I spent the past few days in the company of (a small part of) my side of the family. My stepmom was introduced to me when I was a three-year-old and she then went on to give birth to the youngest four of my siblings. (Whose bums I used to wipe. They love it when I bring that up.) I would give the entire breakdown of my family tree but even I get mixed up on who is a sibling/auntie/niece/nephew. I’m kidding. Maybe.
The weekend was a bit of a whirlwind, in every sort of wonderful way that you can imagine if you are in the midst of company that you actually, you know, like. There were many times where I was sent into the silent laughter and would be doubled over and trying to breathe. I like The Funny and they brought it. Well, Lance brings it regularly, but the other three took it to a whole new level. Plus, watching my youngest brother and sister in action gave me a glimpse into what Nathan and Emily will be like twelve years from now. That whole love/hate relationship never ends, or so it seems.
It seems as though I am a broken record with the “we went to the beach” Facebook and Twitter statuses but, well, we spent most of our time at the beach. It’s SUNNY. And HOT. I’m not complaining, just coping. Sticking my feet in the lake water makes it bearable. On Saturday afternoon we suddenly found ourselves at the beach without any of the auxiliary family members. It was just us five. Matthew dealt with all of the water splashing nonsense while I read a book. The kids were happy to have Daddy with us for a change and Daddy was more than happy to build sand castles with them. I was more than happy to smile at the knowledge that those fabulous little beings are mine. At least as long as God lets me take care of them on His behalf.
Today, I am in a different head space. The three little people who are flesh of my flesh and bones of my bones are gone. Their clothes and toys have been packed in Grandma’s van and the moment that they have been counting down to for the last two weeks has finally arrived. In all of their innocence and excitement they continually told us how much fun that they were going to have and how they weren’t going to miss us. While fighting back tears (and hiding behind sunglasses) I asked them to let Mommy take a photo of them before they were buckled into Grandma’s van.
They drove away less than an hour ago and I am a swirling mess of jumbled emotions. When the offer was put out there for Matthew and I to have a break from the day-to-day parenting routine, we jumped at the opportunity. He and I would have the chance to connect in the quiet of our own home and the kids would have the experience of a trip to Grandma’s house. While their daily routine might be similar, their experiences will be entirely new. This is something that none of us have experienced before; we have all been looking forward to it with great excitement.
But now it is actually happening. My heart is constricting and I am blinking while big, hot tears run down my face. I miss the way Nathan runs at me at full tilt and wraps his arms around me. I miss the way Graham will walk up to me and state simply, “I love you, Mommy.” I miss crawling into Miss Emily’s Big Girl Bed and holding her hand while she sucks her thumb and looks at me with eyes full of love. I miss the crazily intelligent phrases that Graham comes up with and that look Nathan gets on his face for which there are no words to describe and the way Miss Emily runs with her shoulders back and her arms pumping full speed ahead. I miss the way they smell; like sunshine and happy and amazing all rolled into one.
Deep breath.
I will be fine. They will be fine. I know this. My heart just needs to catch up to my head.
In the meantime I will distract myself with a number of things, including this guy:
We’ll make the best of the time that we’ve been given. It would be a crime not to do so.
Aw, don’t cry! It’s hard to let go, but I am sure it’s going to be such an awesome experience for them and YOU (*end cliche here*)
Amanda Brown’s last blog post..Lazy Taters
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You’ll be fine, I promise!! I remember the first time I left my boys for more than a night or 2, and it was HARD. But after a couple of days I realised that they were fine. They were having fun. I should do the same.
ENJOY your freedom, and just look forward to the wonderful reunion, it is the BEST feeling!!!
Hannah’s last blog post..Making a list ?
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angella Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
I will! It was just so weird to be AT HOME without them here. Today is better. Grocery shopping! Alone!
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Not 3 hours ago I bid my girls farewell until Saturday. My family from Rochester, NY was coming into town for my mom’s reception. All the cousins got along so well my uncle asked if he & my aunt might borrow my girls for the week. The girls were so excited, I couldn’t say no. I don’t think the hubby & I have had a week w/o both of the girls, ever. I am trying really hard right now not to call Giggles’s on her cell phone to see how all is going-and they aren’t even back yet!
Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire’s last blog post..Happy 4th of July
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Aw! I’ve been there; even if they/you are gone for a NIGHT, it’s weird. But…you know, good, too. Try to enjoy the time while they’re gone….they’ll be back soon enough! xoxo
metalia’s last blog post..Oh, Bollocks.
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Enjoy your couple time and trust me, you will enjoy the kids coming home too! Until the first melt down anyway…..
Kami’s Khlopchyk’s last blog post..Wits and Whats*
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Enjoy your time as a couple! What will the 2 of you get up to while the house is kid free? Something good I hope. Seriously
Andrea’s last blog post..Sweet Sweet Summer!
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angella Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
My brother is still here, so we can’t be TOO naughty
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I totally win on the crazy family tree. I have a sister in law twice removed, remember.
witchypoo’s last blog post..SB Introduces Her Neighbours
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I am DYING for someone to want to take my kids, even just for one night! but, I totally know that if it actually were to happen, the first time would be NEARLY impossible…I mean, how could my children BE without me?!
also? My Emily is going to SLEEPOVER camp for a month next summer. I am dying just THINKING about it, and it’s not until next summer!
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How FUN! Enjoy your week!
Janssen’s last blog post..Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
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I know it must be hard, and that you’ll miss your little cutie pies….but WooHoo! they’ll have a blast, and you should, too! Enjoy your time with Matthew (yet I can totally understand the excitement AND the missing of the children). Hey, I can’t find you on Twitter…can you send me a link?
Vicki’s last blog post..If Static Was my Hairdresser…
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angella Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
You’re on Twitter??? I’m AngellaD
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What a great post. Amazing how we get so use to our kids being around, when they are gone it feels…. weird….
Jenn
Jenn’s last blog post..Calaway Park and other Wonderfullness…
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you know what I love? I love how much you love your kids. seriously.
I hope you have a fabulous time with just Matthew!
hillary’s last blog post..Carbon’s Anniversary The Parting Of The Sensory – 10 & 11
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Hmmmm…I’m sure you guys can think of *something* to do while the kids are away, no?
Don Mills Diva’s last blog post..Michael and me
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I hope you two are enjoying your “free” time. It must be hard to be away from such little bundles of love but I suppose we get these reprieves for a reason? Makes us hyper aware of our acute love, right?
Sizzle’s last blog post..Habit Forming
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m sure u’ll be enjoyin the free time with the best of it. i liked those blue eyes
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