Today is Thanksgiving in the US of A (Hello, my American friends! I hope your turkey is all you hoped it would be!)
Here is where I put a bit of a damper on the parade of Joy! and Love! and Thanksgiving!
The Holidays have always left me all mixed up and jumbled. I vacillate between Happy and Sad. While I love Baby Jesus, and what He means, and all of the spin-off feelings (Good will and cheer Every! Where! You! Turn!), my life has not often reflected what movies and such portray the Holidays to be.
The ideal is that there are these grand family gatherings. Grandmas and Grandpas, Brothers and Sisters, Aunts and Uncles, Nieces and Nephews, Cousins and Chaos. There may be a few kinks and quirks, but overall the Holiday is a time for extended family to get together, to connect with each other, to make new memories as a family.
This was not the case in my house.
When I was but a few months old my parents left the small town in Ontario where I was born (and where every blood relative of ours lived, including my Dad’s three children from his first marriage), and moved to the north coast of BC. We were as far away as we could be while still living in the same country.
Fast forward three years and my Mom and Dad called it quits.
One of my earliest memories is of my one-year-old-sister and I sitting on the steps and watching our Dad drive away.
Holidays from then on were shared between our parents. We split the time between the two, which was all fine and good, but there were no large family gatherings including Grandmas, Grandpas, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins…it was just us.
When I met Matthew I came up at Christmas to meet his family. Here was this family who had remained intact. He has a Mom and a Dad, a brother and a sister, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins. The extended family was only four hours away, as opposed to across the country.
I was marrying into the dream.
The dream is not always the reality, but isn’t that always the case? Life is busy and the four-hour drive does not happen as much as I thought it would. When we do get together it is all good. The kids love their Grandma and Grandpa beyond all measure. They are coming this weekend and my kids can’t hardly wait.
Back to my side of the family. My Dad lives in Vancouver, my Mom on the North Coast. My kids know them a little, but not a lot. They met some cousins from my side last year, but I have no idea when they will meet again.
The extended family. It is scattered. And not at all what I had hoped for.
But that is not necessarily a bad thing. Less family drama, as it were.
I think that my family history is what makes me so thankful for this family of five that I belong to. Somehow, some way, I am married to a man that loves me more than I ever thought was humanly possible.
Together, we have three of the most beautiful, amazing, phenomenal children that this world has ever seen.
We love a God who is alive and well, thankyouverymuch.
Our parents are all alive. Despite our differences and lack of proximity, the loss of any one of them is one that I cannot fathom.
We have been blessed with the greatest group of friends that any human could hope for. I am blown away weekly, sometimes daily.
We have a roof over our heads that is more than just a house. It is our home. One filled with life and laughter and love.
I lack nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I am thankful beyond any measure for all that I have been given. I am also thankful for all of the hurts and disappointments that I have encountered along the way. For had I not experienced the lows, I would likely not realize how good that I truly do have it.
I am thankful for it all. The good, the bad, the ugly.
Amen.
22 Comments
Weirdness, although I don’t have many happy family memories, when we all get together for a holiday we seem to have a pretty good time.
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Comment by witchypoo on November 27th, 2008 @ 4:43 amWhat a beautiful post. I’m so happy for you that you’ve found such a lovely wonderful life. You deserve it.
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Comment by Janssen on November 27th, 2008 @ 7:17 amAww! I may have shed a little tear.
I grew up with the “dream” family. My parents each have five siblings, and get-togethers of crazy Dutch people were quite frequent. I always liked getting getting together with the load of them, but I guess I never realized how blessed I was to have that. Thank you! Thank you for reminding me..
I love how you always state how your children are the “most beautiful, amazing, phenomenal children”. I really do. Because if you say it to us, it means that most likely you say it to them, and that’s just awesome for a child to hear from his/her parents. I think you and Matthew are doing an amazing job, and that you’re displaying family “togetherness” for your children.
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Comment by Mrs. Wilson on November 27th, 2008 @ 7:43 amOh, I totally know how you feel. My mother left on Christmas Day. Seriously. The rich, intact family is something I cannot wait to create.
