Emily loves to hang out with me in the mornings as I get ready for the day. She will perch herself upon a stool in the bathroom while I haul out all of the lotions and potions and pretty colors that I have in my arsenal. She is endlessly fascinated by the process in which I apply all of these things to my face. A friend’s daughter recently applied eyeshadow onto Emily’s eyelids, so she will sometimes request that I do the same to her (In PINK, of course).
A short while ago she threw out a question in the true nature of a Preschooler.
“Why do you wear makeup?”
I put down my applicator brush and resisted saying the first thing that popped into my head.
It makes me feel pretty.
I didn’t want to say those words to her because I don’t want her to think that being “pretty” depends on makeup. I struggled with how to respond and finally came up with, “I like how it makes my eyes look.”
I’ve spent the time since then mulling over her question. Why do I wear makeup? I apply it each and every morning, regardless of whether I am at home, out and about, or on vacation. The amount that I apply varies, depending on the circumstances, but there is always lip gloss (My lips are flesh colored) and mascara (My eyelashes are blond)(Yes, really.)
I started wearing makeup as soon as my parents allowed me to, complete with blue eyeshadow, blue eyeliner and blue mascara. It was as awesome as you can imagine. Over the years I became more understated and stuck with a little bit of eyeliner, a little bit more of mascara and the ever-present lip tinting.
When I first became a Mom I didn’t let the makeup habit slide. When I got up for the day (officially)(Newborns are hard)(Yo) I would have a shower and “put on my face.” Those two things made me feel more awake, present, alive.
Call me shallow or superficial or whatever. I just know that (for me) it made a difference to my mental state to clean myself up every morning, paint-by-numbers included.
I am out of the Newborn stage but still find that a morning shower and makeup applique help me face (Ha!) the day with a brave(ish) front.
I still don’t know the why behind it. I have friends who never wear makeup and I not only think that they are beautiful, I applaud them in how they shrug their shoulders at the makeup counter. Yet I cannot join their club of ne’er do (makeup) wells. I like to wear it, I like how it makes me look, I do not feel guilty in the least for the fact that it makes me feel pretty.
However. I have a daughter. She is a preschooler who will morph into a school-aged kid who will morph into a pre-teen who will morph into a teenager who will morph into a woman.
I have been through all of those stages and struggled with the hormones and the unrequited love and the insecurities and the feelings of being “unpretty.” I pray that she doesn’t have to wade through the same muddy waters that I did but it’s pretty much guaranteed that she will. She is a girl and as such will likely deal with much of the same that I did (and still do) while figuring out who she is.
How will makeup fit into her, well, makeup? I don’t know.
I still don’t know how to answer her question of why I wear makeup. I don’t know if I ever will. I just know that I like the results.
I’d love some feedback on this. Do you wear makeup? Why or why not?
I NEVER used to wear make-up. NEVER. Until I turned 30 (18 months ago). Now I wear it quite often. Why? I think I felt that my face *finally* needed a helping hand, thanks to the ageing process that is beginning.
I don’t like the “caked on” look, though. Mostly I stick with mascara, eyeliner and lip gloss. Pretty simple, but it seems to help me look a wee bit younger. Like, 29.
.-= Hannah´s last blog ..“Healthy” food =-.
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I wear make-up now, and I’m realizing that it makes me feel more confident. But my boyfriend can never tell if I’m wearing make-up, so I definitely go for the natural look. And if I’m wearing make-up you pretty much know I’ve got a zit to cover.
My first thought would have been the same as yours, “It makes me feel pretty” but I’ve never thought of the way a child would interpret that.
.-= Julienne´s last blog ..Finding my faith – part one. =-.
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I rarely wear makeup. I don’t wear makeup to work unless I’m positive I won’t be going to the gym during my lunch break. I sweat too much and my face gets red at the gym so I don’t think I’d be able to reapply said makeup. I just go without- red face and all.
I will wear makeup for special occasions though but I don’t always know how to apply it properly or what colors look best on me. My mother never wore makeup so maybe that’s why I never learned?
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I felt compelled to write. My life isn’t parallel to yours–I’m 25, single, no kids, I work in college athletics. However, that one question–why?–so completely summed up where I stand on makeup because if someone asked me that question, I’d have the same reaction you did: It makes me feel pretty. I envy my best friends who don’t need it but I do *need* it.
