Time For A Rant

As I mentioned in my last post, I used to rant a whole lot more than I do now. For me, I find that my humor comes out when there is something I need to vent about. My Dad once told me that sarcasm is my “spiritual gift.” Thanks, Dad. (That would be me exercising my “gift.”)

When everything is coming up all sunshine and daisies my life is kind of boring. Boring is great and all (No drama! Huzzah!), but I just feel kind of…meh. Part of me also talks myself (Me, myself and…I?) out of getting all riled up about things because I really do have it good and have nothing to complain about and I should be thankful in all things, blah, blah, blah.

However.

Yesterday morning I woke up in a bad mood and I have no idea why. OK, that’s a lie. I know EXACTLY why. My body did that thing where it wakes up at 4am for NO REASON WHATSOEVER and then my brain turns on and before you know it I am laying there wide awake for TWO HOURS until I get back to sleep for whopping half an hour before it’s time to get up for the day. I’m in the last two weeks of my work contract and already feel like I am barely treading water; physical exhaustion doesn’t help my mental state. Add the fact that it was dark and rainy (We need the rain, yes, but it was DARK. And RAINY) and MY MOOD WAS A LITTLE STORMY.

It seemed that anything and everything was ticking me off. I tried to summon up thoughts of rainbows and unicorns to cheer me up, but then had an epiphany. SCREW IT. I need to rant before I go (even more) nuts. Here are a few things that have ticked me off lately:

1. The big brou-ha-ha between the work-at-home-moms (WAHM) and the work-outside-the-home-moms (WOHM) and the stay-at-home-moms (SAHM). Reading through a lot of the comments made me a little embarrassed to be a woman. Every mom has it hard and everyone‘s situation has too many variables to make sweeping statements that being one type of Mom is “more” hard than another. I have been all three of those “types” of Mom at one point or another and they all had their pros and cons. When I went back to work this spring for two months, I liked the structure and the ability to leave work at work. So much so that I am considering going back to work full-time this fall. But that is my situation. To state that everyone else should agree with me is downright ridiculous. What is that strategy that armies use? Divide and conquer? It appears us women are using that strategy on ourselves.

2. My body/body image. Those who have been around for a while know where I am at in my fitness and health situation. To sum it up, I was a “big girl” growing up, learned how to eat well and exercise in my early twenties, and have gotten even more serious about it in the past year. I go to the gym twice a week and work out at home the other five days. Even though I am seeing muscle tone where I have never seen it before, I still pick my body apart almost daily. Despite all of the exercise I do, I still have a craptastic metabolism which requires that I seriously consider EVERY SINGLE THING I put into my mouth. I would love to eat a handful (or two) of Guiltless Gourmet chips (Or a SANDWICH) without feeling guilty. JUST ONCE. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO HOPE FOR?

3. Diesel. Puppies are cute and cuddly and have eyes that make your heart melt. THEY ARE ALSO REALLY, REALLY HARD. When I finally conceded to getting a puppy, I was working in an office and Matthew was working from home. He promised to be the primary caregiver. Our situation has changed. I am now the one working from home while he works outside of the house four days a week. Trying to fit 30 plus hours of work a week between the schedules of three kids AND A FREAKING DOG is a little tough. (See point #1.)

4. People who don’t respond to emails. Friends are excluded from this rant because GOD KNOWS (He really does) how bad I am at answering emails in my head but never actually sitting down and typing out a response. My peeve is with work-related emails.  Part of my job over at both Work It! Mom and The Daily Grommet is to line up guest posts. I get that you might be a “famous” blogger and have no idea who I am. A standard, “Thanks, but no thanks” email would be awesome. But for those that have requested to be a Facebook friend (and whom I then added) YOU KNOW WHO I AM. ANSWER MY EMAIL ALREADY.

5. Kids using their outside voice inside. I know that you are excited to tell me stuff, BUT SPEAKING ALL IN CAPS LOCK ALL DAY LONG GETS A LITTLE ANNOYING. (Note to self: Chill out on the CAPS LOCK. At least once this rant is finished.) It also makes Mommy have a headache. And possibly need a drink after you go to bed.

6. People at the grocery store telling me that they “also had three boys.” Emily HAS HAIR NOW. She is also wearing a PINK SUNDRESS. I don’t know why you dressed your youngest boy in pink sundresses, BUT EMILY IS A GIRL.

7. That there isn’t a Diet Coke Slurpee.

8. The fact that so many contests and such are only open to US residents. And that so many companies that are in both Canada and the US (I’m looking at YOU, Old Navy/GAP/Banana Republic) DO NOT HAVE ONLINE SHOPPING AVAILABLE TO CANADIANS. I have said it before and I will say it again: CANADIANS ARE PEOPLE TOO.

9. Even after throwing it out on Twitter months ago, I still have no idea how to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce. My local grocery store moved a bunch of stuff around. I had to ask where to find it and am pretty sure the dude I asked thought I had been drinking. AT NINE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING.

10. Mary Murphy. I am seriously hoping that the Hot Tamale Train runs her over. Or at least steam-rolls her vocal chords. To quote Graham: “Her voice hurts my ears.” You and me both, kid. You and me both.

Big. Fat. Sigh.

That felt awesome.

Do you have anything you want to add/vent about? The floor is open, my friends. Have at ‘er.