This past year has been an interesting one for me. It was good, it was bad, it was amazing, it was OK. There were far more many great things than not-so-great things, though the not-so-great things have a way of wiping out ten times their body weight. Overall, I came out ahead in the good vs. bad experiences but something was missing.
I was missing.
I mean, I’ve been here and I’ve been involved and I’ve engaged with my husband and my kids and my friends and the people in my life but a part of me felt like it was sitting back and taking it all in. Going back to work was a huge adjustment for me and it really knocked me onto my proverbial arse. I was no longer working from my kitchen table and I was missing out on so many conversations and experiences and photographs of my kids during their days and I just felt like a huge part of who I was had been taken away. Throw in trying to be everything to everyone while commuting and working and trying to make sure nothing got missed and I felt like I was doing the doggie paddle in the middle of a perfect storm.
In order to cope I just…floated. I did the bare minimum in some areas of my life in order to keep some semblance of balance. The main thing to suffer was my photography because anybody who knows anything about photography knows that it takes time. You need the time to decide what you want to shoot and what settings you are going to use and time to process your photos. If you want to grow and get better, you need to take time to learn – to read and to try and to look at others’ work and to participate in public forums and, well. I let all of that go. I did the same as I always did and while it wasn’t bad, it wasn’t great and I felt myself getting more and more frustrated. I would tell Matthew on a regular basis that that I felt “creatively constipated.”
Christmas break was good for me on so many levels, but one of the best parts was that I feel like the me I was missing somehow returned. I decided that I need to do my work responsibilities, yes, and I need to be invested in my family, yes, but that I also need time to do what I want to do for me in order to be a better person for them. I’ve been reading (photography books and fiction books and non-fiction books) and I’ve been writing in offline journals (also called: paper) and I have been doing tutorials and I’ve been learning the intricate details of my camera that I never bothered to before.
Heck, yesterday I even dusted off my Lensbaby Composer (which I hadn’t used in two years)(TWO YEARS) and went outside in the show storm that descended in the morning and just wouldn’t quit. I didn’t do it for any other reason than to just play.
It feels good to be back. I missed me.
Welcome back! I can relate a bit to what you are saying and I keep saying soon, soon I will have more time.
Today is the day!
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angella Reply:
February 9th, 2011 at 11:38 am
Carpe diem!
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Welcome back.
Also…the lensbaby composer photos always make me feel woozy. Not just yours but everyones. I have no idea why.
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angella Reply:
February 9th, 2011 at 11:39 am
I can see that. Which is probably why I don’t use it often.
I might have to crack out the other two lensbaby lenses I have…
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Glad your getting a chance to get back to you. Corey and I were just talking this weekend about how life gets so busy that parts of us seem to get shoved in the back of the closet. It’s just hard to schedule in time to sort the closet to find those parts to get back to them
And I read Domestic Extraordinaire’s comment and totally agree. Anytime I see photos like that I feel all spinny – this is said by the girl who gets barf sick on the Ferris wheel.
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angella Reply:
February 9th, 2011 at 11:40 am
Sorry to cause the spins! Hope you find some time for YOU.
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It’s nice to have you back, hope you’ll stay a while (forever?).
xox
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angella Reply:
February 9th, 2011 at 11:40 am
Well, since you asked…
xoxo
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Yay, welcome back! I’ve missed your photos … I mean, you’ve still posted photos of your kiddos and stuff, but I miss the “just because” photos. Like these ones. Love them!
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angella Reply:
February 9th, 2011 at 11:41 am
Thanks, you!
Just wait until spring comes. Woohoo!
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Yay for play! And thank-GOD we’re halfway though February. I don’t know about you, but I’m about DONE with winter. Pretty snowstorm to shoot, but how much better would spouting things in the garden be? Have fun being creative. Have fun being wonderful YOU!
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angella Reply:
February 9th, 2011 at 11:42 am
Thanks, lady.
And yes, I want SPRING and GREEN and OTHER COLOURS.
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That first photo makes me dizzy. LOVE the lantern.
I’ve been very out of touch with photography as well, and not just because it’s winter. So glad you got out and took some photoooooooooos!!
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angella Reply:
February 9th, 2011 at 11:42 am
Soon you’ll have a wee baby to photograph. I cannot WAIT to see those.
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I love your photographs. I posted recently that I’m learning more about my camera and trying to take better pics myself. Maybe you’ll share some tid bits with us when you have time? I hope so. You are very talented girl!
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angella Reply:
February 9th, 2011 at 11:44 am
Well, I am posting weekly over at The Bad Moms Club (http://thebadmomsclub.com/category/bad-101/bad-photography) but I guess I could write more over here, too.
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Such a good feeling to reconnect with that deep soul place. And when we do? We end up having even more to give out because we’ve refueled ourselves by listening to that deep voice within. Good for you!
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angella Reply:
February 9th, 2011 at 11:44 am
Well, I am inspired by YOU. You’re so good at reflecting on your life and making changes for the good.
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Eventually I will get around to learning how to actually use my camera. So excited for you that you are getting back to being, well, YOU.
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angella Reply:
February 9th, 2011 at 11:45 am
Thanks.
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Gorgeous moments, Angella.
peace,
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angella Reply:
February 9th, 2011 at 11:45 am
Thanks, Liz. And peace back atcha.
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Those are such wonderful photos. I love your art so much.
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I’m so! glad you’re making time for your photography (and other passions!) in your life. You are super talented, friend, and I for one love seeing the world through your metaphorical and literal lens.
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