This doesn’t really offer any advice on how to feel like you don’t need to wear makeup or offer another reason why you should wear it, I just had to let you know I agreed/understood 100% of the emotions you put into that entry. I know I’m not the only one who, for lack of a better word, feels “naked” without it and wishes she didn’t need so stinking much.
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I wear eye make up only to highlight my eyes…i am red headed with a fair freckled skin tone. BUT I only wear it to work or if we go out on the weekends. I’m 36 and only started wearing it this consistently within the past 10 years or so. My mother wears gobs and gobs of makeup takes her 2 hours to get ready, it takes me 35 minutes from shower to shoes!!
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I never wear make-up. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve worn make-up because the number of times is: 1. My wedding. I wore flesh-colored eye shadow at my wedding because I have very prominent veins that I didn’t want to show up in photos.
My mother wore make-up and my grandmother wears make-up and my sisters all wear make-up, so I have no idea why I don’t. I just…well…don’t. And now it’s been so long that I probably couldn’t if I wanted to – I have no idea how to apply most of it anymore.
Good luck finding a way to explain make-up to your daughter. Obviously, my mother was able to somehow explain her make-up to me without me ever feeling like I needed it to be pretty, so I’m sure that you can do the same =)
.-= Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com´s last blog ..Call me crazy. =-.
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I’ve never been a big make-up person and very rarely wear it. The only time I did with any sort of consistency was when I was working, but even then it was all very, very lightly applied. For the most part these days, my only make-up staple is chapstick. I’m lucky to even get a shower.
.-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Friends in the Age of Facebook =-.
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I wear makeup sometimes. Not most days, because I’m lazy and I work from home. If I do wear makeup it tends to be just eye makeup and a bit of lip gloss.
I do love makeup, though. I even wrote a post about it once: http://duwaxloolu.blogspot.com/2008/03/i-love-makeup.html
And here’s the nice thing about makeup. It’s not MAKING you pretty. It’s highlighting the pretty features you already have.
.-= Jess´s last blog ..Dear Torsten =-.
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I wore make-up a little bit in high school, but just because everyone else was doing it, and I didn’t want to feel left out. I’d wait until I was at school, then I’d run into the girls bathroom and put it on. I’m sure it looked hideous, as I had no clue what I was doing. My mom never taught me about it, and I was too embarrassed to ask my friends, so I never learned.
I rarely wear makeup these days – only if it’s a special occasion, or I’m going downtown for a night out or whatever. Even then I just wear mascara, eyeshadow and lipstick. I don’t need to wear makeup, as my skin has always been flawless *knock on wood*, so it really isn’t necessary unless I want to feel pretty.
I do want to learn how to do it better, because I’d like to branch out of the same old routine I always do, but it’s a little embarrassing to be almost 30, yet know nothing about it. I would feel pretty silly going up to a makeup counter at a department store or wherever and asking for help.
.-= Sharon´s last blog ..Tuesday Tidbits =-.
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I used to never wear makeup. Partly because I hated the idea that I was pandering to the world’s definition of pretty, like I wasn’t pretty enough. Also partly because I didn’t have contacts for a while and my vision is so bad I couldn’t see my eyes well enough to put eyeliner on one eye while looking with my other eye. Also because a lot of makeups aren’t hypo-allergenic enough for me.
Now I do wear makeup. Eyeliner, eyeshadow, lipstick. I don’t know what the change is…it’s probably a number of things.
How do you feel about telling Emily “I wear makeup because I like to”? It’s simple, it’s direct, it’s honest, and it frees her up to wear makeup, too, if she wants to (when she’s old enough). The trick will be to explain WHY you want to! Hopefully she won’t ask for a long, long time.
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I am like you and I love me some make-up. I figure if spending 3 minutes brushing on shadow and spreading on gloss makes me feel a little more confident, a little more put together, then it’s worth it.
.-= Amanda Brown´s last blog ..Year One =-.
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Delurking to comment, since I too have a daughter who recently asked that question. She’s almost 6.
I put on a little makeup every day. Some cheek stain, mascara, usually eyeliner. And she asked me recently why. Not sure what to say, I told her it was like her pink boots. She likes to wear them because they make her feel good, right? I wear makeup for the same reason. I like the way it makes me feel. I’m pretty without it, but I enjoy the process of putting it on.
