I, as reigning monarch of this house (Her Royal Highness, Princess of Wails*), hereby decree the peons under my care will no longer utter the following words:
1. Mine
Until you hold a job, all items in this house are technically MINE. What about gifts from others, you ask? They wouldn’t have given them to you if I hadn’t pushed your giant head out of a small opening during your birth. That trumps everything. Ask Daddy. He’ll concur.
2. No
In situations such as my request that you “Please stop beating each other.â€
3. Yes
In situations such as my telling you that “No, you cannot have Christmas baking for breakfast.â€
4. But
As in, “But you are.†See the trumping mentioned in #1.
5. Stop
There are two situations where this is banned.
a) If I stay “stopâ€, the appropriate response is NOT “No, YOU stop.â€
b) When I’m doing you the favour of changing your dirty diaper and wiping your bum. You are welcome to drop your load in the toilet at ANY TIME. I will still have to wipe for you, yes, but at least it won’t be spread over the entire surface of your butt cheeks.
6. Mommy
It can be used once. All subsequent uses are not allowed. I.e., “Mommy! (Allowed) MOMMY!!! MOOOOMMMMMMMMYYY!!!!!! (Not allowed). I don’t like having my name used in vain.
This list may be changed at any time, and without warning. You don’t think that’s fair? See trumping mentioned in #1.
* Not a typo. Think about it.
21 Comments
Haha, you’re funny (although I feel kind of bad getting enjoyment out of your expressions of frustration).
I’ll definitely remember this list for when I start to push giant heads out of a very small opening…
Comment by Julie G on December 13th, 2006 @ 10:28 amAw. Having a rough day, are we?
Stop. No, you stop.
Comment by reddirtroad on December 13th, 2006 @ 10:35 amHAHAHA!! Hilarious! “No YOU stop!” I died laughing. You poor thing!
Comment by Kiki on December 13th, 2006 @ 10:50 amAngella, I can totally relate. Except for the diaper changes that is. I am almost ready to post very similar rules in this house. One of mine would be, Just because you protest the loudest does NOT mean you will get your own way. The whining, oh the whining!
Comment by Heidi on December 13th, 2006 @ 11:08 amTo Her Royal Highness Princess of Wails,
We in the Causley Realm are impressed with your decree and propose to impose a similar one edict without delay. Long may your reign last! 
I hear yeah there!!! and I only have one, pretty soon you’ll be having three whining, I feel for you!
Comment by Kacie on December 13th, 2006 @ 2:35 pmYour stories, even though maybe not so funny to you at all times, always make me laugh! Thanks for sharing your stories of your wonderful kids!
Comment by Tracy on December 13th, 2006 @ 4:38 pmBahaha that’s awesome. My Mom still has rules like that (minus the whole poop thing of course, we’re all way past potty trained). haahaha
Fantastic post.
I’m so glad that there are other toddlers out there that tell their parents “no YOU stop/go/sit still/etc etc…” like they think they’re the boss. Sounds just like our 2 year old. Thanks for the laugh! 
Angella- you are a riot. Seriously. You need to have your own newspaper or magazine column.
Comment by kelly on December 13th, 2006 @ 7:45 pmThat was the first time I laughed out loud while reading a post. So good.
Comment by Amanda Franks on December 13th, 2006 @ 10:39 pmIt is kind of getting crazy out there…as you say!
You seem to be more a principessa- similar to the one from the movie La Vita e Bella- than Her Royal Highness Princess of Wails.
The rules, tough, are draconic- from a child point of view.
Just great lines…
Awesome…I’ll have to post that list on my fridge when my kid get’s bigger.
Hilarious.
Comment by bitetherabbit on December 14th, 2006 @ 7:46 amI’m gonna use those rules in my house too!
I also am Queen of Wails in this neck of the woods, a title I would GLADLY relinquish
As a coping tool, if your decree is not heard or adhered to in a (reasonably) timely fashion, I suggest you step up in your monarchy to name thyself Her Royal Highness, Queen of Denial.
Comment by Vicki on December 14th, 2006 @ 12:43 pmI’m feelin’ ya. Grace got in the most trouble ever tonight and went to bed an hour and a half early to protect my sanity and her lifespan.
Comment by Danica Grunert on December 14th, 2006 @ 7:29 pm
Having a good day?
Those rules seem simple and completely reasonable. Good luck enforcing them.
Comment by Jen on December 13th, 2006 @ 10:05 am