I remember the birth of each of my three children with distinct clarity. The labor, the delivery, the RING OF FIRE.
When my second child was born and they placed Baby Boy Number Two in my arms, I was blown away by how much this child looked nothing like the one I had birthed a mere twenty months before. The doctor told me that she thought he looked like his brother but I did not see it. Once the “I just squeezed a body the size of a watermelon out of an opening the size of an orange” puffiness wore off, I could see that this boy looked nothing like his big brother. Or like me. He looked one hundred and ten percent like his Daddy, but in baby form.
I do not know why this was so weird for me but there was this part of me that wanted to see a glimmer of myself in this child that I had given birth to. It has been a bit of a struggle. Not only does he not look like me, he is not a whole lot like me personality-wise. He is this kid who wants approximately one hundred hugs a day. He tells me at least hourly that I am his “favorite Mommy in the WHOLE WORLD” to which I reply that he is my “favorite Nathan in the WHOLE WORLD”.
He hugs you, he rubs your arm, he needs love and kisses. While I am all about The Cuddle, I am not a very affectionate person. I like to snuggle with my husband and kids, but once someone starts rubbing my arms or nuzzling me in any way I FREAK OUT.
Issues, much?
It is not that I do not shower my children with hugs and kisses, but this boy of mine is a Lover. If you have met him, you know what I mean. You have also likely been hugged by him each time you have seen him. He cannot help but hug friends and acquaintances. Heck, he will hug anyone who merely looks in his general direction.
I love this child of mine and because I want him to know that I love him. Thus, I am trying to do more than just endure his bombardment of affections. His love language is obviously physical touch. I have been working on my ability to not only receive the love that he throws my way, but to initiate affection more than I already do.
It is not the normal way that I show love; my personal Love Languages are words of affirmation and acts of service. This means that it comes more natural to me to say something encouraging or to do something for someone than it does for me to throw my arms around them and hug them.
But for this sweet, sweet boy of mine I will do whatever it takes for him to feel loved. Because he is. And because I want him to know it beyond a shadow of a doubt.
I struggle with the EXACT SAME THING with my oldest daughter. Glad I’m not the only one!
P.S. If I haven’t commented before, I love your place!
St’s last blog post..The Kind of Shower That’s BYOB
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Yes, but it is very apropos for Valentine’s Day! I hope my baby boy is a lover like Nathan. Very sweet.
Jen’s last blog post..A real boy
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I have the opposite problem, I am all about the physical affection and my boys, not so much. I can be seen chasing them around the house yelling, I NEED a hug!
Kami’s last blog post..Hawaii, The Big Island
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I am exactly the same. I can be cuddly with kids if I know them well and with my husband, but I’m just not a very physically affectionate person. It drives my sisters and *cough* She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (else she will kill me in my sleep) (seriously, she has a very deep fear of the Internet) (or something), anyway, it drives them insane.
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I am a very huggy person, or at least, I am when normal, but even I have issues with it sometimes.
I’ve been heard saying, “Do you HAVE to touch me all the time???” to Rapunzel while shopping a lot lately. I’m trying not to do it, but sometimes, I just can’t deal. And I AM a huggy person.
My point is this, no one can tell you how to love your children. You love them the way you do because of who you are, and accepting hugs and kisses when he wants to give them is just as good as initiating them.
cc’s last blog post..More Junk About How I Feel
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I am not a hugger as well, Chicken is. It is hard because she wants to hang on me and love on me and I have to tell myself that she is loved and she deserves it. Plus, there will probably be a day when she isn’t all lovey with me.
Domestic Extraordinaire’s last blog post..Experiencing Bliss
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Okay first of all, that photo makes him look like so much fun! Like a “you’ve got no idea what you’re in for” look.
You’re such a wonderful mama. He’s lucky to have you!
I can’t handle the rubbing or nuzzling either – drives me completely mental.
Mrs. Wilson’s last blog post..a letter to my heart
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God plans kids for us, perfectly, doesn’t he?!
ELizabeth’s last blog post..One Down?
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Well Nathan and I would get along just great then!
Huggingly yours,
Victoria
Victoria’s last blog post..Happy Valentine’s Day, Y’all
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This ring of fire business scares me sooo much.
Lindsay’s last blog post..Defining the marital roles. Straightening out errant waitresses = my job
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oh, i know this all too well…i’m kind of a more hands-off kind of girl. i’m like you, i love the affection and cuddles…but it’s tough for me because emily is OVERaffectionate. always draping herself all over me and nuzzling. it’s not easy.
ali’s last blog post..at least i don’t look like Joaquin Phoenix…
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First up, I could have written the first half of your post myself, about my second boy. The one who looks just like his Daddy, and nothing like me. The one whose personality is nothing like mine. Freak-y!
I think it’s awesome that you are making an effort to love Nathan according to his love language. We have the book “The Five Love Languages of Children”, and it’s fantastic. I know what my boys’ languages are, and because I know, I can make that effort to show them in ways they will really appreciate and understand.
Hannah’s last blog post..School’s back!
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fantastic post.
my husband and i are in very different corners.
he’s an act of service.
i’m affirmation & physical touch.
wonderful of you to recognize this and do what you can to show him your love.
i am trying to learn this as well.
i only wonder what our daughter will be like in this way.
i hope i can live up to it.
mpotter’s last blog post..vividity
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Wow! I so appreciated your honesty! I too have a second son, who, from the moment he came out seemed foreign to me somehow… unlike my eldest he didn’t resemble me and as he’s grown he is so very different from me in so many ways… it seems I feel I have to be far more conscious about making sure he knows he is loved by me than I am with his brother and younger sister.
Thanks for that…
tracy’s last blog post..Cheapskate Valentine’s? The Top 5!
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Nathan seems like such a sweet little guy!
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