It seemed to work. Granted, she hasn’t taken off the pink boots since then, but I tried.
.-= blooot´s last blog ..snaps =-.
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hmm… tough question.
When I was a camp counselor, I made a commitment to not wear any make-up that whole summer. I wanted the impressionable young girls in my cabin to see someone who was “comfortable in their own skin”… that being said, the minute camp was over, the mascara came back – I mean really, a world without mascara??!
I agree with “bloot’s”, I don’t know if wearing make-up is any different than wearing an outfit or jewelry or anything else.
I think the key is that you are comfortable being YOU, that you aren’t using it to cover up or hide… that you recognize, that even without makeup you’d still be beautiful because of who you are, not what you look like… good luck explaining that to a child though!
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This is a topic I have dealt with A TON in my life and I’m barely 24! I have ALWAYS had horrible skin, I mean, not just a few pimples on the forehead or chin, but SEVERE acne.
In high school I always wore cover-up because of my acne, but played alot of sports and was a bit of a tom-boy so didn’t really play up any features or anything.
I looked back on my 22nd birthday photos and cringe. I had talked to the doctor MANY times and they always suggested creams, said I’d grow out of it, change my diet…
Grow out of it!? Its been ongoing for almost 10 years at this point! The last option was to try accutane. It can have severe side effects for different people, like depression, weight gain, stomach pain…etc. It worked WONDERS for me. Within 3 months my skin was flawless.
My friends still bug me when I touch up my make-up at random times, but it’s almost like a habit. I do have damaged skin from the acne, so without make-up my skin is quite red. As for telling Emily, I agree with how you handled it, it’s not necessary, but you feel pretty when you wear it.
In my case, I wear make-up because only a few short years ago I wouldn’t even step out in public without it. Thank goodness things have changed for the better, but unfortunately old habits never really die! The plus side, I am much more comfortable now than I ever was to wear no make-up…sometimes.
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1. You’re GORGEOUS. I’ve only seen you WITH makeup, but I assume you’d look just as great WITHOUT it. Yes, i do think that.
2. I think that your daughter will gain wisdom from you – that she will gain from your experience. And a trip to the makeup counter one day might be quite fun.
3. I wear it for a couple reasons. I ALWAYS wear mascara because otherwise I look like a boy. Seriously. You’ve met my brother, I look like him HARDCORE if I do not wear mascara. I wear cover-up (or whatever you call that stuff in my compact) because my face is SPLOTCHY and YUCKY and without it I look like a teenager going through puberty. It’s just not pretty. If I had clear skin? I’d only wear eye makeup. I just like it.
Kaylie asked me the same question, and I can’t remember what I answered her. I sometimes put a little (pink!) eyeshadow on her, and she loves it and goes to show her dad who says, “JENNIFER!”
.-= Jen´s last blog ..thoughtless =-.
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Great post and question. I’ve worn make up since I was in high school. I’ve never worn THAT much and like some others have commented, most of the time the blokes I date can’t tell (that’s a good make up job!). I guess I wear it for that extra boost. At this point (36 years old) my face looks blah without some mascara and blush and gloss but that’s probably just how I’ve trained myself to see my own face over the years. I don’t feel like I need make up but I like it.
.-= Sizzle´s last blog ..The Door Is Open =-.
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Hmmm – I only wear it at an occasion (ie, a wedidng) and then? Only if I’m trying to hide a pimple or splotchy area
If I do wear it, it looks very natural so it doesn’t even look like I’m wearing anything…
My mom wore make-up all the time. I thought it was unnecessary. She was beautiful without it… and still is
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Oh hell yes, I wear make-up. Almost every day. I don’t really know why either, other than it makes me look nicer. I can’t imagine giving it up, to be honest.
We’ve just found out that the baby we’re expecting is a girl, and I’m wondering how to tread the line between making her feel she’s beautiful, and teaching her that physical beauty is not important. It’s a contradiction in terms. L
This is why I found the idea of having a girl more daunting than the idea of having a boy. But I’ll do my best to make sure she never feels unpretty.
.-= bokker´s last blog ..A large glass of whine =-.
