We’ve talked more frequently in the past few weeks than we normally do. It’s not as though either of us is ever at a loss for words – it’s more that we simply don’t have the time. Our days are filled with work, with family, with extra-curricular activities. Before we know it, many weeks have gone by since we last touched base. We always pick up right where we left off, as we are wont to do.
He’s been off of work for the past few weeks, so he has been more apt to pick up the phone and say hello. He, like me, is not one to sit idly by and can only do so many crossword puzzles before he needs to talk to another human being. Last week we got to talking about his leave of absence from work. He has not been in pain, per se, but has had this feeling of little shocks on his left side. As a professional bus driver, he thought it wise to take some time off of work, make a visit to his doctor and see if they could figure out what was causing the discomfort that he is in. His doctor noticed that he had lost some muscle mass on the left side of his chest and had sent him to a specialist in order to run some tests.
He told me that if the tests came back with something serious enough to keep him off of work for a longer time, then he might have to look at buying some canvases and acrylics. He used to paint, nearly forty years ago. He abandoned it along the way but it’s been simmering inside all of this time.
His doctor told him that he would get the results on Wednesday. I asked him to let me know what the outcome was and carried on with my week. I am not a worrier by nature and have never been one to spin a situation twenty different ways. Things would be great, as they always are. He would be fine, as he always is. We would be untouched by tragedy, as we always are.
Wednesday night, my phone rang. We talked about Christmas, about the stocking that his wife had knit for Emily, about the plans we had for the holidays. There was a lull in the conversation and I asked him if he had received the results.
We’ve decided not to say anything until we get a second opinion.
I told him that wasn’t fair, that I deserved to know what was going on, that I wanted to know what to pray for. Was it cancer?
It’s not cancer.
I begged, I pleaded, I cajoled. He caved and told me what was happening. I sat here, weeping, while he put a put a positive spin on it. Much like I would.
Everyone dies, sweetie. I am lucky that I have a time stamp on it; I can make the most of what I have.
Which, yes, and I get that. I do. When the time comes for me to go I am hoping that I have that extra time to hold everyone just a little bit closer. After reading up on what he has, however, I don’t know that I would pick that path to death’s door.
My Dad has ALS, which is also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease. There is no known cause, and no known cure. He has two to five years to live, all of which will consist of his body degenerating.
I know that everyone dies and I know that I have been lucky in my lack of loss and I know that it could be worse somehow. But still. This is my Dad that I’m talking about.
I love you, Daddy.
Oh, Angella. I’m so sorry. What a horrible time of year to get news like that. Thinking of you, and keeping you – and your Dad in my prayers…
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He called me a couple hours ago, but it’s only started to sink in now….
.-= Dayna´s last blog ..Overdue =-.
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Oh Angella, I’m so, so sorry. I’ve been there and it’s the pits. You’re in my thoughts.
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Angella, So sorry to hear about your Dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you hold each other that much closer.
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Oh Angella. I’m so very sorry.
.-= Robyn´s last blog .. =-.
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I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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I’m so sorry. Thinking of you and sending prayers your way.
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I am so sorry. That’s horrible news to receive – to a certain extent, I know what you are going through I hate to see someone go through this. You and your family (especially your dad) are in my prayers.
.-= TUWABVB´s last blog ..We’re Finally Sleeping Together Again =-.
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I’m so sorry to hear that Ange! Thinking of you, your dad and your familiese.
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Angella, I am so, so sorry. I am thinking of you and holding your family in my thoughts.
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I am so sorry to hear about your father. May the Lord help you find comfort and strength. Your family will definitely be in my prayers.
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oh, angella. i am so, so sorry.
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Praying for you and your family.
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I’m sorry to hear this. I pray that he will not be in pain and that he has plenty of time to finish living his life.
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Oh sweetie, I am so sorry! I pray that the disease takes the least painful path as possible.
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Worst news ever. There are no words to convey the pain of the situation. You are in my prayers.
.-= Amanda Brown´s last blog ..It’s Only 8 Seconds Long. Humour Me. =-.
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I am so sorry to hear that. Enjoy every minute you can with him. Take lots of pictures. It sounds dumb but I love to look back at pictures of my uncle and I. I swear sometimes I can smell fresh cut grass and chlorine from the pool (smells he always had on his skin). Your kids and you deserve those memories as well.
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Oh, Angella. I am so sorry. I’m glad you can both put a positive spin on things but I can only imagine how difficult it is to deal with this news. Your family is in my thoughts.
.-= Jess´s last blog ..What are your big issue dealbreakers? =-.
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Oh, Angella. I’m so so so sorry.
.-= She Likes Purple´s last blog ..Perspective, mid-trip =-.
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Angella
I’m so sorry for your sudden news of your father’s health. He is very wise to get a second opinion, and as for the time stamp, I don’t know why doc’s do that…every case depends on the individual (I used to work in healthcare before my kid came).
I am a recent follower of your blog, and from what I can tell, you are a strong and resilient woman. This next stage in your life is not going to be easy, I can say that with experience as we just lost my father-in-law this last summer after a long battle with COPD. Different disease, but watching someone deteriorate is not an easy task for anyone.
I hope and pray your family will become stronger and closer at this time and that you can cherish every moment you can spare with your father. I wish I had had the chance, I lost my pop’s suddenly when I was 9.
