For those of you that don’t know Graham personally, let me give you a bit of background.
He is my oldest child, and my oldest son. He was an easy baby. Well, as easy as your first baby is. As a first-time parent I probably made it harder than it really needed to be, but he adapted well to my mild paranoia. He was a good sleeper, smiled a lot, and wasn’t fussy.
As he got older, his quirky personality came out. This kid has a sense of humour far beyond his years. He also cannot contain his excitement. He bounces, he vibrates, and one day I fear he may explode from the sheer volume of emotion that reverberates from him.
It also became apparent to us at an early age that he was a “compliant” child. His only goal in life was to make us happy. To tell him that we were merely a tiny bit disappointed in his actions would cause his world to come crashing down around him. He never went through the “terrible two’s.” He was the kid who stood idly by as other kids took toys right out of his hands. He did not retaliate, even if a kid took a swipe at him.
This child of mine has been replaced…or maybe he’s undergone a slight mutation. Someone left a comment a few weeks ago (I don’t remember who, or on what post, and I’m too lazy to go looking – sorry) and said that their doctor told them that boys get a surge of testosterone around the age of 4. Well, he turns 4 two weeks from today, and I think that person may be right. I also think that Nathan might have clued him in to the fun that he missed by skipping the Terrible Twos, so he’s decided to catch up now.
He is still a sweet and funny boy, but he also has a bit of an attitude at times. The testosterone theory makes sense, because he’s also become more aggressive; with Nathan and with everyone else. He is SO happy when Matthew wrestles with him, and is quite upset when the WWE Smackdown in our house comes to a close.
Matthew and I have to be on top of this aggression/attitude All. Day. Long. The easier route (at least short term) would be to let things slide. Unfortunately (for us…and him) we are long-term people. We want our kids to be able to live in this world of ours and understand that it doesn’t revolve around them. We want them to grow up to be members of the human race who love God, love others, and love themselves.
As a result, I get to hear the never ending sound of my voice. Some phrases I am heard to say many, many, MANY times in a day:
Go say sorry.
Mean it – give a hug.
That’s not for you.
Can I please go to the bathroom by myself?
It’s also balanced by:
Do you know how much I love you?
You make me so very happy.
You’re a funny, funny kid.
Yes, you can have another cookie.
This parenting gig is hard. It’s the hardest job I have ever had. And from what I’ve read, it’s the hardest job on the planet. Some days I get worn down by the magnitude of it all, and by the fact that we are now outnumbered. But I can vouch to the fact that the benefits far outweigh the rewards. We just try to find the humour in it all (hence the last post), and when that doesn’t work we just let the kids beat each other so we don’t have to.
You know I’m kidding. We don’t beat our kids. We do however, deprive them of items necessary to their survival if they do misbehave. You know, things like chocolate, candy and TV. Oh, the horror of it all.
(* Too Much Testosterone is the name of Christy’s Auntie Joyce’s blog. She has SIX (!) sons, and twin (!) grandsons. She’s probably the world expert on testosterone.)
Hahaha…all a girl wants is a little privacy in the bathroom! Geeze! That was comical!
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Testosterone surge? Good luck with that!! Lucky you shouldn’t have that issue with Emily
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Hahaha wait until BOTH boys have the REAl testosterone’surge’:).
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Our little guy (now 6) went through a phase of testosterone surges. Choke holding his sister…oh it was great fun! Those ‘phases’ are not just for boys either, our girl (4 1/2) is currently going through a phase too (not testosterone obviously). Oh the attitude, I swear sometimes I am dealing with a 15 year old!
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I really loved waht you wrote: “We just try to find the humour in it all”…It is so important that you don’t find yourself in the middle of a crisis…You take the funny part from this ligetime job…and this is a lesson to learn for me! Thanks…
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Who told you about the testosterone surge around age 4?? Ah, that person was me!!!!
Ethan and Graham sound VERY similar. Ethan was a very easy baby and an extemely compliant child. He never went through the Terrible Twos. Recently (he is 4 1/2 now) he started to become more aggressive, and, like your boys, had the situation of watching his 2-year-old brother having temper tantrums … something Ethan had never done before. He’s since given them a wee try, and decided he quite likes them. SIGH.
I TOTALLY know where you are coming from!! If it is any consolation, it has gotten a bit easier over the past month or so. I’ve taken to having more BIG conversations with Ethan, and talking about his feelings really seems to help. It’s as though he is just as shocked by his “new” behaviour as we are, and doesn’t always know how to handle it or express it. He gets angry sometimes and we’ve talked about “appropriate” ways of releasing that anger (ie. not hitting his brother). He’s actually found that really helpful. I’m sure this “phase” will be over soon and then hopefully I can give you some hope as to what the future holds with Graham!!
(((HUGS)))) – I’ve been where you are now and I know how tough it can be. I actually grieved, because I felt like I had lost my child and had him replaced with one I didn’t know. But we are getting to know each other again, and deep down he is still there, still the same, still needing us.
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I hear ya! The benefits and rewards of kids are endless but it IS the hardest job
Humour is a little more of God’s grace – I had the same feelings about a week ago!
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Wow…testosterone, love to hate it, hate to love it.
I have no brothers, but like Christy, I have lots of male cousins!(Joyce is also my aunt) Good luck with Graham, Im sure he’ll retain some of his sweetness we all love. 
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I am so in the same boat…surrounded by testosterone. My boys did the terrible two’s though, and are still just as much full of crazy attitude. I keep telling myself that they will be the best pre-teens ever.
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God help me if this new baby is a boy. I can’t handle that much more testosterone. Seriously.
I know what you mean though…having two boys almost the same age we are constantly saying those same things.
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