this.
I hope you are feeling better by now. Take care, all of you. Hugs.
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angella Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 5:50 pm
Thanks, Charlotte. You are such a great friend and encourager.
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Awwwwwwwww! Awesome! So glad to hear he is doing better. (Sorry to hear about your flu. Brutal yucky. Feel better soon!)
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angella Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 5:52 pm
This afternoon is better! I just had a piece of toast, and think it might stick.
Nathan’s having a GREAT day.
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I love it when a good psychologist can give someone “tools for their toolkit”- new ways of dealing with problems successfully.
You’ve certainly had a lot of things go on lately- I’m sorry you are ill on top of it. When everything goes wrong at once, my husband likes to kid me that we’re being efficient in dealing with all the problems and getting them out of the way so we can go on to more pleasant things. Here’s hoping that you’ve just been efficient and the rest of this year will go much more smoothly.
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angella Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 5:53 pm
I love that visual! Getting all of the problems dealt with now, and better times ahead. Here’s hoping!
And, yes. The new tools for my toolkit have me feeling better equipped.
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I am so glad you are winning!! I’ve been praying, and I will keep on doing so.
Love you xx
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angella Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 5:53 pm
Love you too, Hannah. And thanks.
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Oh, yay! That is good news!
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angella Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 5:54 pm
It is! SO MUCH BETTER than it was.
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Yay for winning!!
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angella Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Indeed!
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Such great news, lady! (Has there been any indication that something triggered this? Or is it just one of those things that happens? Only curious because as an anxious soon to be parent I need something else to obsess about.
)
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angella Reply:
February 14th, 2012 at 6:02 pm
He’s had smaller episodes in the past, but we think this one was triggered by the night Matthew and I were at a concert. Emily barfed a few times AND the power went out. I’m SO GLAD it was the kids’ 23-year-old Auntie babysitting, and not one of our teenage babysitters.
We were at home the next two days, and he was his usual self, but once Monday hit and he had to go to school, he started complaining about his tummy hurting.
(Don’t worry about this stuff yet – it may never even happen. The other two have never had anxiety like this.
)
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So happy to hear it! I’ve been praying HARD for that little man and for you!
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Thumbs up! You are on your way! All of you! Together!!! XO
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I’m so happy to hear this and so glad for you all and hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs!
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We have dealt with this with Celia for the past year. Let me first say, YOU are an awesome mom for doing all that you are doing for him and the family.
Man, it’s hard being a mom.
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anxiety has to be one of the hardest issues to deal with; particularly for children.
you guys are doing a great job of being there for him.
letting him have control, and safety.
i’m so glad you have a therapist that gets it and can help you.
let the WINNING and healing continue!
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So happy to hear this news, Angella! YAY for winning! xo
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With you guys in Nathan’s corner, fighting for him every step of the way, I don’t see how the worry could possibly win. So glad to hear things are getting better!
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Sounds like you are all doing so much better and that is wonderful. (although sorry about the stomach stuff, you know from twitter that I can relate. ugh.)
I hope the winning continues…
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Oh, this is great! So glad to hear that your appointment was so helpful and things are looking up. You guys are such good parents.
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Awww, yeah! Good for Nathan (and you guys). Hope it continues.
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“Yeah. I’m winning against the worry right now.” Omigosh. AMAZING! Something we can ALL learn from your brave boy! I pray this continues. Love you guys! Thinking of you often these days. I’m so glad you have the opportunity to share those moments with your kids up at the hill. What a treasure!
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I seriously teared up when I read “I’m winning against the worry”. SO GREAT. Thanks for being so transparent with this journey!
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YAY!!!! So awesome!!! I’m so glad you guys saw a psychologist. I am a big fan of psychologists. They just put things so that they make sense, instead of being a big discombobulated mess. So happy he’s doing better!!
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This is great news – it sounds like you are arming Nathan with the right tools to work this out – but what a difficult time to be going through! I appreciate your honesty and think he’s so lucky to have a mom like you!
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I believe that “Winning” is not just a simple achievements that we take.. Because you need to give more than what you can in order to attain it.
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This post can motivate a lot of people and I am sure this can help me too…Thanks a lot!
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I am so happy that Nathan is finding the strength to win against his worry. It’s huge and can seem insurmountable – he is such a brave little guy. You and Matthew are doing an excellent job of supporting him and making him feel strong. xoxo
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Winning has a lot of meaning…For some, it doesn’t mean they succeed in their field…But thanks for this one…
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