Good luck to your family and keep your chin up
love and prayers
Karina
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Oh Angella, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.
big hugs
from a fellow Canadian living in Italy
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Angella. Thinking of you. C
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I am so sorry to hear this. I am also a daddy’s girl and can’t imagine how I would handle news like this. I am off to call my dad and will be thinking of you and yours and praying for good things.
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I am so sorry, Angella. I can feel your searing pain as you wrote this. There aren’t any cliches or words of wisdom that can make things right; all I can say is that your family and your Dad especially are in my prayers. And that God is on your side.
I will be praying. Hard.
.-= Laura´s last blog ..Psalm 23 and Christmas Cheer =-.
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I’m so, so, so sorry Angella. Big hugs to you.
.-= Miguelina´s last blog ..Everyday Treats Giveaway: $500 in Make Up and Skincare products from L’Bel Paris =-.
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I’m trying not to cry for you. I know what it’s like to lose a dad or to know you are going to lose them. I wish I could give you a big huge hug. I’m so sorry.
.-= Sizzle´s last blog ..Three Stories =-.
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Oh no. I’m so sorry, honey. ALS sucks the big one.
.-= Annika´s last blog ..2009 Goals in Review =-.
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Oh honey I’m so sorry. I wish I could give you a huge hug.
I’ll be praying for you and your whole family.
.-= samantha jo campen´s last blog ..Where we hang our hat =-.
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So, so sorry to hear this.
.-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Window Washer =-.
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Oh Angella. I am so sorry. I have tears in my eyes right now. Prayers, love and hugs to you (and your Dad too).
.-= Rebecca (Bearca)´s last blog ..I can’t believe I’m posting this =-.
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Oh, Angella!! I’m so, so sorry. Hugs, love.
.-= metalia´s last blog ..No Raindrops on Roses, I Swear. =-.
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I am so very sorry, Angella! My dear uncle suffered and eventually passed away from ALS so I understand how devestating this is both for your dad and those who love him! There are simply no words to make it better!
Try to enjoy every moment you have with him and cherish the memories you have yet to make.
.-= ChrisB´s last blog ..Susan W. Cortez =-.
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Oh, Angella. I’m so so sorry. Big hugs to you and your family.
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Oh my. I am so sorry. That would be my worst nightmare. You are in my prayers. I am going to hug my family a little tighter tonight.
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So scary. Praying for strength, health and love shared for your family.
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..The Rocket’s On Steroids =-.
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Angella, I am so so sorry that your family has received such devastating news. You are all in my thoughts.
.-= hillary´s last blog ..I Can See So Far With My Poison Eye =-.
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I’m so sorry Angella.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..I just wanna cry! =-.
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I’m sorry to hear it. I know it’s tough to face that time line. A dear friend at work was diagnosed about 1.5 years ago, and it’s been heard to see a once-vibrant woman’s body turn on her. Her amazing spirit and sweet faith is still there, though, and I see the fruit of her many years of submitting to God’s will in her attitude. I pray the same for you and your family. May your father be open to God’s work in his life.
.-= kvv´s last blog ..A Heart of Thankgiving =-.
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I am so sorry, Angella. That is devastating news.
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Oh Angella, I’m so sorry. You and your dad and all your family will be in my prayers.
.-= bethany actually´s last blog ..Omaha: now with more cousins and snow =-.
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I’m very sorry Angella. <333
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I am so sorry Angella, that is heartbreaking. You and your dad are in my thoughts and prayers.
.-= Kami’s Khlopchyk´s last blog ..Monday Randoms =-.
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Angella, all I can say is that I’m sorry and that, as hard as it is, remember that Jesus will be right there with you through it all. My prayers are with you and your family. I’m glad your dad is getting a second opinion. And Kate’s right: Take lots of pictures. You (and especially the kids) will be glad to have them. Sending a cyber-hug your way!
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With tears in my eyes, I’m so very sorry to read your sad news. I echo previous comments, take lots of pictures.
Lots of hugs.
Lee
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I know you already know this, but I’m here for you babe, always and anytime, and you are so incredibly strong and your family will become so much stronger because of this. In the meantime, and anytime, lean on all of us. We’ll be here.
Love love love you.
.-= Kerri Anne´s last blog ..What Hurts The Most =-.
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Oh, Angella. I’m so sorry.
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Angella, my heart is breaking for you, and I can’t stop my tears. I’m so very sorry to hear this news, and I really feel for you & Dayna (I don’t know your other family members but I feel for them too). I will pray for a miracle for your Dad. I wish I lived closer so I could give you a big hug, but I can’t … so please know how much I love you and how much I care. You know where I am if you ever need me.
.-= Hannah´s last blog ..It’s over!* =-.
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I am shaking and crying for you. Literally. I’m so sorry Angella! Will definitely keep you extra close to my heart – and know that all of us readers (FRIENDS!) who love you will want you to spill your heart out when you feel like you need to.
xoxoxoxo
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what unbearably difficult news to receive. i am sorry that you and your family are going through this.
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I’m sending your family all the love and prayers I can. As I said on Dayna’s blog, we’re all here for you. I’m sorry.
.-= barbetti´s last blog ..I’m always the last one to jump on that bandwagon… =-.
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