I had a bit of one of those “blog crisis” deelios this past week. I used to have them frequently, post about them, then feel like I was crying wolf because the next day I would be all, “You guys are awesome. I’m not leaving!” Lather, rinse, repeat.
I got tired of my own posts on this topic and learned to just stay silent until my internal drama passed. For we all know that this little space here is a part of me. It is a tiny part of me, yes, but to shut it down would be likened to cutting off my pinky finger. I kind of like having all ten of my digits so we won’t be amputating anytime soon. This is my space. It is all MINE.
Except that sometimes, it is not. Sometimes I want to write about the emotions I am working through and just kind of get all of that inner crap OUT. For once it is out, it is no longer in, and my mind is somewhat clear again. But far too many people read my site who know me in real life. They may or may not take what I have said about myself and make it all about them and then I end up looking like a big, fat jerk. If you know me at all then you know that to think that I have hurt another makes me nauseous. So what started out as a self-realization process turns into me offending another and, well, I wonder if I should just stop altogether. Or just post cheesy photos of my kids and leave the words behind.
Except that I can’t.
I started keeping a journal when I was nine years old. I wrote in one daily until I started this little corner of mine. I couldn’t help it. I still can’t help it. If I keep all of the words inside they turn my mind into a murky soup and my emotions into a discombobulated mess. It is trying to find the balance of writing in a public space that has kicked me behind the knees this week. I should be able to tell my story right? The problem is, sometimes my story involves someone else, whether in actuality or in their imagination. The struggle to be true to myself and write what I want gets flogged by the perceptions of others.
Blerg.
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Luckily for me, I have the most amazing group of friends that any girl could hope for. I had the distinct pleasure of spending a long evening out with them on Friday night.
That would be Karen (Who hasn’t posted in a year), Tamara (Lurker Extraordinaire) and Amanda (She’s the one who originally told me what a blog was.)
(You can also click on the photo to go to Flickr and read the ode I wrote to them.)
We talked about blogging for a brief bit and it was confirmed by these who know me best that I am not offside. Some people get so wrapped up in their blog that they forget the rest of the world and get a little, shall we say, crazy. I spent Thursday night at a work party, Friday afternoon and evening with these fine ladies, and Saturday doing wild and crazy things like getting my roots colored and my split ends annihilated. Not much time was left for me to over-analyze my corner of the Internet. This is a good thing. A very good thing.
The night out with my besties was exactly what I needed. We had an hour’s drive to talk about anything and everything, followed by dinner which ended up in that laugh-so-hard-it-hurts-your-belly scenario. We finished our dinner and drinks and headed out to tackle the mall.
Do you ever have those shopping excursions where, despite every intention of getting new things, you can’t seem to find anything? You spend hours walking the mall, trying outfits on, and yet walk away empty handed? Me too. Except that Friday WAS EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE. While my friends spent many (many) minutes waiting for me while I was trying things on, I ended up scoring a sweet haul. Four (Four!) dresses, two t-shirts and two tops. All on sale and all absolutely adorable. If you are on Twitter, then you saw this one from RW&Co and this one from Stupidstore (Joe brand). There was also this one from the GAP.
(I think it’s my favorite, but don’t tell the other dresses, OK?)
(Have I mentioned how much that I love (m)iPhone? Oh, right. I did. The love just grows stronger every day.)
After spending a few months working hard both at home and at the office, this night out with my girls is just what the doctor ordered. The fact that I might now have a reason to post more photos to The Working Closet is just an added bonus.
Here is where I will just state the facts. I do not know how to end this entry. There is so much more going on inside that cannot be posted here, but that is where a pen and paper help to keep me (somewhat) sane. I just want to state for the record that I am good. I am happier than I have been for awhile. Some of this is due to my faith, some of this is due to my family, some of this is due to my friends and some of this is due to things that are not fit for the Internet. I am the same nutty nutjob (to quote a friend) that I have always been and might even be a little nuttier than I have been in awhile. This is also a good thing.
I am here. I am present and accounted for. I’m just trying to figure out the balance, you know?
You look hot. As usual.
Friday was fun. Even though my face look weird in the photo.
Glad you’re doing good. Here’s to the possibility of a playdate this week!
Amanda Brown’s last blog post..Friendsday (Rhymes With Wednesday)
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Friday was really fun! I actually had pretty good shopping luck as well. We went up again yesterday because Brian wanted to get some new work clothes and I got the other dress that I wanted at Mexx!
I don’t have flickr so I can’t check out the ode but maybe it’s time I joined. Do I really have to open a yahoo email address?
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I totally get it. I have more than one, more than five posts that I’ve posted “privately” because I KNOW that they’ll be taken the wrong way (by IRL people). Sometimes I wish that no IRL people read my blog, which would allow me to post SO MUCH MORE. Just sometimes though.
I really need to get out more and not be so “wrapped up in my blog”. (NO OFFENSE TAKEN.) But then, I guess that’s what I’m doing in a month WHEN I SEE YOU, right? (I am an introverted extrovert. Stupid.)
ps. Noah and I both think you look hot. Sorry if that’s awkward.
