Seven Christmases ago, we found out that were were pregnant with our very first baby.  This would be the first baby for Matthew’s parents, the first great-grandbaby for his grandparents. There was no end to the excitement and glee that we were all experiencing.

Six weeks later, all of that changed.  Our baby died, along with the dream.

We waited the requisite full cycle before attempting to get pregnant again, though it pained me to do so.  I wanted nothing more than to be pregnant, to carry my baby to term, to hold a newborn with silky soft skin and all-consuming squishiness.

We got pregnant again the very first month we tried.  We opted this time to keep the news a secret until we had made it past the first trimester.  Because we had lost our first baby early, our doctor sent us for an ultrasound at eleven weeks.  I am pretty sure that I held my breath the entire ten minutes or so that the tech looked inside my body.

When she turned to me and asked if I wanted to see my baby, I smiled with eyes full of tears. And took a big, huge breath.

That following Christmas, I was large and in charge, and beyond uncomfortable. I was due on the 29th and thanks to all of the nachos (and Christmas baking) I had consumed, was borderline pre-eclampsia.  If the baby did not come on its own on that Sunday, I would have been induced on the Monday.

You can read the details here which explain that on that Sunday, December 29, 2002, I gave birth to my firstborn baby.

A son.

I had always wanted to have a son first, so that he could take care of any future sister should we be able give him one.

This boy, Graham, was a blessing. IS a blessing.  Since birth, he has proven himself to be something special.  People around us see it too. He is smart, he is funny, he is quirky.  He is awesome on so many levels.

He has had the usual issues that kids have as they are growing, and learning, and figuring out their voice in the world.  However. He has been relatively easy. He was one of those “good babies” that you hear about and wonder if they really, truly, exist.

I am here to tell you that they do.

This past year has left me at a loss for words.  This baby of mine is reading. Is writing.

He is cracking jokes, making witty comments, BLOWING MY MIND. This baby of mine is now a boy.  A little man.

But he will always be my baby.

Happy Birthday, Graham.

There are not enough words on the planet to express how much I love you.

*Last year’s (equally, if not moreso) sappy birthday post

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Comments:

  1. bethany actually December 29, 2008 12:55 am edit

    This made me all teary-eyed. Happy birthday, Graham!

    bethany actually’s last blog post..the third day of Christmas

  2. Jen December 29, 2008 5:58 am edit

    Happy Birthday Graham!

    Jen’s last blog post..Deck the halls with puke and boogers and goopey eyes …

  3. Rachel December 29, 2008 6:34 am edit

    I got all teary eyed and sniffly and stuff.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY G!!!!!

    Those pics are fabulous. Happy Birth Day to you Angella.

    Rachel’s last blog post..Bebe’s Broccoli Cheese Casserole

  4. Mrs. Wilson December 29, 2008 6:48 am edit

    Little teary and sniffly here too. You’re so eloquent. And a fabulous mom.

    Mrs. Wilson’s last blog post..and people wonder why I don’t miss BC

  5. Kristabella December 29, 2008 7:22 am edit

    Happy Borthday Graham!

    Those cheeks when he was a baby! NOM NOM NOM! And I love the curly hair!

    My nephew is 6 1/2 and when I was over there this weekend I was just blown away with how grown up he is. That was until he started taunting me in Mario Kart.

    Kristabella’s last blog post..A Christmas Recap in Bullet Form

  6. angella December 29, 2008 7:25 am edit

    HE BEAT ME AT BOWLING YESTERDAY. Mommy needs to step up her game…

  7. merrymishaps December 29, 2008 8:00 am edit

    Happy Birthday Graham!

    merrymishaps’s last blog post..weekly winners: sushi and sleepy cats

  8. Domestic Extraordinaire December 29, 2008 8:06 am edit

    Happy Birthday Graham!!

    Domestic Extraordinaire’s last blog post..Do you know what time it is?

  9. She Likes Purple December 29, 2008 8:15 am edit

    Happy birthday, Graham!

    She Likes Purple’s last blog post..Happy (two days after) Christmas!

  10. Kami December 29, 2008 8:34 am edit

    He is such a wonderful boy! Happy Birthday to your G force!

    Kami’s last blog post..Happy Holidays

  11. Ashley December 29, 2008 8:35 am edit

    Happy Birthday Graham!

    Ashley’s last blog post..Away in a Manger…or something like that

  12. Sue @ My Party of 6 December 29, 2008 8:57 am edit

    We had babies on the same day!! Happy birthday, Graham! We are celebrating a 6 year old birthday here too!! (But I can’t write about it because I can’t post to my blog… which is another story…)

    Hope it’s a great day! I was just saying last night (because it was Sunday night) that I can remember every.single detail like it was yesterday. Where did those 6 years go?

