I have been back at the office (I should call it The Office because oh, the hilarity I would share if I could) “full-time” for a month now. “Full-time” is in quotes because during the first four weeks I was back I went to Portland and then to California and have only worked one five-day week. That week was awesome. Or, exhausting. Same difference.
My work life is chugging along pretty smoothly. I’m back in an environment that I’ve floated in and out of for the past nine years and am working with people who have known me for that amount of time. That in itself is fantastic. These people have been in my life since I was a newlywed without children and have been there as our family of two has morphed into a family of five.
Switching from the education side of accounting back to the public practice side means that I am dusting off areas of my brain that have been in hibernation for a long time. While there are many moments where I surprise myself with intelligent things spouting forth from my mouth, there are an almost equal amount of time where I feel like the pistons in my brain are misfiring and my cranial matter may need a tune-up. Possibly, a complete engine re-build.
These colleagues of mine are not very web-savvy. The students may very well be but there are ten or so of them and a month later I only know ONE of their names (Because I am awesome) and, so. I have no idea if they are Farmville Facebookers or kids with a lot more knowledge of the Internet. As for the folks I’ve known for almost a decade, they seem to be pretty stereotypical accountants for the most part. They all have email, a few have iPhones, but one of them keeps referring to “The ‘Net” and it takes all of my strength not to laugh out loud. Another colleague (and his wife) are Facebook friends of mine and as such, know about D to the B. Last year, when I returned to work part-time for tax season, he asked if I would be writing about work. No. NEVER.
I mean, I guess I am posting about work but in a generic, “It’s all about me” tone, as opposed to sharing office gossip. I’m not stupid.
The one thing that has been on the forefront of my brain this week is trying to reconcile the Angella I am here and the Angella that I am in the office. I have nothing to hide, here, but the thought of everyone in the office reading my site kind of skeeves me out a little. Those young students (whose names will forever (it seems) elude me) could very well have Googled me on Day One and be reading each and every post. If so, um, HI. (SO AWKWARD.)
This past week I had a number of co-workers ask me how I have so many friends in California. I’ve tried a number of responses that are not lying, per se, but are not as forthcoming as, “I have a BLOG” because I CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE THAT CONVERSATION. Here are a few exchanges that occurred this week:
We went to college together.
“You went to college in the States? Where?”
(I actually do have friends from California who I met at college here in Canada. So, not a total lie.)
***
I met them at a writing conference.
*Blink, blink* “What kind of writing?”
*Blink, blink*
***
I haven’t figured out the correct response to the question and know that “I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you” won’t fly.
I threw it out on Twitter and had some good responses but I hate to lie and I know it will all come out eventually and, shoot. I hate to be in the place where I’m wondering who knows what about me and what they are thinking about me when I am interacting with them. I am in no way ashamed of anything that I write here – it is the exact opposite. This is my space where I get to be me and tell my own stories and keep a record and be part of a community and, well. I don’t now if I’d be who I am today or if I’d have done all that I have creatively if it were not for my little corner of the Internet.
Despite all of that I wondered if maybe I needed to shut down this space. Maybe it doesn’t fit the “professional” life. Maybe, instead of melding the two sides of me together, I needed to say goodbye to Dutch Blitz and be a business-type woman who doesn’t share anything personal. Maybe that would be the best course of action as one who is a “professional”.
Truth be told, I cannot give it up. I need this space like I need air. It is where I turn when I want to write about the good, the bad, the awesome, the ugly. To cut this off would be both ridiculous and detrimental to my mental health. I just need to figure out how to reconcile my two worlds. Do I make every effort to keep it a “secret”? (Quotes necessary, because if you Google my name, BAM! There I am.)(I’m a poet and didn’t know it.) Or do I just be straightforward and tell people that I have a website and give them my URL (*Cringes*)?
Until I figure it out, maybe I’ll just tell them that I’m a secret agent. Or a Ninja.
It’s no secret that I love my friends with the same wild abandon that I love my family and my life. I pray for them, I listen to them, I root for them. I will do anything for them, save anything that is just ridiculously insane such as drinking Diet Pepsi instead of Diet Coke. I have standards, people.
I have managed to be showered with the greatest friends a girl could ever hope for. Their personalities and histories vary wildly but there is one thing that they all have in common: They are Good People. Not only that, the majority of them will make you laugh so hard that your stomach hurts and you have tears streaming out of your eyes.
My friend Tamara is one of those people. The double blessing here is that she lives a mere five minutes away, as opposed to those friends I have to fly to other countries to see.
