Matthew (aka Honey) is away on a business trip.  I never used to mention these trips for fear that some crazy person would want to drive out to the butt-poke of nowhere and wreak havoc on my home. Now that my (Over six foot tall, build like a house) brother lives with me I am free to speak of Matthew’s absence.  And if my brother Lance does not frighten you, my mad ninja skills should.

I am kidding. Maybe.

I truly hate it when Matthew and I are apart, whether it is he or I leaving the house.  My imagination runs wild and I fear one of us dying or something stupid. Car crashes! Trauma! Stuff I don’t want to speak of out loud!

If I were to die, the thought freaks me out somewhat.  Not for me as I believe that I will be in Heaven.  I am more worried about my kids growing up without their Momma.  For while I truly believe that they have the greatest Daddy on the planet, there is something special that only a Mother can give.

The opposite is true.  Daddy provides something spectacular that I cannot supply.

On the eve of Matthew leaving, my mind races with the possible dire consequences.  What if his plane were to crash?  Or his rental car to malfunction?  The scenarios all play out in my head and they are not pretty.

I am a strong woman. A capable woman. An independent woman.  I am also only half of us.  Of Matthew and I. Of the union that we made under a covenant. If my other (better) half were to perish I do not know what I would do. How I would cope. What would happen to our flesh and blood.

So, I spend a lot of time on my knees praying for his safe return.  We belong together.

Anything else is incomprehensible.

***

I have a reputation as one who hates winter with ever fiber of her being. If you don’t believe me, stick around for a month or eight.  The hatred of winter is a common theme around these parts.

This past week has given me hope that summer is not completely dead.  She really is hanging on.

The mornings are chilly, but the afternoons are toasty.  Matthew left early this morning as I was packing the kids into the van to drop Graham off at school.  I looked at the clear blue sky and thought that this afternoon might be a good time to nuzzle summer in her final glory.

Last year I made an impromptu September trip to the water park and was completely unprepared.  The kids were miserable (or not).

Today I was prepared.  I packed towels, snacks, and water. We called a few friends and headed to the water park.

Emily thought is was…OK.

Graham caught air.

I also like this one with Graham in the background of the spray.

I like this one as well. So picky, am I. And also channeling Yoda, apparently.

Water, water, everywhere!

The following two photos melt my heart. Nathan and Emily are just over two years apart and have the stereotypical love/hate relationship.  One minute she will wake up from her nap asking for Nathan. The next minute he is shrieking, “Emily just pinched me!”

Today was a good day in the dynamic of Nathan and Emily.

The next one makes my heart explode.

The afternoon was absolutely glorious. Warm sun, cool water, good friends. We arrived home and I survived supper time, bath time and bed time. Solo.  It was tough.  I give a huge kudos to those who do the solo shift on a regular basis.

My heart misses Matthew with the aching of eternity but I know in my head he will return tomorrow. My heart is praying that my head is right.

I can’t hardly wait to see him.

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Comments:

  1. Dayna September 11, 2008 12:15 am edit

    Lance will kick some major butt if someone were to come up there :P

    Dayna’s last blog post..Serious Writer’s Block

  2. Michele September 11, 2008 12:59 am edit

    You two definately seem to be a match made in Heaven! I am a “What If”er champion…I can what if situations until the cows come home, so I understand your worry! As for your water park pictures…You take amazing pictures of water! I love them all, especially the “water, water everywhere” one. Also, the photos of Emily and Nathan melt my heart!

  3. Jen September 11, 2008 6:13 am edit

    We are a lot the same. Worry warts. If Jordan is more than 10 minutes late, especially in the icy winter months, I’m convinced he’s dead and I’m a depressed widow.

  4. Nicole September 11, 2008 6:53 am edit

    Totally hear you on the slightly irrational fear of the “what if” stuff when hubby is gone. Glad to hear I’m not alone!

    Love the yoda reference. The park pics are awesome as well – that spray in the foreground one is my fave.

    Nicole’s last blog post..Attack of the killer toddler

  5. Mel September 11, 2008 7:24 am edit

    Its tough doing it solo. Trust me I know what that is like. I also know the fear you are talking about as James has, and will, spend a lot of time away from home due to the nature of our work. Hang in there, he will be fine. Plus you got that BIG litle brother of ours to kick butt if needed :)

    Mel’s last blog post..Pain in the Neck

  6. Kami September 11, 2008 8:04 am edit

    I do the same when we are apart, thankfully it’s very infrequent.

    and the waterpark, sigh, I remember it well.

