But The Greatest Of These Is Love
Date: Tuesday March 18, 2008Posted in: Faith, Family, Photography, me
I feel beat up. Spent. But a fraction of my normal self.
Before I left for Mexico, I felt like I was comfortable about my bad self. I was in my groove, so to speak. I was learning, and growing, and being. I felt like a fully alive version of myself.
Then came Mexico.
I experienced an even fuller life experience. I was made aware of new things. Of myself, of my Honey. I felt like I might just be able to fly, if I really put my mind to it. That week was more than I had even hoped it could be. And then some.
Upon returning home I was sideswiped, utterly and completely. I went from a high like I had never had, to a low that I pray nobody has to go through. It was hard. Tearful. Sorrowful.
Heart. Wrenching.
In addition to this, we were dealing with fevers and ear infections. Once the kids got better, we got worse.
Honestly. WHAT IS THE DEAL?
I am a believer that all things work together for those who love God. And they will. One day. It is the getting there that sometimes wears on me.
I have felt sick. And tired. And uninspired. (I am a poet and didn’t know it.)
I am tired of being tired. Of feeling like I am merely treading water, instead of breaking water. Of making forward strokes. I cannot stay still forever.
Today, I took the kids (ALL THREE) to the grocery store. It was crazy. It was chatotic. But it was. not. numb. I felt like I was breaking free of the numbness.
I got home with the kids and decided to take joy in the little things.
Of jeans.
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(Ever have “fat days” (Like I had today?) - then take a photo from this angle. It does wonders.)
And shoes.
And hoodies.
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***
And of the ONLY foliage that is NOT brown.
I feel like I am a baby chick. Or a beautiful butterfly.
I have cracked the surface. I can see the brightness on the other side.
Now I just need to break out. And break free.
31 Comments
It must be partly the time of year, and how everyone is sick. I’ve been rather blue lately too, for a variety of reasons. I’ll be praying for both of us.
bethany actually’s last blog post..Too true
Comment by bethany actually on March 18th, 2008 @ 4:53 amthere is a lot of ‘blah’ going around. we’ll get through it.
Holly’s last blog post..Toss It Up Tuesday (6)
Comment by Holly on March 18th, 2008 @ 5:28 amI do believe that the darkest hour is just before dawn. Impending spring and Easter (resurrection) brings a lot of us to this place to be renewed. A lot of elder folk seem to die around this time. I think I’ll phone my Grammie now.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Ask witchypoo: 2012
Comment by witchypoo on March 18th, 2008 @ 6:09 amI’m glad you’ve found a way back to happiness.
sizzle’s last blog post..Lesson #1 Learned
Comment by sizzle on March 18th, 2008 @ 6:28 amI think it is the time of year… I have also felt the blahs…but it seems to be getting better now. Just have faith and keep praying. I love your photos….they are great… especially the one looking down at your feet…..
keep strong!!
Barb’s last blog post..St. Pattys celebrations
Comment by Barb on March 18th, 2008 @ 6:32 amThis time of year is so famous for being the fifth season - Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter, - Blahhhh. Once things start to really bloom and you are all feeling healthy again it’ll be amazing how much better you’ll feel. The sunshine, the fact that you live in every beautiful Summerland and hours spent taking photos of the kidlets outside will do wonders.
Still, be encouraged, we’re here, we all care and those of us that do are praying for you.
Ashley’s last blog post..A future little Chatter Box
Comment by Ashley on March 18th, 2008 @ 6:52 amI hope that little surface crack breaks wide open so you can be free and feel better. I’m sorry you’re experiencing such a bad case of the blahs. Keep taking note of those beautiful little things (like a hoodie on a precious little girl and little boys in their jeans - great textures on those!) and I’ll keep you in my thoughts. *HUGS*
Jill - GlossyVeneer’s last blog post..Before 30: Grow Tomatoes
Comment by Jill - GlossyVeneer on March 18th, 2008 @ 7:24 amNot to burst your bubble but, while we’re onthe subject did you know it takes 2/3 of a pound of pesticides to make one pair of jeans.
Glad you’re feeling a bit better.
Comment by Robyn on March 18th, 2008 @ 7:55 amThe dung you had thrown at you was quite stinky, it was bound to linger for awhile. I am glad you are starting to feel better and I am so sorry that you had to go through that.
Break free sister, you are an amazing woman and we, who know you, LOVE YOU!
BIG HUGS!
Kami’s last blog post..You know you have a problem when….
Comment by Kami on March 18th, 2008 @ 8:02 amHa - your comment about fat days made me laugh. Every time I blowdry my hair upside down I’m in awe at how skinny my hips/thighs look. Then I look in the mirror and realize it’s an illusion. sigh.
Hopefully there will be sunshine soon and it will help with the rejuvenation. Winter can’t last forever, right?
hills’s last blog post..Is Lump Fast Asleep Or Rockin’ Out With The Band?
Comment by hills on March 18th, 2008 @ 8:09 amJoy in the little things, is just what we need some days (or weeks, or months).
Peace and blessings, Angella.
Elizabeth’s last blog post..Confession
Comment by Elizabeth on March 18th, 2008 @ 8:56 amThe drudge of the every day can wear especially after a fabulously vibrant vacation. It is hard to get back into the routine. You see the flaws you left behind. But, the important thing is to savor the simple things in life like you are doing. I am trying to do the same thing. Saturday I wanted to spend the day spring cleaning when Hubs reminded me that there was a St. Patrick’s Day parade happening downtown. As much as our home needs the spring cleaning we packed up Little ‘Ny and headed to the parade. The house still needs the cleaning, but we had a spectacular family day.