Tamara doesn’t have a blog (Well, she did, twice, then blew them up), but you may recognize her from the many times I have posted photos of nights out with her and Amanda.
(Me (Duh), Amanda, Tamara)
Now Tamara has gone and done something that I am SO PROUD OF HER for. She has a passion for fashion and beauty products and went ahead and started an online boutique.
You can find it here: http://www.lacoquetteboutique.ca/
All prices are in Canadian dollars, but she will ship to the U.S. as well (You lucky Americans and your stronger dollar). Shipping is FREE for orders over $50. She also includes FREE SAMPLES. Not only that, 2% of her profits go to Sleeping Children Around The World.
Oh! She’s also doing a contest for February - everyone who places an order (over $25) is entered to win a $50 gift certificate at the end of the month.
I told you she was awesome.
When she first told us about her dream I told her that I would use my little corner of the Internet to point people her way. “Use my power (Ha!) for good.” She had said that she’d give me a gift certificate to give away to my lucky readers but then she went and gave me a gift certificate for my birthday and I didn’t want her giving everything away.
So, a plan was born. I told her that once she had all of her stock in, I would host a giveaway and pay her gift forward. One lucky reader of this here site is going to have $50.00 to spend at La Coquette Coutique. Plus, I’ll cover the shipping for Tamara. FIFTY BONES, dudes.
I know that you’re “supposed to” tell your readers to Tweet/Facebook/etc. the contest to drive traffic your way, but meh. I don’t want some drive-by swag hag winning something that I want to give to those of you come by here faithfully. By all means, tell your friends about La Coquette Boutique (and the contest if you want) because I want her to have exposure. It’s not about me.
How do you enter to win? It’s really easy:
1. Click on over to La Coquette Boutique and have a look around.
2. Leave a comment below and tell me what you would spend your $50.00 on.
I plan on spending mine on the Patina eye shadow from Kevin Aucoin (MAC was SOLD OUT of a similar shade when I went there last week. Your loss, MAC) and I want to try this mascara from Blinc.
I’ll keep the contest open until Sunday, February 7th, at 9pm PST.
What are you waiting for? Go check it out and enter below. Good luck!
It was mentioned to me this past weekend that my voice changes when I talk about my kids. My” love shines through”. Or something. Not only that, I apparently have a different voice when talking about of each of my children. This makes sense, seeing as there are three of them and they are three different personalities.
It was thrown out that Miss Emily is my favorite. I have to confess that she really, truly is. She is my favorite (and only) girl. She and I have something that I do not have with the boys. Just as Graham and I have something that we do not share with Nathan and Emily. Just as Nathan and I have something that we do not share with Graham and Emily.
Three kids, three relationships, three reasons that I both laugh and cry a ridiculous amount during each day.
That girl of mine is also the baby. She gets an extra star for that position because there will never be another baby. She is my only girl, my only baby. This girl loves to dance and to sing. (She’ll sing about her day, the last song she heard, what we had for dinner…)
Enough talk. Just watch this:
She’s the cutest thing ever.
I’m sitting here feeling pretty much identical to how I felt last year while trying to sum up my California experience. Travel days aside, I had three full days of, well, awesome. Each day could be a post (or two) in itself but even then I’d miss explaining what made it so amazing. If you are a Flickr friend you may have seen the little blurbs attached to the photos and already have an idea of what I am talking about. I’m going to follow last year’s wrap-up technique of sharing some photos, talking a bit about them and then using my personal journal to capture the rest of it for myself.
First off I just want to state for the record that I love Southern California. I’ve loved it for as long as I can remember. Yes, there are many reasons that people have for hating it but I think there are infinitely more reasons to love it. There’s the sun, the sand, the ocean, the vibe. Each and every time I’ve come here my heart starts to smile the moment the plane starts its descent. I think I could be perfectly happy living here but I also love my home and community beyond belief, so. I’ll just have to settle for visiting here when the opportunity arises.
I got in on Thursday night and took a shuttle to casa Secret Agent Josephine. She was kind enough to save me some supper as LAX has nowhere to buy food on the arrivals level. What is up with that? Anyway, Brenda and I sat side by side on the couch both catching up and playing on dueling laptops. She introduced me to Unhappy Hipsters (Ha!) and The Oatmeal (I love the “How to Suck at Facebook” one. It’s funny because it’s true.) In the midst of this I notice that Kerri Anne was online – she’s in Beijing! We talked about what our respective times were and she said the best quote ever: “Dag, yo. This is awesome. I’m IN THE FUTURE.”
