An Open Letter To People Who Speak Without Thinking
Date: Tuesday September 26, 2006Posted in: Pregnancy
To all of the complete and utter STRANGERS who feel the need to make judgmental comments about my pregnancy/growing family/whatever else you can think of:
It has come to my attention that you are lacking in basic social skills, so I am attempting to help you understand how you are a complete idiot, in the hopes that you can become a better person. I’m nice like that.
First of all, I am a pregnant woman. Since you apparently weren’t paying attention in Biology 11 (or to life in general), pregnancy equals hormones. Many, many hormones. Pregnancy hormones are to PMS hormones what a hurricane is to a mild rain shower. And the hurricane days are the GOOD days. Don’t get me started on the bad days.
Secondly, pregnant women are generally exhausted. Sleep is elusive due to a big belly and loosening joints, and if you have other kids, it just gets compounded.
The sum of those two things equals an especially sensitive woman. Again, that’s on a good day. The bad days are beyond your comprehension.
When you decide to strike up a conversation with any pregnant woman, it would be wise to think about what is about to come spewing out of your mouth. Another lesson that you neglected to learn was, If You Can’t Say Anything Nice, Don’t Say Anything At All. You might want to write that one down and carry it around with you.
I’ll be kind enough to give you some examples of things not to say to a pregnant woman. The list is not an exhaustive one, but should help you on your path to recovery.
“You are going to have your hands full!” (Point to my two boys) “I mean, looks like you already do, but it will only get worse!”
Hmmm…I see that you have no children. So, of course, that would make you an expert in what life with three kids will be like.
“You really shouldn’t drink Diet Coke you know. It’s not good for you.”
Oh of course I know that. I should drop my occasional Diet Coke, because it’s so much worse than those CIGARS you are purchasing. Maybe I’ll start smoking cigars instead.
“So, you don’t know what you’re having? It would have been good to find out, because if you have a boy you’ll be pretty disappointed.”
You are so right. If I have a boy I will weep incessantly for months on end. Whatever will I do? I know. I’ll trade up for a girl.
I hope the examples above helped you. As you can probably tell from the tone of my letter, I’m a little hormonal. And today is a “good” day. Lucky for you it’s not a bad one.
Peace out.
16 Comments
People do like to speak without thinking, myself included.
You ARE going to be busy with 3, but won’t you just LOVE it. Especially if it’s 3 boys - after you are done weeping for weeks about the precious little MALE person God graced you with of course!
Spinach isn’t good for us lately either. I think diet coke is safer - less chance of Ecoli 
I think the cigars might make you sick - stick with the diet coke!
Brilliant, Angella! You really did make me chuckle with your fabulous answers to those questions!!
Okay, here is my take on those things:
1) Umm, when you are a mother you are soooo busy that adding another baby to the mix isn’t going to make that much difference, LOL!! You’ve been through it all before and this time you’ll have 2 little helpers!!
2) We all know that Diet Coke is waaaay better for you than ordinary Coke, so you’ve made a great choice right there!
3) I think having 3 boys would be fantastic!! It will save you money, that’s for sure! They can share clothes, toys and hobbies. And if you have a girl, she will have the best protective big brothers in the world!
“It would have been good to find out [the sex], because if you have a boy you’ll be pretty disappointed.”
Not only is that stupid, it’s irrelevant. It’s not like if you find out early that it’s a boy you can change your mind and try again. Duh.
Comment by Leah on September 26th, 2006 @ 2:55 pmWow. Don’t I know what you are talking about. ALL those things happened to me (diet coke was C2, though). Now I have the fortune of hearing…wow, three girls:
and either of these
a) that ms three weddings, better save up
b) your husband must be disappointed he didn’t get a boy
c) better stop at three or you’ll have another girl
I have a little inner dialogue of my own going on. Thanks for reminding me that some people just suck.
