Or am I?
I don’t know if it the sideways rain pelting the window behind me, or the fact that the house is eerily quiet without the kids here, or that feel like I am floundering without a daily routine to speak of, but my thoughts have turned inwardly reflective.
I knew that it would happen. I have been running full-tilt for as long as I can remember. Family, work, friends, responsibilities. Go, go, GO. A large part of it is necessity. There are bills to be paid, mouths to feed. There are responsibilities and commitments to be met and I know myself well enough to know that I work better under pressure. So I add more onto my plate, work even harder, and somehow manage to get it all done.
The other reason I keep moving is that I don’t do well with being still. It makes me uncomfortable; like I am somehow failing at this thing called life. It also makes me stop and think about things that make me uneasy. About areas that I have dropped the ball on, where I have let things slide.
One such area is my faith. I am an unabashed Christian and my faith in God has never wavered. While I have been told that this belief is a gift…I think it can also be the opposite. Because I believe without any doubts, I can be lazy in doing anything about fostering that belief. I believe in God, I know that He is there, so He can wait while I “get stuff done.”
I hope that when my kids grow up they don’t expect me to wait for weeks on end for them to spend time with me because they need to “get things done.” Sigh. I know that God was waiting for this week to get my attention. He has far more patience than I ever will, that’s for sure.
Another area that has been nagging at me is the whole writing deal. Amanda and I were talking the other day about how easy it is to get into the routine of, “this is what we did, this is what we are going to do.” That technique is great and all, but can get a little tedious and, dare I say, boring? (Not you; me) We talked about how some of our personal favorite posts broke out of that mold, ala, “Someone Should Buy You Flowers” and “Good Mother”
I keep thinking that I need to do that more. It is not that I have writer’s block, or lack of ideas. It is the exact opposite. I have all of these ideas, and draft all of these posts, and then they sit there gathering dust because I am afraid to share them. They do not fit into that genre that I seem to be in and maybe they won’t make sense to anyone but me and maybe nobody will relate. I will have laid myself out there and will be standing all alone. This is the biggest hindrance that I face; the fear of rejection. So I keep them to myself.
But maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I need to break myself free of my self-imposed labels. Who knows what could happen?
Maybe I need to slow down more often than not and focus on the things that really matter to me; faith, family friends.
Maybe I should come to a complete stop every once in awhile. Take a look at what is around me, at who is around me, and exert the energy to engage with them.
Maybe, just maybe, who I am is not who I really am. Maybe who I am is just a glimpse of who I could really be if I just stopped being scared and stepped out of my comfort zone.
Maybe.
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Do you remember when Will Dailey was featured on the Daily Grommet and I gave away his CD? And then his PR rep contacted me and asked if I wanted to interview him? The interview is up over here, and there’s another CD giveaway for those who are interested.
I find that when I break out of my genre, I get more positive feedback than when I stick with what “works”. People like it. Go for it.
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Go, go GO! You mean that’s not normal? I don’t have kids (of my own…about 25 in the classroom each year) and I don’t know how people do it. I can always tell when He wants me to take a break, I get sick and have no choice!
I’m stubborn and taking a sick is not usually the option I opt for.
The fact that you share so much is incredible, the fact that you are nervous (my word) to share so much more makes sense. I’m pretty sure most of us would love you to share that other side and would be very supportive of it, but you have to do what is go for you.
Amanda’s last blog post..An Astronaut Experience
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I have a private blog that I share at sometimes and I came to realize that more likely than not….if I have had the thought or idea, there is someone else that has had it too…. So sometimes sharing what may seem abstract is sometimes just what someone else needs to hear you say so that they feel normal and not alone…. Those are the posts that I get the most feedback from because it ends up being encouraging and freeing for those that are reading it. If the Lord dropped the idea in your head, maybe, just maybe He was hoping you would share it with others and encourage them….
April’s last blog post..Riding the Motorcycle in Minnesota…all to get the blue skies on camera!
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The last part of this post reminded me of the old Steve Camp song, Living Dangerously in the Hands of God, particularly the spoken bridge:
“There’s safety in complacency, but God is calling us out of our
comfort zone into a life of complete surrender to the cross. To live
dangerously is not to live recklessly, but righteously. And it is
because of God’s radical grace for us that we can risk living a life of
radical obedience for Him…For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth, that He may strongly support those whose hearts are completely His.”
Try to enjoy the silence!
bethany actually’s last blog post..4th of July weekend mosaic
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I just went and read Good Mother as well as listened to the song…both are great. I too have experienced the power of forgiveness and it certainly merits a blog post. Well done.
Lindsay’s last blog post..No theme whatsoever.
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This was so good, Ange. I hope that the chance to “stop” this week brings many good things your way.
Amanda Brown’s last blog post..Lazy Taters
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I love the “this is what we did, this is what we are going to do” posts but I also love the other, more reflective posts. The bloggers who I enjoy the most are the bloggers who put a bit of themselves into their writing. Not just telling me how their weekend was but who they are. I love reading a post and thinking “yes! I feel like that too!” So I guess what I’m saying is: write what you feel comfortable with but don’t let a fear of rejection prevent you from writing. The people who read your blog read it because they like your writing and they like your stories and they like YOU.
hillary’s last blog post..Well Its A Broken Smile Breaking Their Hearts And Breaking Their Minds Bite Hard
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I’m a huge believer in “writing it out,” whatever that “it” may be for you, for me, for anyone who feels called to share their words. I, for one, can’t wait to read more of yours.
Kerri Anne’s last blog post..5 By 5
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whatever you write, Miss, I will read
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I have really enjoyed watching your blog grow over the last few years, and those were two of my favorite posts. I also write some excellent posts in my mind that break my ‘mold’ but that somehow never make it to my actual blog. I urge you to step off that ledge! You’re such an inspiration to all us lesser bloggers.
Danica’s last blog post..?Nuff Whining
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Step out of your comfort zone! I agree! Don’t you find (in retrospect!) that things that stressed you out and tested you were often experiences that made you stronger?
Andrea’s last blog post..Baby Blanket Giveaway!
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Wow, this is so powerful. I love this, Angella. It’s probably exactly what I needed to hear right now. Sometimes, in the light of day, I think that old line: Be the mom you want to see in the world.
And that writing thing? You’ve got it down, babe. Keep up the loveliness.
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I really, really can’t wait to see what you do out of that comfort zone. It’s gonna be epic.
Mr Lady’s last blog post..Cold Day In July
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Sometimes we just need to re-focus. And I think you just did. : )
Elaine’s last blog post..WW – At 27 Weeks…
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