On Friday morning, Brenda, Bug and I meandered down to the small beach that’s carved out of the cliffs. We sat on the lifeguard tower, pulled out our respective moleskins and did some journaling. I kind of love the illustration she did of me.
We met up with Sarah and Wito, jetted to the mall for some Barnes & Noble time and lunch. I spent the afternoon with Sarah (Talking about anything and everything, and) teaching her the manual settings on her camera. I’m excited to see what she does with it.
That night we managed to sneak away without her boys for a dinner out together.
I just love her.
Saturday was a little less jam-packed, which was a nice break. I don’t sleep well (in general, or) when I’m away from home and I only managed to get a sum total of ten hours of sleep between Thursday and Friday nights. I spent Saturday morning sitting in the sun at a Starbucks and reading my book. Sir Danny picked me up for a belated birthday lunch and to present me with my belated birthday present.
If you know Danny at all, then you know that he started working at Oakley at the beginning of January. One of the (many) perks of his job is that he gets a limited number of sunglasses for FREE. Since I’m his Internet BFF and all of that, he asked me if I wanted a pair of said Oakleys. Kerri helped me pick out a set that (we thought) suited me when I was in Portland and I sent off my order. I’ve only ever bought cheap shades and now know why people cough up money for the brand name ones. They are the best. Sunglasses. EVER. He and I picked up our lunch from some deli and went and sat down at Laguna beach. Warm sunshine, cute puppies galore and great chats with my buddy. He’s just one more example that I really do have the raddest friends on the planet.
Saturday night was the dinner with everyone else. Brenda had to babysit but we had a great turnout of some fantastic people.
Rebecca, Sarah and Lisa.
Brandon and Danny.
Lena and Yvonne. Yvonne took some pretty awesome photos of the night.
Sunday was spent driving down to Oceanside to meet Bethany, Annalie and Jen for lunch and to sit on the beach for awhile. The evening was spent lounging on Sarah’s couch and playing Words With Friends against each other while watching the Grammys and realizing how old we truly are. I’d post more photos of the weekend but my brain is fried so I will kindly direct you to the Flickr set.
Monday was a full day of travel (I left her house at 7 a.m. and got home at 7 p.m.) but I am finally home. It’s fun to go away but it’s always so much better to be home. My family is a part of me and there were many times over the weekend where I physically ached…and a few times where I possibly cried. Sigh.
That’s all I’ve got, folks. It was a high level summary but I think you get the general idea. The rest of it will have to remain tucked inside of my heart for those days where I need a little bit of sunshine.
I feel like I have spent a lot of time (The term “waxing poetic” comes to mind but then I started to wonder what it actually means. I have waxed certain body parts and there is absolutely nothing poetic about it. Besides, the term doesn’t quite fit, so) writing about all of my mixed emotions with me returning to work full-time in an office. I miss out on ten hours a day of home life while my husband holds it all together. Upon my arrival home we have dinner, make lunches for the next day, get homework done, watch American Idol. I am engaged from the minute I get home until the moment the kids are laying there with those imaginary “Zzzzzz’s” above their heads.
Our weekends are full to the brim with togetherness. I wanted to give Matthew a break from parenting on Saturday so that he could have some time to get stuff done. I ended up carting them around for NINE HOURS between groceries, ballet, a trip to the mall (We lived to tell about it!) and a trip to my friend’s home salon to get my hair done. Sunday consisted of church and hosting some family members for dinner. We’ve been immersed in togetherness over here. While the weekends are a little, shall we say, chaotic they are good and fun and a good balance to the weekdays where I’m gone during the day.
The “working mom” guilt has eased up a bit. The kids are adjusting to me being gone and I’m getting used to my new routine. They’re still super excited when I walk in the door but leaving in the morning has been a little less heart wrenching. We’re getting into the groove of it all. This means, of course, that I have to go and throw a wrench into the works.
If you’ve been around here for any length of time, you know that I abhor winter with the fierceness normally reserved for things like social injustice or skinny jeans. Last winter was a particularly long one and my husband ordered me to get myself down to California to soak up some sun. I did, and we all had such a great time that we decided to make Desperate Bloggers an annual event. I booked my plane tickets months ago…long before I knew I would be returning to work full-time at the office.
I’ve been vacillating between sheer excitement to see (the sun, and) my friends and feeling like a Bad Mom for going away for the weekend. Thankfully for me, I have a husband who will more than fill my void when I’m gone and who has told me to GO and HAVE FUN. Heck, he even told me to treat myself to a hotel for half of my stay (The other two nights will be split between couches belonging to Sarah and Brenda) so that I could have some alone time. He pointed out that I will soon be working overtime and have no plans to go away again until New York (for BlogHer) in August. He’s also planning a few snowmobiling weekends away, which means that we’ll be even on the solo-parenting front.
