Canada and I would make beautiful babies together

Date: Monday February 25, 2008
Posted in: Blogging, Friends

*Edited*

I pretty much want to make out with Canada.

If you’re wondering who is writing about snogging and procreating with a country on a perfectly respectable blog such as this, my name is Loralee.

This is me.

I’m really much more excited to be here than I look.

I author “Loralee’s Looney Tunes”, and I am a huge fan of Angella. I suppose you could click and run away screaming with boredom at the sight of the words “Guest blogger” but I promise I’ll try to make you chuckle and I won’t swear. (The things I do for you, Angella!)

Where was I?

Oh, Canada! (Insert the much more singable tune of Canada’s National Anthem here. Get it? Pretty punny, eh? I know, I’m a dork.)

I seriously love Canada. (I also seriously love parenthanises. Sorry about that.)

I’ve visited my neighbors to the north about a half a dozen time and it just keeps going up in my estimation. I think my love affair with it started in the sixth grade because I love how they follow English spellings and add a “U” to their “O’s” (Like ‘Favourite’). I tried writing “Cheque” instead of “Check” on a spelling test and when my teacher was really over sensitive about it, I wrote all my words like “Colour” for about three months as a wee form of rebellion. Parent/teacher conferences pretty much ruined my maple leaf party for one.

Canada rocks the house in so many other areas.

For one?

MOUNTIES.

**I thought I had a free stock photo of a RCM, but despite good faith effort, it may not be the case. To be on the safe side, I removed the photo. So, just picture a totally good looking guy looking even MORE good looking because he is in a HAWT MOUNTIE UNIFORM.

‘Nuff said.

For another, it is just about the most gorgeous place on the planet. Vancouver is my favorite city, I think. It has everything: Mountains, architecture, culture, nature, GREAT Asian food, skiing, water and lovely air that doesn’t smell like pee, onions and “Human gaseous emissions” for want of a better term.

I won’t even go into my obsessive love about Maple Sugar/syrup/candy except to say that around the time Forest Gump came out, I visited and brought back a HUGE box of adorable maple leaf-shaped sugar candy for my sister.

I was so hungry on the plane ride I thought, “She won’t mind if I just have ONE.”

By the time I got to her house there were only three left.

All I could do is look at her, pull out my best “Tom Hanks as a humble idiot from Alabama” accent and say, “I ate some.”

I know a lot of the things I love about Canada may be “Cliche”, but dude! Cliche’s exist for a reason!

Who doesn’t love screaming “Red Ice!” at a hockey game? And who doesn’t love Sarah McLachlan and Mike Myers? And what self-respecting fan of cult classic 80’s films doesn’t love the movie, Strange Brew?

(You DON’T?! How could you not love that movie?!!! Take off, eh. You’re a hoser. Alright, fine….You can stay. But only if you bring me a jelly donut and some beer.)

And?

STAND UP IF YOU WANTED TO BE “MRS. GILBERT BLYTHE”!

Just admit it, you KNOW you did!

How could you not??!!

I mean, LOOK AT HIM!!

See?

Adorableness.

Except the photo is TOTALLY wrong.

There. That photo is MUCH better.

(You have a built in Foto Friday about “What NOT to do when Photoshopping” here, Angella. Two posts for one. I’m such a bargain.)

I think I have watched the first two Anne of Green Gables movies eleventyhundred times each. Gilbert Blythe alone would get Canada mega brownie points in my book. Jonathan Crombie was born to play that role.

The one time I visited Eastern Canada, I went to the Stratford Shakespearean Festival and saw him as Romeo in Romeo and Juliet. I about passed out and died from fan-stroke. He was so close he was practically sweating on me.

I still wonder if it would have been too unseemly to throw a pair of panties on stage during a classical theater performance.

Regret is sad.

Eventually, I realized that I would probably never get to be “Mrs. Gilbert Blythe” no matter how many times I doodled it into my Hello Kitty notebook.

