For the past few weeks there have been many posts written in the blogosphere about the emotions that come erupting forth when your child goes to the first day of school.
I have read these posts with a smile on my face for my first born child is starting school this year.
Graham was in preschool two mornings a week last year and thrived. He “graduated” from preschool in May and since then he has been talking about Kindergarten every. single. DAY.
While starting school is a huge milestone, I thought that I would handle it just fine. My son is an outgoing child. He loves other kids, adults…all other people, really. He’s a smart little dude who always wants to learn new things. He is so ready for school.
See?
(No, that’s not a cell phone in his hands. It’s a clock. Which isn’t cool, but it’s the truth.)
Besides, we had a whole year of practice last year when he went to preschool. We are pros at this whole “cutting the apron strings” thing. This was going to be a breeze.
We drove into town as a family to bring Graham to school. Matthew waited in the van with Nathan and Emily while Graham and I walked hand-in-hand through the parking lot. He looked up at me and said, “I’m going to school now! I’m so excited!”
There were kids running everywhere on the school grounds, climbing on the monkey bars, swinging on the swings. Graham was in awe.
“There are so many kids!”
Then?
“Are these all my new friends?”
**Sigh**
We got to his class just as the bell rang. The kids sat and listened to announcements as I unloaded all of his school supplies. My big boy was listening so intently that he didn’t even see me leave.
I ran into another Mom in the parking lot who was a weepy mess. I encouraged her that it would only be two hours (Yesterday was a two-hour session, and Thursday will be his first full day of school) and that before we knew it we would be counting the minutes until our kids left for school each day.
We laughed and I got back into our van.
Matthew then asked me if Graham was sad for me to leave.
That’s when it was my turn to get all weepy. Because he wasn’t sad for me to leave. He had run off with his new teacher and new friends and had not even said goodbye.
He was all grown up now. A big boy. Who doesn’t need me like he used to.
Well, except to wipe his bum. We’re still working on that one.
Then I repeated the “Are these all my new friends?” question he had asked me and completely lost it. Because that little question summed up the sheer sweetness of my big boy. He is a child like none other and I can hardly believe that I get to be his Mommy.
We finally saw Click the other night. I have no desire to fast forward my life (though MUTE would be great sometimes) but there are times when I would like to rewind. Like maybe to four summers ago.
I would like another chance to rock Baby Graham. To bring out the baby belly laugh. To nibble on his baby thighs. To encourage his first baby steps. To rub his soft (and bald!) baby head. Maybe even to wipe his bum.
Oh, wait. I still do that.
I have just been fully hit with the realization that my first baby?
Is not a baby anymore.
But he will always be my baby.
26 Comments
Oh man, you take the cake with the first day of school posts! I gotta go get a kleenex, someone must have cut some onions in here.
They are such gifts, these kids of ours 
PS and he still NEEDS his Momma. ALWAYS.
Comment by Kami on September 12th, 2007 @ 12:43 pmAw, man. This is a heartstring tugger of a post!
Comment by Amanda on September 12th, 2007 @ 12:45 pmI know EXACTLY how you feel!! I was the one who cried on Ethan’s first day of school - he couldn’t have been happier or more confident! I felt sad for the loss of my “baby” but in all honesty, school has been the BEST thing for him, and he’s an even MORE delightful child now, 3 months after he started. If that’s even possible!! I’m sure Graham will be just the same.
And on the up side, at least you have short half-days to get used to it … my baby started with 5 six-hour days a week from the get-go! So hard!
Comment by Hannah on September 12th, 2007 @ 1:08 pmHe looks so grownup sitting there with his backpack! I still have a few years to go before I get there with Katelyn but I’m already feeling like it is coming too fast!
Comment by Angela on September 12th, 2007 @ 1:33 pmSuch a great post, Ange. I’m sure I’ll be feeling the same way next year except that Sarah will put on a good show with shyness and being clingy (even though the minute I leave she is totally ok). She just does that for my benefit.
(is that the spiderman clock in his hand?)
Consider my heart tugged-on.
That first picture of Graham? He looks so BIG and self-assured! Like a little man! And his excitement about all his new friends… how endearing.
And then you show us baby Graham? What an amazing baby! He looks the same, too! Happy eyes and ready for the world.
Comment by LVGurl on September 12th, 2007 @ 1:55 pmAww! I know EXACTLY how you feel! But, it just gets worse. Grade 1 is just as hard!
It’s awesome that he’s so outgoing and looks forward to school. He seems quite bright (from what I’ve read). Congrats mommy! You’ve got a big boy now!