    Kami’s last blog post..Preschool begins

  7. sizzle September 11, 2008 8:40 am edit

    What an awesome feeling- to love someone the way you love Matthew.

    sizzle’s last blog post..It’s Yours

  8. hills September 11, 2008 8:48 am edit

    The pictures of Nathan and Emily are beautiful. When they’re teenagers and HATE each other, the pictures will be useful to prove to them that they did, in fact, once love each other.

    hills’s last blog post..Who Wound Up Losing The Contest?

  9. ali September 11, 2008 9:16 am edit

    i, like you, HATE winter. and i’m afraid summer is OVER in Ontario. it’s FREEZINg all of a sudden!

  10. Rhi September 11, 2008 10:22 am edit

    Boo for business trips. I’m referring to September as “That Month When Bill Left Me Alone For THE WHOLE MONTH (almost)”

    Rhi’s last blog post..And, burnt sienna is not even an attractive color

  11. Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children September 11, 2008 11:08 am edit

    I worry, too, every time my husband goes anywhere. Car crashes! Trauma! Oh my, I know!

    Your photos are gorgeous, I was just ogling over them over on Flickr!

    Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children’s last blog post..How not to get rid of a vacuum cleaner salesman

  12. Robyn September 11, 2008 1:38 pm edit

    Yep, I don’t handle it well when Paul goes away – I think I have entirely too morbid an imagination! Hope Matthew is home safe where he belongs now! :)

    Robyn’s last blog post..MS Readathon

  13. monstergirlee September 11, 2008 1:58 pm edit

    I hate it when my mind makes up all the scenarios about crashes and destruction, only to have loved ones come home safe and sound. whew.

    Love the water park pics, so sweet of those two together.

    monstergirlee’s last blog post..Crabby Hands

  14. Kristin September 11, 2008 2:15 pm edit

    Supper fun pics!

    Imaginations are both a blessing and a curse eh! I don’t like being away from Ian, he was just at a conference for 5 days, I thankfully was not parenting solo though, I was with my family in Salmon Arm. :)

  15. Elizabeth September 11, 2008 3:14 pm edit

    I am exactly the same way – I hate when Mr. E is gone and I conjure up ridiculous “what if’s” until he is back at home. I hate thinking of it but I can’t stop.
    That last picture is incredible. And I hope the hubby makes it back home asap!

    Elizabeth’s last blog post..All Apologies

  16. Anna September 11, 2008 5:42 pm edit

    All the same crazy ideas go through my head every time Dave and I are apart too and then I can hardly wait for him to get back. Makes for a sweet reunion though and makes me appreciate him all the more!

    Anna’s last blog post..Zap

  17. The Over-Thinker September 11, 2008 7:21 pm edit

    Your posts always make me smile :)

    The Over-Thinker’s last blog post..2,974 Reasons to always say I Love You before you say Goodbye….

  18. karen September 12, 2008 8:20 am edit

    the pic of graham behind all of the water drops is amazing! you are very talented :)

  19. Kristabella September 12, 2008 12:23 pm edit

    Summer showed up here yesterday too. It was warmer than I thought it would be when I went outside for a walk. I don’t mind it because it isn’t 100 degrees and I know that winter is around the corner.

    Today it is raining and crappy, which gives me a reason to stay inside and nap! :)

    Kristabella’s last blog post..You’ll Never Guess

  20. San Antonio Lawyer September 14, 2008 7:16 am edit

    Being away from someone you truly love like my husband is the hardest situation I can ever imagine. The traumas and fear that you thought of is exactly what I always have in mind. So, everyday I always pray that God may watch over my husband every single day that we’re apart.

    San Antonio Lawyer’s last blog post..Get Assistance From Lawyers That Care NOW!

  21. Elaine September 16, 2008 5:32 am edit

    I feel the same way when my husband is gone and right now he’s traveling every other week. UGH!

    Such a sweet post and YES! LOOOOVE that last picture…

    Elaine’s last blog post..So Far This Week is Better

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