Every year as December approaches, I get excited. Christmas is coming!
I start playing Christmas carols, doing Christmas shopping. My calendar is filled with events. Preschool outings, school productions, trips to visit family.
There are presents to be wrapped, cards to be mailed (And envelopes to be licked. Blech.) Throw in vomit and snot and a girl can get a little worn down.
In addition to the external stresses I always start to feel a little melancholy as Christmas Day approaches. I can never put my finger on what the under current is all about. I remember feeling the same back when I was a single girl living in Vancouver.
I was surrounded by pretty lights, a small tree, presents. Watching shows about beautiful families, commercials showing parents and their shiny, happy children. I felt so alone. Wishing for a family of my own.
I now have that family. A beautiful, shiny family. Thanks be to God.
I do not know why that shadow of sadness appears every year. I think it may be that the girl I was at twenty-three is still with me. Maybe she sees what I have now and comes to remind me of how much I longed for this ten years ago. How many nights I cried and asked God to give me my heart’s desire.
He answered. Loudly.
I was reminded of this last night as Honey and I headed out for a nice dinner with good friends. The day had been a long one, full of too many tasks crammed into too little time. I may or may not have slammed a few cupboard doors and muttered to myself under my breath. A night out was just what I needed.
We went to a nice restaurant, lit with pretty lights.
We had quality time with friends who we do not get to see near enough as this girl would like.
There was a cute couple at the table next to us. My Bah Humbug had left the building and I approached their table. I asked them if they would like me to take their photo, as it is my experience that there are never enough photos of nice nights out with the one you love. I promised them that I was not (completely) crazy. They took me up on the offer.
You don’t see them? They are invisible. Ha! That was the tree they stood in front of. I do not want to post their photo without their permission. But trust me; they were adorable.
The melancholy is still here, but subdued. I am choosing to use it as a reminder to be thankful for all that I have been blessed with.
Merry Christmas!
26 Comments
This is a crazy time of year…it seems like a lot of work, trust me I love it but….. now it is all coming to an end, it’s all most over.
Our family arrives today, yippee.
I sure wish we lived closer, missing you.
XXOO
Comment by jazz on December 23rd, 2007 @ 8:18 amMERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS my Dear Friend! Beautiful post to start the holiday season on:)
Comment by Randi on December 23rd, 2007 @ 9:50 amYou give hope to those of us who are still the single girls with no family of their own. Happy Christmas!
Comment by Robyn on December 23rd, 2007 @ 10:05 amAngela:
Merry Christmas to you and your family!!! I am like 53 posts behind or something with your blog, but oh well!!! I made myself swear off reading blogs for a while – I just couldn’t keep up with that and my “real life” obligations.
I understand the melancholy – I have a lot to be thankful for, but I’m still single (divorced) so sometimes I long for that perfect little family. However, I am thankful for my son and my parents and sister…a lot of people don’t have that.
Glad you guys got to enjoy a nice dinner. Have a wonderful Christmas.
Dana
Comment by Dama on December 23rd, 2007 @ 11:36 amMerry Merry Christmas to you and your gorgeous family!! I hope you have a wonderful peaceful Christmas and holiday season. And that the Bah Humbug has gone for good now! 
haha — I may or may not have been a little grumpy yesterday too — something about putting my hand in someone else’s poo — but anyways that was such a great evening. ( I should have had one more martini!) 
WE LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
Comment by Karen on December 23rd, 2007 @ 12:19 pmHave a great Christmas! Hope all is well….it’s a great post; a great reminder to slow down and reflect on life and all the good things it’s brought…
Comment by Holli on December 23rd, 2007 @ 12:35 pmI am the same way this time of year, usually for the week or two before Christmas, and I know why. It’s because the hours of daylight are so short this time of year. I always forget how much that affects me–mood, appetite, sleep–until it happens again. It’ll get better soon, now that the days are getting longer again. And Christmas itself usually snaps me most of the way out of it. I hope the same happens for you!
I found that melancholy creeps up in the holidays for me because I have these expectations of an AWESOME CHRISTMAS so even if it’s an OK one, I can feel disappointed. Ahwell.
I’m glad you got out for the perfect night.
I have a deep melancholy at Christmas, but that is hardly surprising, is it? I think it is a time where I become more acutely aware of disappointments and bitterness.
Still…
Even though it is there, it is also a deeply happy time as well. I love Christmas Eve with a lovely fierceness. It is my favorite night of the year and somehow it always manages to be a sweet, sweet time.
Comment by Loralee on December 23rd, 2007 @ 2:32 pmThanks for sharing. I’m usually a little melancholy this time of year as well. Hugs,
Victoria
I have to echo what Amanda Brown said, I just set up this perfect picture in my mind and it may be a totally achievable one, but there just aren’t enough hours in the day for me to achieve it. Add the colds, flus and other everyday tasks of childcare, oy. But like you found little things, like dinner with friends, make the bad days turn good and in retrospect, and photo editing, Christmas rocks!
Comment by Amanda Franks on December 23rd, 2007 @ 7:27 pmI started to feel the melancholy each year during the holidays after I graduated from college. I think it was because I worked in television and had to work each year during that time, so I didn’t get to spend much time with family. Plus, I was single and living alone so that made it even tougher.
The sadness subsided some after I got married, but these past couple years have been brutal. My husband is now working as an auditor and the time at the end of the year is busy with casinos wrapping up the year and plus it’s leading into the busy season for accountants and his time is consumed. I’m telecommuting and all alone much of the time.
It makes me grateful for all of these wonderful people online too though, because we are all reaching out to one another and sending each other love.
I am glad you got a nice evening out and I think that is so sweet that you offered to take that couple’s photo. We definitely don’t have many photos of us together and that is a very thoughtful gesture on your part.
Comment by Jill - GlossyVeneer on December 23rd, 2007 @ 8:16 pmI can totally relate to that melancholy feeling…I find myself getting so excited about Christmas, that when it is over, I can’t help but feel a little dissapointed. Hope you are feeling better and that you have the best Christmas ever!
Comment by Michele on December 23rd, 2007 @ 8:17 pmI sit here at the age of 24 and wish for the same thing you did – the love of my life and a young family of my own. You give me hope that my day will come Thanks!
Merry ho ho! and I hope Santa is good to you all
You deserve every bit of happiness you’ve gained. Karma, friend.
Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family.
Comment by Kristin on December 24th, 2007 @ 12:30 amHi Ange!
Merry Christmas Eve Day! Missing you. But also LOVING my time here in Lethbridge. I’m trying not to have too many expectations for fear of disappointment. I pray that your melancholy leaves and you your wold through heavenly eyes.
I just finished reading (I READ A WHOLE BOOK!!!) this amazing bool by Ted Dekker. My life for a split second came whirling into a perfect clarity. Wow. I can’t wait to get to heaven.
Anyways….Merry Christmas you guys!!!!
Comment by christy on December 24th, 2007 @ 6:59 amI MEANT to say..that you see your world through heavenly eyes.
I’m a bad typer.
it’s been like that for me this year. and the past few. it’s such a busy time of year. such an unhealthy time of year (so many people are sick…including me). a time with such high hopes an expectations.
we DO have so much to be thankful for, don’t we?
Merry CHristmas
Comment by Vicki on December 24th, 2007 @ 8:36 am
I love that you’re like that, so happy when you see someone else happy. Says so much about you.
Comment by She Likes Purple on December 23rd, 2007 @ 8:06 am