Comment by Jen on September 12th, 2007 @ 2:05 pmcuuuuuuuteness on his first day photo! He does look like a little boy, like he has the face he’ll have at 16. Ah!!
Glad you made it through your first day. At least you got two more to keep you company. 
WOW, he looks SO grown up!!
That is awesome that he is so excited about school! But sad for you… I cried a little… lets partially blame that on the pregnancy hormones…
Comment by Kristin on September 12th, 2007 @ 2:58 pmI can’t even think about Annalie going to school. She is three, and all her little friends are headed to preschool this year, but she is not. The way I see it, she’ll easily spend 13, 17 or more years of her life in school anyway, so why should I be in such a rush? Let her be a kid a while longer. Let us both eat breakfast and sit around in our jammies all morning a while longer. It’s all going too fast as it is.
Also, Graham is clearly going to be one of those guys that all the girls totally love and sigh over, because he’s cute and sweet and kind. I can tell already.
Eh, I can SO relate. What a gorgeous baby he was, and what a gorgeous little boy he IS.
He looks so grown up! That was a beautiful post, it gave me goose bumps!
Comment by Michele on September 12th, 2007 @ 3:28 pmmy baby went to K this year too…didn’t cry or care that I left…she encouraged me. I look at it as I have a strong confident child…can’t ask for more than that can we?
Comment by Amanda on September 12th, 2007 @ 4:48 pmI’m glad that he had such a good response to school. It really shows what a great mom you are, that it didn’t even phase him to know you were leaving, he knows you’ll always be there when he needs you, and he’ll need ya every now and then.
Comment by Amanda Franks on September 12th, 2007 @ 6:15 pmAwwww….
My little one is technically ’step,’ although she’s lived with me formore than twice as long as she lived with her Mom. but I didn’t get her until she was half way through SK, so I missed her first day.
Putting her on the bus to grade one was hard for me though… she was excited to see all her friends!!
Comment by Leslie on September 13th, 2007 @ 7:42 amwow, first day of school…I used to live with my cousins and their kids and I remember when Drea took Isaiah to school for the first time. We needed many tissues that day. I look forward to my life of being a Mom, and I don’t want to skip/fast-forward through any parts…but some parts I’m looking forward to more than others. The first day of school? A mixed bag, but I’ll report back when I get there. ;D
Comment by Shareen on September 13th, 2007 @ 10:25 amAnge, Graham is gorgeous in that photo! What a cutie-pie! You really are blessed. You have a great family!
Comment by reddirtroad on September 13th, 2007 @ 10:56 amI can not imagine saying goodbye to Chloe….you did well and you have such a great perspective on it all. What a brave little guy to go so open minded and eager, that is awesome that he is very secure and he knows what he is coming home to.
Comment by Filtering Life on September 13th, 2007 @ 11:24 amI’m such a mess Ang, I’m totally bawling over Graham’s innocent remark. I’m gonna kick some little tail all the way from Texas if anyone returns his sweetness with ire.
*pass the tissue please*
Comment by OMSH on September 13th, 2007 @ 11:55 amWeep!
Although, silver lining: his ability to handle this all so well is in part because of all you’ve given him the last four years. (Again, totally non-mom observation.)
Comment by Jennie on September 13th, 2007 @ 7:46 pmAhh … time goes so fast. I remind myself every day not to wish it away.
Have fun @ school Graham with ALL your new friends.
Comment by mommyknows on September 13th, 2007 @ 8:37 pmWhat a wonderful post. I have a little one starting kindergarten next year and I imagine she’ll be just like Graham was on his first day. They really do grow up so very fast.
Comment by Beth F. on September 17th, 2007 @ 3:07 pm[...] at me. Last week I was all weepy about Graham starting Kindergarten. This week? Dropping Nathan off without shedding [...]
Comment by Dutch Blitz » I Am An Unfit Mother on September 19th, 2007 @ 10:13 am[...] I remember his first day of Kindergarten. [...]
Comment by Dutch Blitz » Blink on June 26th, 2008 @ 2:35 pm[...] I remember his first day of Kindergarten. [...]
Comment by Dutch Blitz » Blink on June 26th, 2008 @ 2:35 pm
Angella, you had me so close to tears. I was right there with you emotionally watching your first born go to school. And then I read the part of you wiping his bum, and I guess how you just threw it in there, made me laugh right out loud and made the cat jump! Too much! Great first day of school post;)
Comment by Randi on September 12th, 2007 @ 12:08 pm