Brace yourselves - this is a long one.

Thanks, everyone, for your supportive feedback. I didn’t write that post expecting much feedback. I had just read and replied to the email I received and needed to spurt out what I was feeling. I’m definitely feeling better today. A little extra quiet time and time alone can help with perspective.

I am not angry at the girl who wrote me. I don’t know her from, well, Adam. And she does have the right to her own opinions. I think that the reason that I was so upset goes something like this…

If someone that knew me in The Real World had sat me down and shared concerns about what I was posting, I would take it to heart and go from there. When someone knows your heart well, they can give you a gentle reproach and you know that it is likely needed.

In this case, a complete stranger went into lengthy detail about the effect that my postings could have on people who read them, and that they might reflect badly on God. That upset me because this person does not know my heart, so maybe there were others reading that felt the same way. I also disagreed with some of what she said, but that was not the main reason for my being upset.

I stepped back from my computer and thought about why I post what I do. I honestly do think about what I write on here before I post. I don’t post much about what I am learning or what God is doing or showing. Why is that? Well, that can often sound “preachy”, or self-righteous, etc. God likes it when we do good things in secret so as to please him and not to receive the praise of man. Posting that stuff here would not make it very secret.

So, I post about my sweet boys, happenings in our life, and random thoughts that I’m processing. I try and do this through a filter that would make God happy. I will obviously not do that every time, but that is my intent. The post that prompted her email was my attempt to be funny when I didn’t much feel like laughing. I thought it might be a better approach than just saying, “People can just suck sometimes”. Just like I suck sometimes.

I make stupid comments too. Trust me. Nobody’s perfect, me included. Duh.

The other main reason I was so upset is because I am slowly going crazy. Not really, but it sure feels like it. I will put a disclaimer before I continue: it’s my own fault that I’m pregnant (well, Matthew’s too), and I’m not complaining (well, maybe a little), but mostly explaining the hormonal fog I am living in.

In my experience, pregnancy hormones are like PMS hormones on speed. Or maybe crack. I’ve never done either, but from what I’ve seen on TV, they make everything a bit more amplified. Such is the roller coaster that I’ve been riding lately. Pray for Matthew, because he’s been dragged onto this ride too. Poor guy.

One minute I feel like there’s a heavy cloud around my head, and something’s not. quite. right. I can’t put my finger on it for the life of me. Then I’ll watch some lame sappy commercial and burst into tears…or leave a store that is out of newborn sleepers and do the same. Then something will strike me as funny that I laugh harder than I ever do when not pregnant. I can’t breathe, there are tears, and I sometimes even shriek. Or I get that silent laugh that makes me laugh even harder.

I’m not a big PMS person normally. Except for that one day of the month where I am UBER sensitive. Honey will comment that he knows what is coming the next day, to which he doesn’t usually get a very friendly response. The next day I apologize profusely when he is proven right.

These pregnancy hormones are much worse. Add to that the fact that I have one good night of sleep (kind of) followed by one bad night of sleep (up in the middle of the night). The varicose veins are no fun, and my lower back has decided to join the Discomfort Party. My belly just keeps getting bigger, and lower. It also appears that someone has given the baby a big serrated knife and he or she is trying to stab their way through my cervix. Good times, good times.

All of the above is to just let you all in on why I may be more sensitive than usual. I also feel like I’m not as smart as usual. Or witty for that matter. Not that I’m as smart and witty as most of my friends, but I usually feel like I can keep up. Lately…not so much.

It really is all so very much worth it, though. I had my check-up yesterday (perfect!), and we really are getting close to meeting Baby D. I have one more normal check-up on Tuesday. The following Tuesday (the 10th), my doctor will strip my membranes. If that doesn’t get the labour party started, we’ll go in the hospital Wednesday morning. She’ll break my water, and if that doesn’t work by about noon she’ll put me on the drip. That’s 12 days from now, MAX.

There are two other reasons that I know this is all worth it.

Reason #1:

Reason#2:

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