So, I’m going to go on my trip (Today!) without any guilt. I’m going to miss my family terribly, yes, but I’m also going enjoy just being me for a couple of days. I’m going to soak up the sun, take hundreds of photos and spend time with some particularly rad people. Then I’ll return home refreshed and ready to jump back into this (hectic, yet) fabulous life with my family.
Have a great weekend, folks. I know I’m sure going to.
As I mentioned the other day, my Dad was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) last month. He has had an aching pain on the left side of his chest and had lost a bit of muscle mass. He was sent for a bunch of specialized tests and based on the symptoms and markers, he received that awful diagnosis. He was booked for a second opinion with his doctor’s “mentor” but second opinions are required under BC Medical when the diagnosis is of a terminal nature. We’ve all been hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. The symptoms and markers don’t lie, you know? Plus, his appointment was at G.F. Strong, which is a rehabilitation center.
Today, my Dad had his second opinion appointment. The doctor performed a bunch of tests, looked at his chart, and then stated something along the lines of…
“I don’t want to paint the other Doctor in a bad light, but none of these symptoms and markers that he documented in your file are there. You’ve have lost some muscle mass, but the muscle strength is fine and you have none of the markers. We can rule out ALS.”
MY DAD DOES NOT HAVE ALS.
He still has that nagging discomfort and reduced muscle mass on his left side, so he has to go for a few tests to rule out heart problems. If it’s not his heart, it may be some pinched nerves. PINCHED NERVES.
Cynics may deduce that the other doctor is an idiot but from what I understand he’s well-respected. I also know that last month my Dad had the symptoms and markers of ALS and now, he does not. I firmly believe that this is a result of the prayers, thoughts, wishes, vibes and SHAZAM thrown at him by you guys and so many others. I think we’ve just witnessed a miracle here, my friends. Thanks for being a part of it.
God is bigger than ALS, indeed.
When Matthew and I decided to have a third child, we did so only because we knew we needed one more to complete our family. Having two boys of our own and three nephews on his side of the family with nary a girl in sight, we were expecting that we would add another boy to our den. While not “trying” for a girl, I would be lying if I said that I did not hope for a girl. I cannot fathom not wanting someone of your own gender, wired similar to you, to help to balance out the Lego and the Wrestling and the TESTOSTERONE. When people would ask about the situation I would do my best to give reasons why another boy would be so rad: We already had the clothes! The baby would have two Big Dudes to show him the way! I wouldn’t have to deal with a TEENAGE GIRL.
Of course, as soon as the doctor and nurse screamed, “IT’S A GIRL!!!” I flung my trepidation out the window. With her being three I have yet to deal with the social issues that are so inherent with being a girl. The rejection by people who you thought were your friends who then turn on you, the unrequited love (At thirteen, OH EM GEE), the hormones that turn even the most compliant child (Me) into a being that needs to take a long walk off of a short pier.
One of the things I love to do is watch my girl dance. This is only her first year and she is merely three but she really does love to do ballet. I sit there, enraptured, while shooting (at least) eighty-seven photos in thirty minutes. There’s just something about a girl in a bodysuit and tutu that grabs your heart, hugs it, and then sets it flying.
Another highlight of watching Emily in her class is watching how she and Amanda’s daughter Avelyn interact with each other. Whenever the music stops they look for each other and stand side by side. This past weekend they took the cuteness up a notch. They started telling secrets.
Hey, Avelyn. I have something to tell you. My parents are away this weekend and I plan on throwing a party.
I have a crush on Jonah. Do you think that he’ll come to the party?
Oh, totally. Do you think he’ll bring his hot friend Sam?
OF COURSE. Why WOULDN’T he?
We’re in this together, my friend. Let’s make it happen.
OK. Amanda and I (obviously) had no idea what they were whispering to each other but we were equally enamored by how adorable they were with the whispering. The party talk can wait until they are twenty. Riiiiiight.
The neat thing about this interchange is that I was reminded about the good part of growing up as a girl. There are dolls to be played with and friends to eat Sour Patch Kids with and trips to the movie theater and sleepovers where no sleep actually happens and school crushes that make you crazy and stupid fights with friends about those stupid boys and slow dances at the school with those same stupid boys and…
And.
She is only three but she seems like she’s five and while a large part of me misses the baby another part of me is excited to become a little girl again, whenever she needs me to be one.