Which sucks, because we would have made some totally rad offspring.

SEE?

“HAWT UTAH BLOGGER” PLUS “HAWT CANADIAN ACTOR”

EQUALS:

Hmm…Not so much, although I will say that if you cleaned up the photo, put a decent hairdo on it and toned down the pink lips, you would have a pretty decent male. Or if it’s a girl, just resign yourself to shaving or buying a LOT of Nair in your lifetime.

Since we’re talking about procreating with Hawt Canadians, let’s go with one of the Hawtiest.

I wonder what sort of awesomeness Angella and I would create?

Hmmm…

“HAWT UTAH BLOGGER” PLUS “HAWT CANADIAN BLOGGER”

EQUALS:

Well, I guess good genetics are no guarantee, after all.

Hopefully, Angella would get custody of this little darling. She has some freakishly discolored teeth going on there and dental care is much cheaper in the land to the north. I practically have to mortgage my home every time I take my family in to the dentist.

Now that we have covered the important things like candy and cute guys, I’ll wrap up by saying yet again that I heart Canada with the power of a thousand burning suns.

I wonder what it would be like if I procreated with a country?

“HAWT UTAH BLOGGER” PLUS “AWESOME COUNTRY FULL OF HAWT BLOGGERS”

EQUALS:

Dude.

I REALLY should have stopped when I was ahead.

I better sign off before that thing starts twisting her neck around, levitating a bed and barfing pea soup everywhere.

Sigh.

36 Comments

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[...] For the people that are too lazy to click over and missing a great party at the blog of my lovely Canadian friend, Angella: [...]

Comment by loraleeslooneytunes.com » I am guest blogging today and here is what I wroted. on February 25th, 2008 @ 2:24 am

Oh my gosh Loralee….you seriously have made me giggle this morning. Thank you for that……

Comment by Heidi on February 25th, 2008 @ 6:54 am

Loralee, that was a hilarious little anecdote you had going on there. And the last one? Made me pee my pants a little.

Thanks for the Monday morning laugh.

Kami’s last blog post..Bits and snips

Comment by Kami on February 25th, 2008 @ 7:11 am

Oh my word, you’re hilarious!

Thanks for guest posting for Angella!

And I too always wanted to be Mrs. Gilbert Blythe!!!!

Mrs. Wilson’s last blog post..Swaparooni!

Comment by Mrs. Wilson on February 25th, 2008 @ 7:18 am

Thank you, you three lovely people!

I’ve been conserned that I would totally frighten off Angella’s readers.

This post IS a bit on the odd side and it WAS 3 am when I posted, so I’m relieved for the peeps from you!

Loralee’s last blog post..Sideblog:Peep of the Week!

Comment by Loralee on February 25th, 2008 @ 9:10 am

Oh Loralee… I love you so much and was giddy when I saw you got to be one of the “elite guest bloggers” here. You touched on so many things I love and now I must go try to find Strange Brew and Anne of Green Gables.

Jill - GlossyVeneer’s last blog post..Vintner Grill

Comment by Jill - GlossyVeneer on February 25th, 2008 @ 9:28 am

Erm … is it a bad thing that I’m Canadian and I need you to explain why you scream “Red Ice!” at a hockey game?

hills’s last blog post..As Free As The Wind Blows As Free As The Grass Grows

Comment by hills on February 25th, 2008 @ 9:29 am

Hill’s:
I blame my Canadian ex-boyfriend who was a hockey player. It’s meant to enflame fighting on the ice.One punch or slip of a hockey stick and bam…red ice.

Terrible, I know.

loralee’s last blog post..Sideblog:Peep of the Week!

Comment by loralee on February 25th, 2008 @ 9:59 am

Hee! Thanks for a hilarious guest post. Totally made my Monday morning.

I too wanted to be Mrs. Gilbert Blythe. And still do. *swoon* Must watch Anne again. Truly one of the best Canadian movies ever made.

Sharon’s last blog post..Send some love my way!