Jen’s last blog post..Scene and heard: Liliana
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I totally understand what you are saying – I find, sometimes, that I get so wrapped up in the Internet and reading, that I forget to open the door and go outside and feel the sunshine. It’s a hard balance – especially when you’ve come to care about the other people that are writing. If you figure it out, let me know how!
TUWABVB’s last blog post..Waah.
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Love the dresses! All great finds
It really is about balance isn’t it? But I can’t imagine not writing on my blog anymore…it’s become part of me. A small part, but an important part.
Sometimes I write down what I would like to post, just to get it out, but never post it. It helps. A lot.
Kami’s Khlopchyk’s last blog post..Potato Wars
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Yay for girls’ nights out. I need one… or a few, myself.
ELizabeth’s last blog post..Another blogger meet: stuck in the drafts
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Yeah, I get it. I totally regret ever telling my family about my blog.
catnip’s last blog post..HBB: week 7
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I’ve been writing online in some capacity since 1999 (ugh, I feel OLD), and I still get the same balance crisis from time to time. I think it goes with the territory. Sometimes I do wish that offline friends and family didn’t know about my blog, but usually it’s okay.
Jen totally nailed the perfect description of me – introverted extrovert indeed.
Sherry’s last blog post..Shadow project
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If you figure out that balance, could you please share how you did it? There are a lot of days where I feel like the universe is just tossing me about.
For the record, I’m glad you’ll be sticking around.
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“Some people get so wrapped up in their blog that they forget the rest of the world and get a little, shall we say, crazy.”
Truer words have never been spoken, Angella. It is so important to take a step back and gain perspective once in awhile! Bravo. xoxo
whoorl’s last blog post..What I’m Not Buying Today: New Wayfarer
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It’s funny how we turn to the web to be free with our thoughts and our blogs end up preventing us from saying a lot of things. I’ve always wanted a secret blog, and yet I don’t – ya know!
Looks like you guys have tons o fun – yay for girlfriends!
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I struggle with that same blogging issue- wanting/needing to process my stuff but when it involves others, I hold back for fear of the fall out. Thank goodness there are still paper journals!
Sizzle’s last blog post..B-Side
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When I was packing yesterday, I found 2 of my old journals. And then I spent way too much time re-reading them. And I think I need to do that more often. I always tell myself my blog is my journal, but you can’t say all the things you want. And I think it helps me be healthier and happier to get some of those things out, the things I can’t say on a public forum like the internet.
Kristabella’s last blog post..Not Enough Hours. Or Packing Tape.
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I never mind when people work/hash out their blog feelings online. (Some choose not to, which is fine, too).
My opinion is that it’s an ongoing issue, it’s going to rear its head now and then, right?
And OH HOW I HEAR YOU about not being able to just SPEW and tell the whole story or things going on.
But it isn’t ALL ours, is it?
Bleh.
xooxoxo
P.S. I want your body. (In a totally non-sexual, 5 years pregnant and jealous sort of way)
Loralee’s last blog post..1 BILLION TWITTER FOLLOWERS!
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If you manage to find some of that balance, can you send it over this way after you’re through? I can’t ever figure it out either.
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My shopping experience yesterday was the opposite of yours. I envy you and your shopping bounty
I went to RW&Co and they had that dress but it was size zero and I am, well, not size zero. So. I tried the GAP dress on in hot pink but I looked like ass. I bought 2 dresses because I couldn’t decide which I hated less, got home and realized that ‘not hating’ a dress is not the proper criteria to judge it on. So they will be returned today and I have nothing to wear to the wedding I’m going to next week. Angst!
hillary’s last blog post..Carbon’s Anniversary The Parting Of The Sensory – 8 & 9
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LOVE the dress. you look great.
and i sooooo know what you mean.
i have a blog for my baby, a journal i keep for her, and my own blog (listed)…. but there are still TONS of thought i have to work out that i can’t post on my blog b/c of who may be reading it.
it’s quite frustrating.
so i just write random stuff down in word and save it on my computer. if i can get it out, at least it helps.
glad you journal-it seems to help some people (i don’t have the patience)
mpotter’s last blog post..should’ve named her whiny
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I’ve had times where I kept a paper journal, but not since I started writing online. I think there’s something sort of addictive about the feedback you get, and that’s always competing for limited time with journal writing…no mystery which one usually wins out.
Jeremy’s last blog post..Bloomin’
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I know.
*hugs*
Victoria’s last blog post..“It Just Felt Weird”
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Keep on doing your blog if you really enjoy writing about yourself. I knew the”Twitter” site everyone’s talking about, but I don’t have a need to join that one. I’m on Livejournal where the bloggers assume they are more mature than the myspace members (oh well, that’s their opinion). By the looks of it, you’re more adult than them anyways. XD
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I’m on the exact same space right now – I won’t give up my blog because at times it is my lifeline. It isn’t right now and I think the quality of my posts, unfortunately, reflect that but it will be again so I have to keep on…
Don Mills Diva’s last blog post..And the cute one’s will shall be done
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