I keep backspacing. I don’t know where to begin, or how to end, or how to cram stuff in the middle. I am … unhinged? Maybe that’s not the right word, for you might expect me to assault someone. Maybe you? My usual bubbly self is finding that I’m like a day-old bottle of cracked-open soda. Full of sugar, but completely flat. There isn’t even enough air to make that hissing sound when you crack the top of the bottle.
I’m feeling apathetic. Full of inertia. Low. Very low. For no reason, and for every reason. I made the decision to work from home again, and have had an abundance of work thrown my way. Accounting work, writing work, photography work. I jump between the different worlds, doing the necessities that I need to keep everyone happy. I also find myself sitting at my desk, staring at the screen, wondering where to start. I’m thankful for the work I get to do but sometimes I want to just check out.
I often do that. Check out.
I want to do EVERYTHING and I want to do NOTHING. I should be reading great books or writing in my journal or be relevant, somehow. Instead, I am being nothing. I am doing nothing. I am contributing nothing.
I don’t even know where to go from here.