Comment by Red Lotus Mama on March 18th, 2008 @ 9:18 amGosh. I know how you feel. Two weeks ago I posted a favourite quote of mine: “I am sick and tired of being sick and tired” by Fannie Lou Hamer.
A lovely blogger, Jan, of crazyladyonroad80.blogspot.com had this comment for me:
“So glad that you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Sometimes that’s just what we need. To come to the end and say “move over”, I am leaving you behind for something better.”
These words really lifted my spirit and affirmed how I was feeling: that I was ready to feel better! I think you seem ready to say ‘move over’ too. You’re ready for someting better and those pictures are a great start!
Keep it up. And don’t worry, Spring is around the corner.
Carolyn’s last blog post..it’s all about the cake.
Comment by Carolyn on March 18th, 2008 @ 9:21 amoh, i SO know. it’s a post vacation funk. i’m afraid i am right smack in the middle of my said funk. boo!
ali’s last blog post..what’s black and white and furry all over??
Comment by ali on March 18th, 2008 @ 10:20 amI start feeling the dark and dreariness whenever I finish with something wonderful—a trip, an event—something that includes a bunch of anticipation, and I come back down to earth and blech, blahssss….and you “CAME DOWN” with a vengence…full of sick kids, boogers and lots of sleep.
The darker the dark, the brighter the bright-and boy-howdy! You have a lot of brightness in your life.
(P.S. Thanks for the tip on the slimming shot. Consider it done.)
The Over-Thinker’s last blog post..Over-Thinker, will you marry me? (and my boyfriend)?
Comment by The Over-Thinker on March 18th, 2008 @ 10:27 amit HAS been a ridiculous season for sickness and blahs, hasn’t it?
Vicki’s last blog post..cousins part 2
Comment by Vicki on March 18th, 2008 @ 11:00 amI know the blahs well. Ahh, the joys of having SAD in Vancouver, where this winter has been especially blah-worthy.
Like many of the commentors, I’m looking forward to spring and summer, and am eagerly awaiting the many sunny, colour-filled days to come.
Sharon’s last blog post..European slideshow!
Comment by Sharon on March 18th, 2008 @ 12:07 pmIsn’t it funny that if we look down at our legs they’re thinner than they are in the mirror?
Weird.
Oh you are SO right about all things working for those who love Him. Even if we cannot see the good amidst the struggle.
Mrs. Wilson’s last blog post..What is and is to come
Comment by Mrs. Wilson on March 18th, 2008 @ 1:14 pmI have been feeling EXACTLY the same way! I actually spent part of my evening last Thursday in bed crying. It’s gotta be part of the weather.
I’ve just not been lucky enough to go to Mexico. 
Love the shots…especially the thinning leg one. I might have to try that for some inspiration!
Lisa’s last blog post..I’m no Martha Stewart…
Comment by Lisa on March 18th, 2008 @ 5:54 pmI hate that feeling you get after you are allowed to experience such a wonderful and uplifting time. It’s almost like coming down from some happy high.
I’m glad your starting to feel like you are breaking on through. We all go through this. I know I do!
Randi’s last blog post..I Feel Pretty?Oh So Pretty?
Comment by Randi on March 18th, 2008 @ 5:55 pmIt often seems like my highest highs are followed by a big, horrible CRASH back to earth.
That topped by sick suck??? GAH!
Poor, mite.
Have a Diet Coke. It’s on me. 
Loralee’s last blog post..Sideblog: Johnson’s & Johnson does not welcome babies at ?Camp Baby?
Sorry you are not having the greatest time right now. You will be in my prayers.
Kristin’s last blog post..Our weekend in Pictures.
Comment by Kristin on March 18th, 2008 @ 8:57 pmBlah sucks! trust me, I know…
BUT you have an amazing husband and 3 incredible kids that people should be jealous about.
so feel better soon
songsinblue’s last blog post..I swear it’s you
Thank you for reminding me to take joy in the little things…I need to focus on these things when nothing else seems to be going right. I will continue praying for you and your family! Hugs!!!
Comment by Michele on March 18th, 2008 @ 11:44 pmI’m so sorry that you’ve been feeling so weary and sideswiped Ang. I hope you continue to feel a little better. Bring on Spring!
Robyn’s last blog post..The ongoing adventures of Emily
Comment by Robyn on March 19th, 2008 @ 11:28 am[...] So. Yeah. You guys are awesome. [...]
Comment by Dutch Blitz » Swinging on March 20th, 2008 @ 12:03 amI have so been through this, both personally and with Dave. I too am just re birthing so to speak…..slowly.
Anna’s last blog post..Cracking up over eggs.
Comment by Anna on March 20th, 2008 @ 12:12 am[...] problem is, I have not been learning much. As I expressed the other day, I have been merely treading water. Not moving forward. I have started inching in the right [...]
Comment by Dutch Blitz » Destination Inspiration on March 21st, 2008 @ 12:19 am
Wow, I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling so bad! You haven’t really let that show in your blog posts. I know you talked about being sick, and having some emotional dung thrown at you, but the rest of your posts have made it seem like things are hunky dory. So sorry to hear they haven’t been.
I just wanted to say I’m praying for you. And that I’m here (well, thousands of miles away, but only an email away all the same) if you need me.
Love you!!!
Hannah’s last blog post..Our Saturday
Comment by Hannah on March 18th, 2008 @ 1:07 am