Comment by Sharon on February 25th, 2008 @ 10:00 am

Too funny! I totally understand the sentiment. Good Americans love their northern neighbor/neighbour. I love NFL too much to migrate though…

Comment by Sara on February 25th, 2008 @ 10:31 am

Ha! You had me laughing, Loralee. I will be by your blog for sure. I must admit though, I totally wanted to be Mrs. Gilbert Blythe and your red hair would have gotten you farther than me “Carrots” - not a nice thing to say, I’m sure, but it’s all I could think of. Sigh, off to dream about Gil, then…

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Comment by Elizabeth on February 25th, 2008 @ 10:57 am

I have not laughed so much in AGES!!! Thank you, Loralee!

I share your love for Canada. I visited in 2006 and fell. in. love. Especially because they use metric like we do down here in New Zealand! And spell like we do down here in New Zealand! All hail the use of “u” in colour, flavour and Saviour!!!

And you can bet your bottom dollar that I wanted to marry Gilbert Blythe. Even before I saw him on my TV screen, and had only read the novel elventyhundred times, I had imagined him to be handsome beyond words. And I was right.

Hannah’s last blog post..A date with Ethan

Comment by Hannah on February 25th, 2008 @ 11:14 am

I’m pretty sure Disney owns the intellectual property rights to the image of the Mountie now…which brings up the issue:who/how can you sell an idea like that?? But that’s another issue
Thank you so much for your commentary on my loverly country! I’ll be swinging by to read your blog!

Comment by Meg on February 25th, 2008 @ 12:22 pm

OH, freak. I tried so hard to find what I thought was a free image. I will take it down just in case. I am uber sensitive about stealing images.

loralee’s last blog post..Sideblog:Peep of the Week!

Comment by loralee on February 25th, 2008 @ 12:31 pm

ah - it makes sense now
red ice … like yellow snow
gotcha

hills’s last blog post..As Free As The Wind Blows As Free As The Grass Grows

Comment by hills on February 25th, 2008 @ 12:42 pm

Oh, how I loved the Anne movies. You make a much hotter Mrs. Gilbert Blythe.

Now I want Marilla to make me some cherry cordial.

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Comment by Moose on February 25th, 2008 @ 12:54 pm

HEE! With my luck it would be the current wine instead of the cordial. Being an utter lightweight I would probably end up with a lampshade on my head dancing on Rachel Linds table.

loralee’s last blog post..Sideblog:Peep of the Week!

Comment by loralee on February 25th, 2008 @ 12:57 pm

That was great. It’s nice to know people other than us Canadians can feel the love.

Comment by Danica on February 25th, 2008 @ 1:33 pm

i (heart) canada as well…my mother’s from ontario. i totally get all the canuck jokes…

now if only it were a little warmer in canada. as if utah’s in the tropical zone or something…

Comment by jess on February 25th, 2008 @ 1:40 pm

I so so so wanted to be Mrs. Gilbert Blythe. I loved Anne.

Karen’s last blog post..Did you know that ?Sarah? means ?princess??

Comment by Karen on February 25th, 2008 @ 1:50 pm

I don’t know a girl alive that didn’t want to be Mrs. Gilbert Blythe….my best friend even went through a stint where she believed it was actually gonna happen. Good thing that passed, it would’ve been a little tough to convince her now husband to drive a horse drawn buggy to UBC everyday…

You totally crack me up, what a fab post!

Ashley’s last blog post..Please speak clearly into the tape recorder

Comment by Ashley on February 25th, 2008 @ 2:16 pm

Hi Loralee, you certainly made me laugh particularly the spelling part. If you love maple syrup you need to make a visit to Quebec - Old Montreal and Quebec City and of course the Eastern Townships. If you really want to see Mounties here you are but you wont find Dudley Doright!
http://www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca/about/index_e.htm Click on Musical Ride and you can get postcards.