Comment by Vicki on September 26th, 2006 @ 3:30 pmPS. I’m going for twin girls next time. I REALLY want my hands full and I love all the comments. After that, maybe a female puppy:)
Comment by Vicki on September 26th, 2006 @ 3:34 pmSigh.. aren’t we lucky that God has given us children… and a sense of humour! Love ya!
Comment by Elizabeth on September 26th, 2006 @ 7:39 pmOh dear. Nevermind them. Really. We are the readers that matter.
Comment by reddirtroad on September 26th, 2006 @ 10:51 pmCan you imagine the comments i got with being preg.and having 5 boys in tow?! Apparently i have a special place in Heaven for “putting up with’ 6 boys.
Comment by joyce on September 27th, 2006 @ 8:14 amNext time someone talks rudely to you just punch them in the kisser. Works everytime.
Comment by christy on September 27th, 2006 @ 8:36 amMan, I could write a 10 page post about the dumb things people have said to me regarding my parenting. Your post was hilarious. The inner dialogue was primo.
Comment by Danica Grunert on October 1st, 2006 @ 2:46 pmVery funny…I may be male, but to be in “your shoes”, I can imagine how others react on what they saw about you. I stumbled onto your blog page while I was at a parenting site (I was helping my brother on handling his 6-year old son). I don’t know we should be more polite or politically correct (well to put it in a sarcastic way), but people will tell you many things you may or not know, then we mind our manners and don’t comment on your size. In my opinion, pregnant women are beautiful and attrative, as well a feminine quality. Of course, you’re married so I won’t bother (LoL, can’t wait til I get a wife and kids). Congrats on the new baby boy 
But does it matter what gender is the baby…as long it’s healthy, it’s something to be thanful of. Too bad my bro’s ex-girlfriend left when my nephew was 8 mos. old. I’m glad he’s an attentive father, while the mother wasn’t suitable to raise him…and his uncle and “grandma” loves him too 
Good luck and have a good time (at least when you’re busy raising a family, but a nice thing to say). +
Another thing: did anyone came up to you and ask to rub your belly? I feel it may be cute to share, but rude and unwanted by any stranger to approach you like that. I don’t understand why some pregnant women just allow touching or wear very short shirts/skirts to exhibit a large bare belly. Oh well, it’s their choice, but it would embarrass most in that condition in public. Remember we mind our manners and easy to follow: don’t touch people, period. I had female friends (and male friends’ wives) allow me to feel a movin, kickin and rollin baby, but by permission and confidence as between friends. But I can’t wait to hold a baby in my arms like anyone by asking the parents, of course.+
Comment by Michael on October 24th, 2006 @ 6:48 pmOh! Oh! *waving hands* - you forgot the stereotypical old-used-up ones.
1. “You haven’t figured out what causes this yet?” - usually by a male 55 or older.
2. “Building a team?”
3. “So, is this going to be your last?”
4. “Catholic?”
5. “Mormon?”
6. “Protestant!!!!? Really? Oh … well, um … okay.”
7. “Ever heard of birth control?” - sarcastic boys (yes, boys) 20 and under
8. “Got twins in there?” - To which I ALWAYS respond, “Nope, just fat.”
Funny - and yes, in agreement with this:
“Pregnancy hormones are to PMS hormones what a hurricane is to a mild rain shower.”
I love, love, love the inner dialogue you have, (at least I assume you’ve never actually said those things). I am such a filter person so I think all the same things and never say them. It’s fun to know I’m not the only one. With all the new moms/pregnant women who frequent this blog chain we should get together and write an etiquette book. Then a web site where pregnant women can come and ask us to mail copies to the insensitive folks anonymously. I think it would be a good hormonal outlet. Only a few weeks left of the ‘insensitive pregnancy comments’, and then we get to join the world of ‘let me tell you how to parent’ comments! I hope this last bit continues to be filled of hormones and humor for you. Although I must say I’m about out of the humor…..lol.
Comment by Amanda Franks on September 26th, 2006 @ 11:52 am