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I have been dealing with the same question for a couple years from my now 6 year old daughter. I am a working mom and have always worn some light make-up (powder, eyeliner, lip gloss). At about 3 she started watching and asking me why I wore make-up. I told her that make-up is something fun that teenagers and adult girls get to use if they want to. I emphansize that both her and I are beautiful without it, but its one of those fun things about being a girl and that when we get old enough we can decide if its something we want to use. Its not for little girls and we don’t NEED it. Its like earrings, there fun, but not necessary. When she is older she can decide if she NEEDS it, but for now she just knows that its a fun girly thing and mommy likes how her eyes look with eyeliner (yes, I’ve used that one too!).
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I wear make up every day. I’m exactly how you describe, I don’t feel awake until I have showered and done my make up. I put on a light foundation, a light lipstick and blush. I really don’t feel like I can function until this has happened. I call my shower my morning cup of coffee.
I’m pretty sure I know why I do this, because of my mother. My mom is a great mom and I don’t want to make her sound bad in any way. She just always stressed how important it was that I “put on my face” every morning. If my lipstick wears off, I’m really uncomfortable until I’m able to reapply. I sound kind of wacky after reading that.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Mental Health =-.
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I feel like I am the poster child for why makeup was invented. It’s like Dr. Jekyll/Mr.Hyde. When I don’t wear it people ask me if I’m sick or feeling ok. Not that I’m some stunning creature once it’s on or anything… it’s just a vast improvement.
My eyes are my best feature on my face so I wear a lot of eye makeup. And because I wear so much eye makeup, I tend to not put anything on my lips to balance it out. At most I will put on some CG Lipslicks which is just tinted gloss. But once it wears off I don’t find myself reapplying.
If I’m having a day where I don’t want to wear makeup then I just put on foundation, mascara, and color in my eyebrows.
If only I could be one of those women who looked better without it than with it.
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Although I have grown very slack in the daily makeup department (I am not so good at the 2 kids and makeup and work routine) I do love my goop. Putting my makeup on along with straightening my naturally disasterous hair (half curly half not so much) are two rituals that are purely feminine to me. They are the things that make me still feel like a girl/woman when all I feel like is a snot encrusted Mom.
I tell Bethy that my makeup helps make the beautiful eyes God already gave us stand out to others and shine! I say it’s like my “picture frame” she thinks that’s funny and I feel like I’m instilling a teeny tiny bit of positive body image in her.
.-= Ashley´s last blog ..Brigade Parade =-.
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I wear make up mostly to cover up the redness on my face. When I do that my face appears pasty and so I add some blush a bit of light eye shadow and mascara. Most days I don’t do anything with my lips, I do apply chapstick A.LOT. My older daughter started wearing mascara to school last year (8th grade) This year she does her make up every morning before school and she does a fantastic job! I have no idea where she gets this skill from because it certainly is lost on me. She is beautiful without the make up but when she does up her eyes they are AMAZING. My younger daughter isn’t allowed to wear make up out yet (6th grade) and she just wants to because her sister is.
.-= Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..You Capture-Macro Edition =-.
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That would be a tough one and I actually remember a young mom neighbor tell me as a pre-teen that once you start wearing make up you need it to feel pretty. I think that is partially true but I also have no trouble at all going out in public with not a stitch of make up on. It just depends on my mood… and the fact that in pictures you can’t even tell if I am wearing it or not! Why go through all that trouble unless I feel like it
.-= Kami’s Khlopchyk´s last blog ..Why do kids have to inherit their parent’s bad characteristics? =-.
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I’ve never really worn makeup. Not sure why.
If I do put something on, for a special occasion, I use powder/blush, mascara (eyelash curler) and colored gloss.
I am getting my hair and makeup done this Saturday for my birthday dinner night out. So, maybe I’ll learn a trick or two, or I’ll realize even more why I don’t wear it. ha!
.-= little miss mel´s last blog ..My very own Fresh Beats Live in concert! =-.
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Great post Angella!
I’ll join you firmly in the makeup camp. I also don’t really have a reason, I just like the way it makes me look. I never leave the house without mascara, under-eye concealer and a little powder. Actually, camping is pretty much the only exception to this. I own waaaay too much makeup and I love to wander in Sephora while trying desperately to keep the credit card firmly in my wallet.