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Comment by Nic on November 27th, 2008 @ 7:58 amyou just know there’s going to be be a “me too” in my comment somewhere, right?
but, i feel you 100% on the marrying into the dream bit. my family? scattered, divorces, etc. gabe’s parents are still married and almost all of his siblings live close. i didn’t know families could be like that…having dinner together every single night.
I am very emotional today! But, beautiful post. I have no idea what it is like to live in a house with a mommy AND a daddy and I’m so hopeful that I can do that someday (I’m the mommy in this situation, I doubt my parents will reconcile, and if they did, I will NOT be moving in with them)
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Comment by Rhi on November 27th, 2008 @ 8:30 amAmen for sure! You will make a different history for your children and you will get to experience that extended family thing you dreamed as the matriarch of it all.
THAT will be phenomenal!
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Comment by Kami on November 27th, 2008 @ 9:01 amThat was beautiful. I’m definitely in a thankful mood today, although I’m certainly nowhere near as eloquent as you were about it. 
No matter what our family circumstances may be like, we all truly have so much to be thankful for.
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Comment by Sharon on November 27th, 2008 @ 9:40 amReading your post reminded me of my own childhood. Except all my family lives in the same town and bowling often takes a priority over the grandkids in my father’s eyes.
Have a wonderful day and on this day I am very thankful for people out here just like you. Even though we never met I am almost sure that when we did we would get along famously.
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Comment by Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire on November 27th, 2008 @ 10:23 amI am glad you have those around you to create great family. My wife and I both come from great family backgrounds so I don’t think a can quite fully comprehend what it would be like. However I am very glad that you can see pass the negative and create a different life for your children.
I pray that even with your family that it would grow in a positive direction.
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Comment by Orlund on November 27th, 2008 @ 1:29 pmThis is a really beautiful post, Angella, and you’re right, your family is so lovely.
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Comment by Assertagirl on November 27th, 2008 @ 7:49 pmYou gave me chills. Thanks for for wishing us Americans a happy T-Day. Hope you had a great day too Angella. Lovely post.
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Comment by Elaine on November 27th, 2008 @ 7:51 pmGreat post! It’s the second one I’ve read today on being thankful for the good and the bad…Something I’ve got to work on! Have a great weekend with Grandma and Grandpa!
Comment by Michele on November 27th, 2008 @ 10:34 pmYay for a happy ending! I’m thankful for your Foto Friday posts which I sent to Danny as they have given him some tips as he takes baby steps into photography (as a new hobby).
Random question - were you blond as a child? Or just Matthew? Just wondering if I could possibly have my own curly haired blond babies someday
I have curly brown hair (which was in a ‘fro during my early years & and I didn’t learn how to style it/use hair products until like 5 years ago!) and D was blond as a kid and had wavy hair (when he lets it grow a little).
I don’t have a big family. Even when my parents were together, neither sides are big families. But it has always been just right.
Plus, I lived far away from home for 10 years, which included 6 of those in California where I didn’t get to go home for the holidays because I had to work. But I was lucky enough to work with friends who became my family. And honestly, those are the holiday gatherings I miss the most.
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Comment by Kristabella on November 28th, 2008 @ 8:17 amBOTH of us had poker straight hair until we hit puberty. Now we’re drowning in curls. I hold out hope that if my kids’ hair is straight now, then it will be curly later
Love that photo of you guys
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I could feel the emotion you wrote with… I can feel the joy you have yet I can also feel the hope you had for something that is not. And can not be.
In reading this I thought of YOUR children. The ones that have this wonderful blessing of an intact, happy, loving family to grow up in and to always come back to. What a beautiful heritage you are creating for your three amazing children.
-Andrea
Comment by Andrea on November 28th, 2008 @ 11:04 pmGreat post. I appreciate that.
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Comment by pamela from the dayton time on December 1st, 2008 @ 12:52 pmAnd that may be the least coherent comment I’ve written in the history of commenting, but it has been one of those days. I will do better next time.
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Comment by pamela from the dayton time on December 1st, 2008 @ 12:53 pm
I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you, growing up with your family so … segregated. And as much as it still may be painful for you now, especially as you are all spread out and unable to get together for Christmas celebrations, you have a wonderful opportunity to build a NEW tradition with your family of 5. Your kids can have “the dream”. You can make that happen - and I know you ARE making that happen.
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Comment by Hannah on November 27th, 2008 @ 1:48 am