Comments on: Boys Will Be Boys?

By: Burn

Burn — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:30:42 +0000

Great post. As the father of a young son, I am a huge proponent of making him take responsibility and apologize for any destructive actions… and having him take corrective actions if possible.

However, sometimes when a little boy hits you in the head with a stick, you have to hit back. That doesn’t sound good, but I can’t come up with another way to articulate it.

I suppose that I can tell it like my mother taught me. Never start a fight. Always try to avoid physical confrontation. In my life, I think that I was in maybe three fights. A quote from my mother still stays with me. “Son, I never want you to start a fight, but I will want you to finish it.” I adhered to those words and it served me well.

Just my $.02

By: Dutch Blitz » Sticks And Stones

Dutch Blitz » Sticks And Stones — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 07:01:37 +0000

[...] had a comment this past weekend on my Boys Will Be Boys post. The commenter told me that by making my children say they were sorry, I was shaming them. [...]

By: angella

angella — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 22:23:39 +0000

It is not shaming them.

If I were to call them names and such, it is shaming them.

If I say, “Sweetie, you hurt this kid and he is crying. What should you say?”

They say sorry. Because that is what it means to respect others and it is my responsibility to teach my kids how to love and respect others. Which means teaching them to say sorry. By making them do so. And you know what? My children do it without me making them do so now – I just point out if someone is hurt.

(Which I may add is always by accident. My children are not hitters or fighters. Because I have taught them that that kind of behavior is unacceptable.)

The point of my post is that there are parents who COMPLETELY ignore a situation. They do not have their children apologize, nor do they apologize on their behalf. They shrug it off.

We will have to agree to disagree, I guess. But if you ever tell me that I am shaming my children? My back gets up. I do nothing but love, encourage and train my children in the way that they should go.

If your children only learn by watching you in action, and you have never had to correct them, you should consider yourself blessed. Most children need direct training.

My children watch me model behaviour AND I teach them to do the same.

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 22:06:11 +0000

I didn’t say you shouldn’t teach them manners or to say sorry…I said you should not MAKE them or force them to say it. As in…”Billy tell that boy you are sorry this instant.” That is shaming them.

I personally don’t have to have someone speak on MY behalf because I am an adult…kids will learn from parents gradually by watching them in action. I am content to model good manners not force them on my kids and yes I have 3 very well mannered and delightful kids who have decided to be mannerly by choice…not by mandate.

Tiffany’s last blog post..Beyond A Peanut

By: angella

angella — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 21:54:44 +0000

You shouldn’t make your children say sorry?

Then who is going to teach them? Society? HA!

Do *you* have people apologize on *your* behalf? Your friends, husband…your parents?

If you have children, it is your job to train your children to apologize when they say sorry. There is no shame involved. It is about teaching children to respect others.

“Manners should be learned over a period of time” is what you said. I agree – that is what I am teaching my children. MANNERS.

How else are you supposed to teach them, other than by, um, teaching them? Manners do not miraculously appear.

My children are highly respected in my community by friends and strangers alike, because I am teaching them how to respect others. I am guessing that you do not have children yet. I think you will understand what I (and those above) are saying once you have children of your own.

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 21:42:28 +0000

Maybe I am the only one but I don’t agree. You shouldn’t “make” your children say sorry. You can lead them by example so perhaps the mom should have gone and stood next to her son and apologized on his behalf therefore modeling remorse but to MAKE him apologize would be shaming him for something that could have been an accident and embarrassing him in front of other people by highlighting his apparent wrong doing. Shaming children is not an effective parenting tool. Manners should be learned over a period of time…not forced by parents to meet the societal expectations of others.

By: cchiovitti

cchiovitti — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 15:56:13 +0000

I’ve 3 girls and a boy and YUP! They’re just the same. No one in my household gets a free pass on anything just because of their gender. Amen!

By: Karen

Karen — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 00:53:29 +0000

I agree wholeheartedly with you! Too many people don't parent their children. Good for you and your husband! Karen's last blog post..WORDLESS WEDNESDAY - THIS YEAR'S COUNTRY HAM FESTIVAL

By: Heidi

Heidi — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 11:54:11 +0000

I am in such agreement it's scary. I have a very "boy's boy" but I refuse to just let that be the end of it. He is being taught to say, "please, thank you, and sorry," everyday. It is a little bit tougher to get him to slow down and think before he acts than it was with my daughter, but by golly he's going to do it. Heidi's last blog post..I love Giveaways

By: Octamom

Octamom — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 05:04:39 +0000

5 girls and 3 boys here–and while we glory in their differences and the unique predilections of their genders, we insist that the ethic is the same–that we are kind, that we are considerate of others, that we honor others’ feelings, that we avoid purposely hurting someone–and we have often had to allow some friendships to wane when some parents were not of like mindset, calling over-aggression ‘just a boy thing’, or cruel exclusion ‘just a girl thing’–when in reality, it’s ‘just a rude thing’–

Great post! Enjoying perusing your site!
Blessings!

Octamom’s last blog post..Dark Frugality….