I’ve had a bunch of clients this year who wear none at all except for their wedding day and I applaud them for being able to look so awesome without it… but just as they don’t need to explain their choice, neither do I. I just like makeup, as they probably don’t like makeup… we all have our likes/dislikes!
.-= Jennifer Kirk´s last blog ..Jenn & Kyle, part 2 =-.
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I love this post as much as I love black eyeliner and black mascara.
Fantastically written.
xox
.-= heidikins´s last blog ..heidikins and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day =-.
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I do and I don’t. I wear pressed powder pretty much every day (my dry skin requires a heavy-duty moisturizer, which makes me a bit shiny) and I try to wear mascara every day (but I often can’t be bothered.) If I’m going out with friends or someplace that my photo will be taken, I wear powder, mascara, eye shadow, blush, lipstick, etc. I’m a bit vain, is what I’m saying.
.-= hillary´s last blog ..You’re Falling Out Something Ain’t Here =-.
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I wear makeup most of the time. I always wear it if I’m going to work or going out for the evening to a restaurant or for a night on the town. I rarely bother if I’m staying home all day or running around town doing errands like grocery shopping, and sometimes I skip makeup if I’m just meeting up with close friends for a girl’s night in or just for coffee… or sometimes I’ll do a minimal makeup routine. I think letting my skin “breathe” without covering it up with makeup is good for it some of the time so I try to give it a rest on the weekends for the most part.
Makeup DOES make me feel pretty, but it also makes me feel more polished for work, sort of like high heels instead of flats. It’s a way of dressing up my face to look more pulled-together – it’s not because I don’t think I’m pretty without it, I just look DIFFERENT with it. I also think it’s fun and creative to play with different colours and different ways of applying it, and how that can highlight different features of my face. I don’t know if Emily can understand those concepts yet, but if it was my child asking me why I wear makeup, that is what I would tell her.
.-= sparklytosingle´s last blog ..My Teenage Celebrity Crush =-.
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I love simple make-up and (admittedly love not wearing make-up, too) so in theory that’s what I wear. I do sometimes like to vamp up my eyes if I’m going out someplace fancy, but I always think subtle make-up is the prettiest.
If my face gets sun-kissed in the summer I wear just mascara (waterproof, of course). In the winter my face definitely needs more moisturizing and a bit of warming up.
(You are beautiful with or without make-up, by the way.)
.-= Kerri Anne´s last blog ..B is for Books, Better Than Kindle, Big Big Nerd =-.
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I don’t wear make-up because I’m lazy.
I own it. I like it. It makes me feel pretty. (I have blond eyelashes and flesh lips too! In fact I am pale head to toe.) I just don’t want to take the extra 5 minutes on most mornings.
If I’m dressed up for some reason, or at a conference, or whatever – I do put it on. Just not everyday.
On a side note. I grew up with a mom that WOULD NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE without her blye eyeshadow and blue mascara. Plus I grew up being ‘not’ popular with lots of unrequited love. And I still ended up being a no make-up gal
.-= Jilian´s last blog ..Pancakes!!! =-.
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I’ve worn makeup almost every day. My daughter is now turning 23 and guess what? She doesn’t wear it except on rare dress-up occasions. She told me that in her field (engineering) it seemed a bit frowned about by the women in the labs. Nobody’s looking rough and grungy but their uniform (so to speak) is a good haircut and khakis- “I’m here to work, not to flirt” sort of outfit.
But me- gotta have that mascara (some of my lashes are going white, the horror!)
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I do wear it most days, especially if I am going out where OTHER people will see me (besides my family). Although lately I’ve been slacking off in that department because I’m so exhausted and I’m good to brush my hair!
I do feel better when I wear it though, much the way you described it.
.-= Elaine´s last blog ..I Gotta Get This Off My Chest =-.
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I never wore makeup until my first job out of college. Yep, you read that right. Even for all my jobs IN college, never put on makeup. But when I was in the “real world” I figured it was something I HAD to do. And all I use is foundation to even out my skin tone and mascara (which is an addition from about 3 years ago.)
I almost wish I never started wearing it. I don’t really like it and I feel societal pressure to do so, to be “pretty”, which I find a bunch of BS.
