When I was pregnant with Graham I read a wide array of books. Books are my thing. If I want to learn something, I read about it. Then I put it into practice and apply what I have read. Then it sticks nicely in this (aging! tired!) brain of mine. This learning technique works well for me, whether it is in regards to accounting or photography.
I thought that this learning technique would work when I had children. Read a book, apply it, and everything works. I learn how to be a better parent and my kids learn how to be better, um, kids.
Would you believe me if I told you that I have never tried drugs? Hard to believe, hey?
It’s not as if you can even apply everything you learned (by trial and error…some trial…and even more error) with one child and apply it to another child. Because these creatures children are all COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
Some things are easier, yes. With Graham I was so worried about doing anything “wrong” that I was a little psychotic over-bearing anal-retentive uptight.
I have relaxed. A little. Honest.
While the kids are completely individual little beings, there are some things that are the same. The yelling that occurs before they can formulate words. This is different from the yelling that they do after they can formulate words. The naps. The developmental stages.
Because I know these similarities, as well as the differences, parenting the younger two kids is a little, dare I say, easier. Easier in the fact that I have been through the terrible two’s (more like terrible 12-36 months) twice now, so I am anticipating it again. I have had a glimpse (or five) already. I will master the art (again) of walking away from my child when they writhe and scream and kick their feet. And maybe giggle a little as it is happening because it really is a funny sight.
However. I have one child who is the oldest.
He (surprisingly) keeps GROWING. And getting older. And more “mature”. Just when I think I have him figured out he goes and develops some new vocabulary (or a bit of an attitude) and I find myself back at the bottom of the parenting learning curve.
He has seemed older lately. No longer a little child. More of a big boy. With charm and wit and sarcasm. I have no idea where he gets it from.
Nope. Not a clue.
It is not that he is lippy all of the time. He is still my sweet boy. Who sometimes comes up with a zinger. Here is an example of this newly acquired wit.
Last weekend Matthew was out of town so I was flying solo in the parenting gig (I salute all single Moms!) I decided to treat the kids to take-out chicken fingers and fries to shut them up make them happy. We got home with the food and in the hustle and bustle of trying to get everyone seated and “dinner” dished out I had asked if the kids wanted ketchup.
I was filling water cups and whatnot when Graham and I had the following conversation.
G: “Mommy? I would really like to eat my chicken fingers.”
Me: (Distracted and confused. Nothing new.) “Okay…so eat them.”
G: (Tapping his plate with his finger) “I’d like to eat them, but something is missing. (Taps his chin with his finger) Hmmm…what could it be?”
*blink, blink*
Last night I asked him if he thought I should make rice or potatoes to go with the salmon dinner I was making.
His response?
“Why don’t you figure it out?”
Dude. Bring it.
(Daddy brought it, in case you were wondering.)
Seriously though? When did he get to be such a smarty pants? We have eight years until he is officially a teenager. I cannot even imagine what gems are going to come out of the mouths of all three of my kids in the teenage years.
(Buries head in the sand)
Those baby books? Failed to mention that THE BABIES BECOME BIG PEOPLE.
I have no idea what I am doing, folks. I am completely ill-prepared and ill-equipped. I am learning these parenting skills by using my kids as lab rats. I really hope we can make it through the next twenty years or so without me bunging them up too badly.
This is the part where you tell me that I (probably) won’t scar them for life. Right?
Can you write a book for me?
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It’s hard for me to believe anyone that spouts “Child-bearing and raising is EASY. Sunshine and roses! Yeah!”
OK, so come to think of it, I’ve never heard anyone describe it that way. But, still.
You seem like a wonderful (honest, real, imperfect) mother. In my book those are the best kinds of mothers. And your children are beautiful. : )
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Sometimes, I think that that is what has held me back from entering the parenting world, is that they hurt your feelings!!! I know I hurt my parents feelings ALOT. I hope there is enough better times to make up for the jerky teen and sarcastic you suck Mommy times!! LOL….You are resilient, brave and amazing, I think your kids will have some of that always…Mel
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seriously, Im with you. I have a 9 year old son, I swear some days I have to doa double take and make sure he isnt 15. I grew up with 3 younger brothers, so I know what is to come, but can time give ME a little TIME! seriously I loved when he was sweet and innocent (ok most of the time) and loving and said yes maam to anything i said.. now he has excuses and evaluates everything I say. I put my foot down, because for one, I wont be talked to that way, and for two, my husband has very strong feelings on the way you should treat/act towards a woman, but there are times I let it go because he is learning to be independant, he is learning to think for himself.. but he doesnt have to be a smart a** doing it by gosh!
