I have this absolutely fascinating, frustrating, unique middle child that (usually) answers to the name of Nathan. Before I vent on what drives me a little crazy about him, I should share a cute story.
Nathan goes to Playschool two mornings a week. Out of a class of twelve children there are only three boys. Word on the street is that my boy is the shiznit with the ladies. This became all too clear this past week.
Two of the girls in his class (Asha and Julia) told Nathan that they wanted to marry him. He, being the polygamist sweetheart that he is, told the girls that he would marry them both.This is where Asha turned to Julia and shoved her to the ground. Yes. Yes, she did.
However. Julia had her sweet revenge. This past Monday the class went on a field trip and Nathan was paired up with Julia. I arrived early to pick him up and got to witness he and Julia walking down the hallway holding hands. They apparently held hands all morning. Awwwwww.
(Also. Dude does not need to marry a feisty woman like his Momma. Trust me. And if you don’t trust me, ask his Daddy.)
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One of the phrases that Nathan says quite frequently is, “I don’t know.” This is his answer if you ask him what day it is, what food he likes, what his name is. I’m kidding on that last one. Maybe. We have a running joke that it’s a good thing he’s really good at sports because, well… (We also figure that he’ll probably prove us wrong and be a rocket scientist or something.)
There is one situation where his use of “I don’t know” drives me a little batty. If I ask him a question to which he completely knows the answer, and he throws out an “I don’t know,” my blood boils a little. Because he is lying to me.
Here’s a scenario:
Graham yells out an “OW!” while they are playing downstairs. I stop whatever I am doing and go to see what is going on. The following conversation occurs:
Me: “What happened?”
Nathan: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Graham, what happened?”
Graham: “Nathan pushed me.”
Me: “Nathan, is this true?”
Nathan: “Yes.”
Me: “Saying, “I don’t know” is the same as lying. Lying is NOT COOL. Why did you push him?”
Nathan: “I don’t know.”
Me: *Head explodes*
I know that he’s saying it out of the fear of getting into trouble, but we have told our kids a thousand times that they will be is less trouble if they tell the truth. If (when) we catch you lying about it, we are going to be more upset than if you just fessed up at the outset.
Talking to him about it doesn’t seem to be changing anything. Nor does sending to him to his room to think about his actions (Because, well, that would require him to actually think.)
A friend of mine told me that they found a system of “consequences” that worked with their daughter. They took her piggy bank and placed it on the table. They told her that every time she lied they would take a coin out of her piggy bank and keep it for themselves. The bigger the lie, the bigger the coin. It took all of three times of having her money taken away from her to curb her fibbing.
This sounds like a good idea but my kids don’t have a piggy bank. We’ve yet to institute allowances (we should get on that) and whenever they get money for birthdays, etc. we either buy them something or put it into a savings account. We need a strategy and we need it fast. Nathan’s life depends on it.
I’m kidding. Maybe.
So here is where I throw the question out to you guys: How do you teach your kids that lying isn’t kosher? Because apparently I don’t know (Ha!) how.
I don’t have kids yet and like all people pre-kids, I assume that mine will always behave. My mom says she hopes I get a kid like how I was so if that’s the case than we’re in trouble. Unfortunately, I was the youngest of 3, by 6-7 years, so as my mama’s little angel, I could pretty much get away with anything. Although at some stage I did develop a conscience and stopped lying (and getting my poor sisters in trouble) because I felt bad about it. So, I’m useless, no advice but need to say that you have the cutest kids! I think Nathan has his daddy’s eyes, yes? Adorable boy!
karen’s last blog post..yin & yang, weekend edition
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My father used to tell us our tongues would turn black if we lied. So he would inspect the tongue at suspected lies.
Don’t know how we fell for that one.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Damn You Merc Retro
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Um, I don’t know?
Seriously though, Tyler does a similar thing. I think it’s an age thing. I remember Ethan doing it (although not as brazenly as Tyler!) and he definitely grew out of it. We just try to make sure there are consequences for his behaviour. Time out doesn’t work for him anymore, so we take toys away. They go on top of the fridge for 24 hours. It is SO his currency. He hates having his special things taken off him, so it usually gets the point across. Even at almost 7, time out still works well for Ethan. It always has. But for Tyler, not so much. Good luck finding Nathan’s currency. It can such be a hard one to figure out!
Hannah’s last blog post..Bula!
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Um, sorry to break it to you, but my sister does the SAME THING…and she’s 20 =)
Camels & Chocolate’s last blog post..Let’s Hope No One from Child Protection Services Reads This Blog
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That coin thing sounds like a great idea. My son has been lying a lot and I am not liking it.