I think as long as Emily knows she’s beautiful inside and out, she’ll be fine. And I’m pretty sure she’s going to love makeup as much as her mommy!
.-= Kristabella´s last blog ..Laffs =-.
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I wore makeup as a teen and while dating my dh. After we got married he asked, “Why do you wear that stuff?” and didn’t want me wearing it any more. Then I had umpteen kiddos and lacked time to put it on. Not to mention the fact that I have always felt somewhat unsure about my technique for applying it. So, at 45, I don’t wear makeup except on rare occasions.
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I wear makeup daily for work and if I’m going out on a date with my hubby or out with the girls. One of the things I love about weekend and vacations is not having to bother with it. I feel the same way about hair – if I could pull off a pixie I would in a heartbeat. I’ll be honest and admit that there have been a handful of days that I completly forgot the makeup part of my routine and was a bit embarasses when I got to work. I think part of my lack of makeup joy is no matter what I do, it all falls off by 1-2:00. I have no interest in “touching up” mid day, so makeup seems more of a hassle then anything.
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I wear cover-up for my sleep-less bags and more when I go out. Some days I forget and that’s fine with me. I don’t like the work that it takes to put on makeup to actually look good and I feel like I don’t know how to apply it properly anyways. Hair… even less work in my books. Some would call me a slob, though…. I’m sure.
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..The end is in sight =-.
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I’m not a big make-up wearer. Sometimes when there’s a special occassion, like a wedding or something, I’ll wear a bit of eyeliner and shadow, but honestly, that’s extremely rare. I just can’t be bothered, and I kinda think I look pretty without it. I’m really lucky in that my lips are naturally red and I have dark lashes.
Also, I’m much too lazy!
.-= Meg´s last blog ..Defense =-.
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I used to never leave the house without makeup, and I started wearing it as soon as possible. Now, my skin has changed, and I so can’t be bothered. If I’m going out somewhere special, I will make the effort, but the last few times, I just wiped it off. Hate foundation. Love mascara and eye liner.
.-= witchypoo´s last blog ..Mah Drawahs =-.
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I too started wearing makeup as soon as my parents let me. I know just how you feel about it. I love to put on my makeup. I love how it makes me feel I can face another day and look good doing it. I have way too much makeup, but I continue to buy more. All I have to say is that is doesn’t make you shallow that you feel prettier with make up on. As long as you don’t act that way. What wrong with making your self feel good?
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The only time I do not wear makeup is when I leave the house at 5:15 am to go to the yoga studio. All other times I have makeup on. Except possibly when I am deathly ill, but even then I sometimes put on a little.
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..Post-Birthday Depression =-.
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I wear makeup because I feel ugly without it. I know that’s sad and wrong, but it’s the sad and wrong truth.
I would never tell my kids that though. I tell them it’s fun. And I let them try it out for fun now and then. Because it is fun.
I didn’t wear much makeup before I had kids. I never did much with my hair either. And I looked great. Somehow, motherhood made me ugly. Why do I feel this way? Darn it Angella! You’re making me think too hard!
.-= Danica´s last blog ..Christmas is a comin’ =-.
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rarely wear it. never to stay home with littlebean.
when i do wear it, it’s minimal….which does nothing for me. (but at least i feel like i’m “trying”).
wish i ever learned HOW to wear it correctly. or how to make it accentuate anything positive on me.
daily=none.
IF i think of it, IF i go out w/ the bean= powder, possibly feint lipstick or gloss.
rare occasion to go out with The Mr.= powder, blush, barely there lipstick &/or gloss, MAYBE a stroke of mascara.
eyeshadow is pretty rare. and i don’t understand eyeliner. i may put it on just b/c i have it.
how’s this? i actually have the same make up i got when i was allowed to wear it. in the 8th grade. in NINETEEN EIGHTY SEVEN.
do you know it looks very untouched?? and i wore it…. as much as i ever did. until about 5 years ago or so (light pink colors, no funky blues).
i quit not b/c it ran out but b/c i realized maybe i could stand to update …or something??
and i’m already struggling w/ this same type of thing…
1. when can littlebean wear it? and how much?
2. why will i (or won’t i) let her?
3. who the heck will teach her how to use it correctly.
oy vey
.-= mpotter´s last blog ..96 & 97 explained =-.
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