    Sue @ My Party of 6′s last blog post..Sucker Punch

  13. Elizabeth December 29, 2008 9:13 am edit

    Happy Birthday Graham!
    Today is also Mr. E’s birthday so I can say for certain that it’s one of those days when all the best people are born.

    Elizabeth’s last blog post..Dear Chicago

  14. Kerri Anne December 29, 2008 9:40 am edit

    I LOVE sappy birthday posts. And Graham.

    Kerri Anne’s last blog post..One Year Later

  15. joyce December 29, 2008 10:10 am edit

    Happy Birthday Graham (with two syllables…I still crack up the whole one syllable Graham thing)! Hope you all enjoy some yummy cake!

    joyce’s last blog post..“Me, Mama, Car, Down” (Hudson’s 4 word version of our accident)

  16. Rhi December 29, 2008 10:29 am edit

    So sweet! Happy Birthday to your sweet boy!

    Rhi’s last blog post..Holiday Recap, in Bullet Form

  17. ELizabeth December 29, 2008 10:53 am edit

    Happy Birthday, sweet Graham!

    ELizabeth’s last blog post..Box-ing Days

  18. Meg December 29, 2008 11:30 am edit

    Oh doodle…he had perfect squishing cheeks (and still does!).
    What an amaing little guy you have there!
    Happy Birthday Graham!!!

    Meg’s last blog post..Frustrated

  19. sizzle December 29, 2008 11:45 am edit

    He’s really such a cutie. Looks like the perfect blend of you and your husband.

    sizzle’s last blog post..In A Drift

  20. Hannah December 29, 2008 12:25 pm edit

    Great post, Angella :-)
    Happy 6th Birthday, Graham!

    Hannah’s last blog post..Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

  21. Elaine December 29, 2008 4:38 pm edit

    Happy Birthday to your sweet, smart boy. I hope he had a great day! : )

    Elaine’s last blog post..Christmas Eve, Good…

  22. SparklieSunShine December 29, 2008 6:12 pm edit

    Lovely post. Happy Birthday to your son and I hope your family had a wonderful Christmas.

  23. Andrea December 29, 2008 7:25 pm edit

    Happiest of birthdays to your firstborn! I hope this is a year that he will always remember as one the best of his life.

    And happy birth-day to you too! Enjoy having your son but without the labor pains! :)

    -Andrea

  24. Danica December 29, 2008 8:00 pm edit

    I love the second picture. Looks so much the same as now.

    Danica’s last blog post..2009

  25. Kristin December 29, 2008 8:44 pm edit

    Happy Birthday to Graham!

    Hope you all enjoy celebrating his birthday. :)

  26. Dayna December 29, 2008 8:53 pm edit

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE! I miss you!

    Love,
    Aunty Dayna

  27. Michele December 29, 2008 9:56 pm edit

    A sweet post for a sweet 6 year old :) Happy Birthday Graham!

  28. hillary December 29, 2008 10:21 pm edit

    Happy Birthday, Graham!

    hillary’s last blog post..In The Arms Of An Angel

  29. Sharon December 29, 2008 11:38 pm edit

    Happy Birthday, Graham!

    Sappy birthday posts are the best! :)

    Sharon’s last blog post..Back into the snowy land of Canada

  30. metalia December 30, 2008 5:54 am edit

    I jus got a little teary-eyed, too! Graham is so lucky to have a mama like you. Happy (belated!) birthday, little man!

    metalia’s last blog post..Dignity? What dignity? Or “Outtakes from December ’08″

  31. jen@Balancing Beauty and Bedlam December 30, 2008 1:00 pm edit

    I found you through Blissfully Dom – first time visitor here and loved your post. happy bday to the little man. :)

    jen@Balancing Beauty and Bedlam’s last blog post..Real time…Right now!

  32. Camels & Chocolate December 30, 2008 3:29 pm edit

    What a cutie patootie. Happy belated, Graham!

    Camels & Chocolate’s last blog post..Encore

  33. Maria December 30, 2008 7:36 pm edit

    Happy Belated Birthday handsome!

    Maria’s last blog post..Fear is a Misemployment of Time

  34. Vicki December 31, 2008 8:48 am edit

    Sorry I missed this yesterday…Happy Birthday, Graham! I know another girl (cuz nobody compares to mommy) who thinks you’re pretty special…Kayla says Happy Birthday, too!

  35. monstergirlee January 1, 2009 10:58 am edit

    I so desperately wanted to have a boy first – for the same reason.
    Happy Birthday Graham! Good job Mama!

    monstergirlee’s last blog post..Ringing The Bell

  36. Roshan January 5, 2009 7:05 pm edit

    A very belated Happy Birthday Graham.

    This is a wonderful post full of motherhood goodness. I loved reading it.

    Roshan’s last blog post..It’s Not Sad Enough

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