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I’m glad you are asking this because I am curious to hear the advice you get…I’m sure I’ll run into this situation soon. Right now I’m dealing with potty-training.
Amy – BiteTheRabbit’s last blog post..A New Day
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That’s a hard one. Kaylie had a problem with it when she was Nathan’s age as well (and throughout Kindergarten). We also told her that she’d be in less trouble if she just told the truth than if she lied.
With her, she loves TV. So we took that away. Sometimes up to a week. That includes video games. If she lied during that period, the consequence got longer. It worked with her, but like most things, it depends on the kid. That being said, I have NO IDEA how to parent a boy. I hope someone else has some wise insight!
Jen’s last blog post..Joy List
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My friend had a good idea to tackle it from a religious stand-point, talking about how lies taste bitter to God (something along those lines – I’m sure there’s a related bible verse). But to explain what that means, have them taste vinegar (just a small teaspoonful or something) to see what bitter tastes like and how it is not good, etc… And that when they lie, it’s not a good thing, like the bitter vinegar.
Of course, this might have worked for me if my toddler didn’t like the taste of vinegar (the kids loves all pungent things like olives, pickles, stinky cheeses).
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I agree with finding his currency. That has always worked with my kids…they have their special blankets and stuffies so if some type of behaviour gets out of hand and nothing else is working we warn them that one of those will get taken away. Honestly, I can’t think of a time that we actually had to take it away though but I am sure we did once or twice.
Lying hasn’t yet been an issue here but I think that they have my complete inability to lie. It’s good, mostly
Kami’s Khlopchyk’s last blog post..A weekend of celebration
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With my son Liam (who will be six in a few weeks), he knows that lying will get him into more trouble than telling the truth. He’s heard that he should lie, that lying is bad, it makes Jesus sad, etc, etc. However what seemed to stick with him was when I told him that if he continued to lie, no one would trust him and he would be labeled a liar. He was like, “A LIAR??”. It’s total semantics, but he can’t bear the thought of being called a liar. Lying, not too big a deal, but being a liar?? Clearly that’s just too terrible for his little heart to imagine.
Amy @ Muddy Boots’s last blog post..gluten holds the world together
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The currency idea wouldn’t work for me and mine because they just don’t quite get that concept. The most effective course of action that I’ve used it to turn it back on your child.
Tell Nathan that you are going to do something fun with him. Don’t follow through with your plans and when he asks why tell him, “I don’t know.” Then if he gets frustrated explain to him that is how you feel when he does the same thing.
Emily (7) thinks that when she lies her tongue turns black so she doesn’t do it very often. If I think she’s fibbing I ask her to stick out her tongue and she usually fesses up because she’s afraid her tongue is going to turn black and fall off.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Finally
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I don’n know. Ha ha ha. But seriously. This was never an issue with Adora but I am contantly having to tell Grace to quit the lying, the stroy-telling, and why it is important to tell the truth. It’s not working. She keeps fibbing. So, I can’t help ya, but I understand the annoyance fo ‘sho.
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I wish I had words of wisdom but I can’t stop thinking how stinking adorable it must have been to see him and his little girlfriend holding hands all morning. Awwww.
Jeez, I need a boyfriend. I’m overly sappy lately.
sizzle’s last blog post..The Next Right Thing
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We had that problem with The Chicken. I just answered her ‘I don’t know’ for a couple of days. She got so frustrated with it, because it isn’t a real answer& so she really couldn’t do anything, that she soon stopped. She still fibs from time to time, but it was nothing like it was before.
Domestic Extraordinaire’s last blog post..Waterboarding doesn’t have anything on this
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I have one of those “I don’t know” kids in my classroom, so I understand the whole head exploding thing. I had hoped when I taught him 3 yrs. ago he’d grow out of it…nope…he’s been doing it again this year too. AHHHH!
Amanda’s last blog post..The Hills Are Alive?
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I got nothing because my kid can’t even support his neck yet. But, I cannot stop laughing over Asha pushing Julia down.
She Likes Purple’s last blog post..If you’re not busy
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2 of my 4 are “I don’t know” kind of kids. It’s VERY frustrating.
I couldn’t change the kids (much), so I changed my approach. Whenever possible, I don’t ask questions to which I know the answer and that the kids are scared to answer.
Example:
Old Me:
Rushing around in the a.m., I yell down the hallway to kid … “have you brushed your teeth like I told you to … HUH? HAVE YOU?”
New Me:
Kid 2, come with me and brush your teeth. Please don’t make me ask you twice tomorrow.
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It’s so much better … no point in setting them up and painting them in a corner.
mommyknows’s last blog post..Just Around the Corner …
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