Boys Will Be Boys?

It is no secret that I am the mother of two boys:

And a girl.

When people realize that I have two boys I often get comments as to how hard it must be.  Boys are feisty. Boys are rambunctious. Boys are loud.

I wholeheartedly agree.  But do you see that girl up there?  She is no different. She climbs on everything in sight. She wrestles with the boys.  She is loud.

My kids may be busy and active but they are also pretty decent little beings all around.  Almost every time we are out running errands a random stranger will come up to me and tell me how well-behaved my kids are.  There are exceptions, yes, but my kids are usually on their best behaviour when we are out in public.

Part of the reason is their inherent nature.  The other part of the reason is that Matthew and I parent them. We teach them please and thank you. We teach them to love each other. We teach them to say sorry. Part of the teaching is through words and the rest is through our actions. If I snap at them or accidentally bump into them I will say sorry.

If they have a bad attitude?

They need to say sorry.

If they purposely hurt someone?

They need to say sorry, usually after a time-out.

If they hurt someone by accident?

They need to say sorry.

There are cycles and phases where they seem to be in a good groove of co-existing, and then they will test us for a while to see if those same boundaries are there. Matthew and I need to be on our game all. the. time.

We will often get to the end of the day and be utterly and completely exhausted. This parenting gig is the hardest we have ever done. We tell ourselves that is worth it because we are rearing these kids in the way they should go. To be decent grown-ups who love and respect others and will in turn be loved and respected by others.

Our close friends are of the same parenting mindset, which makes play dates work well.  We laugh at the antics of preschoolers, and are quick to step in if there is a fight happening over toys.

The problem, we have found, is that there are a lot of parents who don’t, well, parent their children.

I remember being at a community centre last year and I saw this strange boy come barrelling by and hip-check Graham to the ground. Hard. On purpose. As I comforted Graham I looked up at his Mom who had witnessed the whole thing as well.  Her response:

“Boys, hey?  What can you do?”

EXCUSE ME?

I did not say anything but was pretty frustrated.  I teach my kids to apologize even if they hurt someone by accident.  Graham could not understand why the boy did not have to say sorry, and I did not know what to tell him.

Then last week we were at a park where there were a lot of kids running around that we did not know. I was dealing with Emily and heard Nathan start to wail. He was holding his head and said that a boy had hit him with a stick. Neither the Mom nor I had witnessed it, so I said to her what I usually do in those situations (to prevent defensiveness).  I said that it was probably an accident, fully expecting her to have her son say sorry (like I would have mine do).

She said, “Boys will be boys. They play rough.”

*Blink, blink*

My son is holding the side of his head and crying, AND YOU THINK THAT’S OK???

Again, I bit my tongue. It is not my place to force my parenting ideals on others, but it makes me sad to think that people think it is COMPLETELY OK FOR THEIR KIDS TO ATTACK OTHER KIDS.

We are entrusted to raise these boys to be men. I want mine to grow to be strong but not violent, to be tough yet sensitive, to be confident but not arrogant.  I may not do a perfect job of it but I am giving my best effort.

Maybe I am completely off-base (it’s been known to happen), but I think if more people learned to say sorry the world would be a better place.