I haven’t been myself, lately.
I guess I could try to find comfort in the fact that I am an ever-growing and ever-changing being, as we all are, and so what do we deem as “normal”? The Me of today is not a carbon copy of the Me from last year and she sure as heck is nothing like the Me I was in grade nine.
The thing is, my life is changing. I thought that I knew the path I was on and I thought that I knew which direction I was headed in and those short two weeks were wonderful. I felt at peace and I didn’t have the low-grade nausea that happens when I am staring into the Unknown. But now I sit, spinning scenario after scenario through my mind and wondering which one is the one. The “possible” one, the “probable” one, the “likely” one. The “best” one?
I don’t know.
We never know, it’s true, but this is a bigger I Don’t Know.
I feel like I’m swimming in the middle between where I am now and where I will land. I’m doing the dog paddle in rough seas and I’m tired. So very, very tired. I know that a life raft will come – it always does – but it’s hard to remember that when you’re merely staying afloat.
I haven’t been myself, lately.
I miss Me. I hope to see her soon.
Awwww *hug* I know that feeling. What a relief to know that these things DO eventually break! I’m still waiting for mine to break too but I have faith that it will soon, so I’ll send some prayers your way too.
[Reply]
HUGS xxx
[Reply]
I know exactly where you are coming from dear. I’m missing me too.
[Reply]
I lost my teaching job last year (and got it back) but those months of uncertainty were so difficult to endure because I just felt so unsure not only of my professional “stuff” but of who I was. I’ve been there. I hope you find your Me-ness soon. Take good care.
[Reply]
Oh I know this feeling, man do I KNOW this feeling.
In fact, you and I are FB friends, my actual name, not my blog alias, and I saw when this was your status photo. I had to borrow the sentiment.
I think we are women who tend to handle change well and even embrace it, but the uncertainty can make us hightly uncomfortable.
All I can suggest is to think back to other times in your life when you felt this way. Ask yourself, was it a precurser to some really terrific path changes? How did you get back to you or did you just come back on her own?
And lastly, you seem to be a woman with many blessings. Your family, your passions, your environment. While those things are nothing to complain about, sometimes the very rightness of it all can be a bit unerving.
She’ll be back.
[Reply]
If it’s any consolation, it feels like the whole internet’s having a midlife crisis. I know for sure that I am.
[Reply]
Jenny Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Totally agree with Helen Jane. I’m also right there in the “spinning” place with you, Angella.
[Reply]
Word. And also, love you. I’m always here for a chat, lady. xo
[Reply]
Word.
And?
xoxoxoxoox
[Reply]
Hang in there honey, it will get sorted out.
Hugs!
xox
[Reply]
okay….. WOW.
you’re inspirationally awesome.
i love your rawness. your photos. your kindess. your ability to find beauty everwhere. the fact that even your unhappy always has such a happy upbeat to it…. your YOU.
[Reply]
Always keep in mind that summer will be here soon! And everything gets better during the summer!
[Reply]
Thinking of you, friend. Hugs. The bear kind.
[Reply]
Dude. You’re still on the same path. You’ve been in a nice forest-y part for a while and now as you walk along your path it’s getting lighter and the trees are thinning out and the scents in the air are changing, you just can’t quite see what you’re going to come out of the forest into.
I bet it’ll be nice, though.
[Reply]
*sigh* You’ll find her.
xoxo
[Reply]
Oh man, this sounds like such a hard stage to be in. I know you’ll find her and I hope it’s soon. I am always just an email/phone call away, you know. Love you.
[Reply]
Pingback: The Climb | Dutch Blitz