I have three little beings who share my DNA (four, including the one we lost) and it is no secret that I adore those little monkeys. There are trying moments, sure, but it’s not like The Toddler Days. I remember breaking away from the bedtime routine and yelling into my laptop about how they WOULDN’T STOP YELLING and THEN THERE IS THE CRYING and LET’S NOT EVEN GET STARTED ON THE BITING. The biting is no more (YAY) and there is yelling and crying but it is infrequent and, usually, justified. I just can’t help it sometimes.
Beinge a Mom was something I always hoped for and then I blinked and there were three kids who call me Mom. I don’t know that I knew what agape (Greek – unconditional) love is until I held my first baby. I love my husband, yes, IMMENSELY, but this was different. My baby was flesh of my flesh and bone of my bones and I felt like I finally got it. Love wasn’t a choice or even an option – it just was. I had been entrusted with him and oh, was I going to love on him. That same feelings came forth after his brother and sister were born.
I have these three little people in my care who I get to (I get to!) take care of. Basic needs aside, I want them to have the richest life possible. I want them to have friends who play with them and crack them up make them feel like they belong. They have that. I want them to have traveling experiences that show them that there is life outside of Summerland. They have that. And when they’re older, there will be trips to poorer countries to try to help in any way we can. I want them to have cousins nearby whom they can pull shenanigans with because when I grew up mine were across the country and I rarely saw them. I wanted nearby cousins and my kids got that. Added bonus: The cousins are all in the same age group.
My kids have it better than I ever did and I know this, yet I want more. I want Grandparents who live nearby who take them out for ice cream or a walk in the park. Such is the curse of living away from family. My step mom has taken my kids for a week at her place six hours away, three years in a row (GRANDMA’S HOUSE RULES) and the other grandparents aren’t close by. I have friends who are invited to bring their kids to Grandma and Grandpa’s for Sunday dinner/ice cream/a sleepover and I have to admit that I’m a little bit jealous. My Grandparents lived clear across the country, so I didn’t have that same experience growing up but I hoped that my kids would have a different experience.
First world problems, I know. Or maybe it is a first world problem because Canada is kind of big.
I just want more for them. I want them to have what I didn’t have and so much more on top of that. I want them to have friends who never hurt their feelings. I want them to never experience Mean Girls (or Mean Boys). I want them to never have “fat days.” I want them to be healthy and fit before they’re twenty-four. I want them to know that they’re love. To KNOW it. I want them to feel like they can talk to me about their fears and qualms, their hopes and aspirations.
They are off to a good start. I know this. They have a Mom and Dad (I miss being Mommy and Daddy) who love them so, so much. They have aunts and uncles (and cousins!) nearby who love them so, so much. They have grandparents and extended family who love them so, so much. They have friends who love them so, so much.
Instead of spinning wheels on what bonuses I want for my kids I will just keep doing what I’m doing. Loving them, listening to them, tickling them, cuddling them, laughing with them, hugging them. I’ll always want for more but I’m always thankful for enough. I think that’s maybe what love is all about.
*needtobreathe. I can’t help it – they rule.
Oh Angella, I can totally understand that you would love to have grandparents close by. I am so grateful that my parents live just 5 minutes away and are really involved in my boys’ lives. But I’m sure your kids know how much their grandparents love them, and it certainly makes those special trips to stay even more exciting and memorable.
I also know what you mean about wanting to protect them from mean kids, and wanting them to be healthy and happy … it’s hard not to want those things for our kids, I think all parents do. We know we can’t prevent bad things from happening to them (and I think deep down we know that they will learn and grow from those experiences), but we can definitely help them develop the strength and faith they need to get through.
Hard job, this parenting gig. But you’re doing a GREAT one!
Hugs!
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Such a beautiful and moving post. I hope that I’m able to experience this one day. I grew up with extra grandparents because my dad’s parents had each remarried. I’m now 33 and only my two biological grandfathers have passed. I realize how blessed I am because any children that I might have will not have any living grandparents or aunts & uncles on my husband’s side. All of my husband’s immediate family has passed away. We desperately want children any way we can get them. God will give me the desires of my heart, I just know it.
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Dude. Wow. Third-to-last paragraph? YES. I want that for mine too. My kids have been fortunate to almost always have at least one set of grandparents around. As for cousins, though, they are a long drive away (and literally just down the road from you!) I wish we lived closer to them.
I think your kids have it pretty good, given that their mom and dad love them more than life itself. It’s a pretty good start.
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And they have a really excellent mother.
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your words are from the heart and i think most of us parents feel and think like you. thanks for your post.
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You are such a wonderful mommy. Your kids are lucky to have you. As they grow they will appreciate you even more.
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