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Each and every one of us makes it up as we go along.
It is written somewhere in the giant book of “Oh no!” that children will resent their mothers because, somehow, it is all her fault.
The good news is you get to totally spoil the grandbabies.
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HAHA! I read this on the heels of walking away from Paige as she writhed on the ground in a tantrum! I especially like it when she follows me around the house if she’s not getting adequate attention during said tantrum. It’s like a traveling show. The tantrum just follows me from room to room.
Yes, parenting subsequent children is easier, in that so many things I read have read or asked about with the first, I just seem to recall on my own. Maybe easier isn’t the right word…maybe…more about self-confidence? More relaxed? (Okay, I’m not using the correct verb tense, but you get my drift!
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don’t you know we screw up the first one and the subsequent children learn from our mistakes?
but really, i can only imagine you are a wonderfully patient mother who handles these situations like a pro.
though, when you figure out how to handle the attitude thing, will you share? i have it in spades around here.
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I parent by book too! I’m not really sure where they got the terrible twos from either. I agree that it starts at 12 months.
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You (probably) won’t scar them for life.
That conversation is hilarious! Kaylie has developed sarcasm too … no idea where she gets it from either.
Oldest children should receive a medal at the end of their childhood for being the guinea pig (I’m the oldest). If something works/doesn’t work with them, then it changes what you do for the next child.
I know the solution to your problem. Just have a couple dozen more kids and by the last one, you’ll have perfected your parenting. Or you’ll be so sick of kids you’ll just want to shut the 18th one up.
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“Why don’t YOU figure it out.”
Graham slays me.
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I just loved this post … it is so true. Babies become talking preschoolers. Preschoolers become smart alec kids. And the cycle goes on. There is no “real” manual for raising kids. I am just winging it. So far, so good. I have not screwed Little ‘Ny up too bad just yet!
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Haha, no, you won’t scar them for life. But, they may retain the right to be sort-of-fake-but-not-totally-fake bitter about things you say or do.
I’m the oldest, so I was the guinea pig. I make very sure to point out to my parents when they change a rule or method between me and my brother. “Oh yeah, took you one try to realize that was stupid, eh? I’m pretty sure I told you that!”
But it’s all in good fun! Your kiddos will be fine. =)
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Ah, yes. I sympathise. And judging by some the “talk” I hear in the school playground from the older (6 and 7 year-old) boys, it only gets WORSE.
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I was just commenting to Kamden’s preschool teacher that we should get a practice child first to make all our blunders with….
well maybe that wouldn’t work either… the real ones would be nothing like the practice ones anyway.
We’re okay, aren’t we? Okay, don’t answer that. The kids, they will be fine. In spite of our imperfections!
They like to spite us. We’ll go with that – tee hee.
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Ack! That kids got attitude! Apparently blogging serves as a good method of birth control too.
Hang in there!
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They are pretty darn cute lab rats, Angella…
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I’m a reader too, I already read too many things about child-rearing and I don’t have kids yet. (But I assume it’s coming in the next few years, I’m not getting any younger…) People tell me that I’ll relax a little once I actually have the kids. And while you reinforce that a little in this post, you also reinforce the fear that I have… feeling like I have no clue what I’m doing! I guess you just do the best you can with each new stage and it seems like you do pretty damn well!
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What a stinker.
I love him.
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OH what a RIOT! Too funny! And he’s only how old!? Is this what I have to look forward to once Landon starts talking?
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The fact that they actually grow up is mind blowing!!
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The first 40 years of parenting are the hardest.
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I’m constantly surprised that my nephews are no longer babies, or even little boys. They’re … kids, or almost teenagers. They have… ideas and attitudes and smarts and opinions. And Lil Girl has somehow gone from infant to almost 2-year-old so quickly, I am not entirely sure that I haven’t been transported forward in time. You captured it really well in this post!
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amazing photos Angella. Your kids are PHOTOGENIC
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Ha! Kathleen Lindstrom wins best comment award for:
“The first 40 years of parenting are the hardest.”
Annalie has been bringing the funny and the sarcasm lately and, uh, she’s only three and a half.
Just kill me now. I am doomed!
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Hahahahahaahaaa, I still remember how shocked I was when Bec acquired that “smart alecky” sense of humour. I was SO not expecting it….and its so hard to keep a straight face sometimes too!
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So funny!!! It’s those moments that you have to leave the room so the child doesn’t see you laughing!
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