Comment by Anne Marie on February 25th, 2008 @ 3:50 pm

You totally have me wanting something made with maple right now. It is one of my favourite all time flavours, maple syrup shooters anyone? Only a few more weeks until the trees are tapped!
About the mounties, I know a lot of people love them but having lived here my entire 30 years I have yet to see one dressed in the typical red uniform, isn’t that sad? I do see rcmp officers every day on horseback but never rockin the hot red jacket.
I’ll definitely be swinging by your blog.

Comment by Teej on February 25th, 2008 @ 4:04 pm

I can’t believe I get to finally get to say this:

I am your father, Luke. Give in to the dark side of the force, you knob.

The Over-Thinker’s last blog post..Now with more Air-Microphone

Comment by The Over-Thinker on February 25th, 2008 @ 4:28 pm

Another Mrs. Gilbert Blythe here! Now, just picture Mr. Gilbert Blythe as a mountie!!! I am, once again, reminded that I live in the greatest country! Thanks for filling in for Angella, it was a great post!

Comment by Michele on February 25th, 2008 @ 7:36 pm

Hands off, woman! Gilbert Blythe is all mine. I’m from NY, you know. I fight dirty.

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Comment by metalia on February 25th, 2008 @ 7:46 pm

Giggle… you’re funny, eh?

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Comment by Victoria on February 25th, 2008 @ 8:01 pm

Holy cow, I love Gilbert Blythe with a passion. In fact, I’ve been pushing to use the name Blythe for a girl. My husband keeps saying “no.” Pshh.

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Comment by Janssen on February 25th, 2008 @ 9:02 pm

Strange Brew is rad, indeed. As are you and your composite pictures.

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Comment by kerrianne on February 25th, 2008 @ 9:32 pm

There were SO many awesome things Canadian that I wanted to put in here (Especially musicians! DUDE, the Canadians are musically inclined), but I thought everyone would already die at how long it was.

I’m glad that so many other people share my love of Gilbert. He is all sorts of awesome.

I WILL say that I thought the third movie was so disappointing and wrong on so many levels. Did anyone else think this or did y’all like it?

Loralee’s last blog post..Sideblog: Itunes giveaway winner!

Comment by Loralee on February 25th, 2008 @ 9:35 pm

Hi, I’ve never read your blog, but I am SO starting today! I have never laughed OUT LOUD to any post, but I was giggling away. You are hilarious! Haha!
Nice post!
I am lucky I heart Canada AND I get live here, it’s fantastic!

Comment by Kaili on February 25th, 2008 @ 10:40 pm

“STAND UP IF YOU WANTED TO BE “MRS. GILBERT BLYTHE”! ”

MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!!!!!

I lived, breathed, ate, slept & LOVED the books & movies ~ I can’t wait to read them to my daughter!

I’ve wanted to move to Canada for the last 10 years … I just need a reason or a job or permission from some government person jagoff. Eh, sounds like a lot of work!

Bellamomma’s last blog post..Aiden, Berger & BIG ~ Carrie’s coming back!!!!

Comment by Bellamomma on February 25th, 2008 @ 11:54 pm

Did you forget Our Lady Peace? A nice little gift from Canada right there…

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Comment by K on February 27th, 2008 @ 4:57 am

I soooo wanted to be Mrs. Gilbert Blythe. I love me some Anne of Green Gables. But Gilbert Blythe…oh my.

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Comment by amanda on February 29th, 2008 @ 8:22 pm

THIS IS WHY I ASKED YOU TO POST!

This post had me giggling the whole way through.

I can. not. WAIT! to meet you in July.

xoxoxo

Comment by angella on March 2nd, 2008 @ 6:37 am

[...] awesome bloggity pal asked me to guest post in her stead (STILL one of my favorites, ever) and I’m listed on Alltop. Guess what, though? I wrote and [...]

Comment by loraleeslooneytunes.com » Hey, Jealousy. (Of the blogging kind, of course.) on July 7th, 2008 @ 1:42 am