Making Me Smile

Thanks so much for your comments, emails and DM’s. January is a tough month for a lot of you, too. It’s also the month that most relationships break up. True story. Matthew and I are fine, though we’ve both had a horrible case of The Januarys (Januaries?) and we’re kind of DONE with this blasted month. Today is a new day, and better yet, it’s a GOOD day. By 9:30 a.m. I’d: worked out, done two loads of laundry, cleaned three bathrooms and unloaded/loaded the dishwasher. None of this moping around business.

I didn’t want to leave that dreary post up over the weekend, so I thought I’d balance it out with things that make me smile.

Graham, aka He Who Loves To Read/Write/Build, signed up for the basketball team. He had his very first game on Wednesday.

Day 25: Something I made. A future NBA star! Well, maybe. The son who usually prefers reading/writing/building signed up for basketball. Today is his very first game! #janphotoaday

WHERE DID MY BABY GO?

Emily drew me this picture (hover to read the story behind it).

Emily drew me a picture. Her: "Do you know what the small trees are? They're the ones that are far away. The pond (upper right) is far away too." Me: "Did you learn that at school?" Her: "No, I just figured it out." #depthperception #smartgirl

She’s my little artiste.

These tea cups I got for my birthday.

Three of my girls (@jdykstra, @tlbraam, and @vrogall) bought me tea cups. Love.

I feel so FANCY.

My bi-weekly girls’ night with Emily while the boys are at Spudz.

It's the bi-weekly boys' club, which means it's the bi-weekly girls' night with Emily. This includes a monstrous bucket of popcorn, a movie, and our butts firmly planted on the couch. (Emily's movie choice tonight was Barbie: The Diamond Castle.)(She's OK

I read while she watched her Barbie movie, and then we watched Enchanted. Love.

A few non-photo-related things that make me smile:

What’s making you smile?

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The Dark Side

Day 17: Water. It's not exactly beach weather.

I’ve talked a lot this fall and winter about how I thought I had finally beaten the S.A.D. monster. I ramped up my vitamins, I’m exercising at least five days a week, and we’ve taken up skiing. That, there, has been HUGE. Being above the clouds, in the sunshine and fresh air, exercising (my demons) all day long. Throw in a birthday weekend full of happy kids, good food, and beautiful friends, and I thought I had January beat.

Then Monday came along.

(Cue DJ, scratching a needle across a record and then, complete silence.)

I hit a perfect storm on Monday morning which saw me crashing from the birthday high, with a nauseous stomach that wasn’t stress-related, complete with a number of things on my mind that are stress-related, and trying to battle this after a horrible nights’ sleep. I got the kids to school, crawled back into bed, and thought that I’d wake up with a bit of clarity. I thought wrong.

I woke up, still nauseous but at a manageable level, and read for a bit. I made my way downstairs, had some tea and a snack, and thought I’d do some work. I opened my laptop and just … blinked. For minutes. Maybe I should read some more? I read for another hour or so, sat back in front of my laptop and found myself physically unable to do anything. I had never felt this way before. I always have thirty (thousand) things to do and idle time is not something that happens often, if ever. My reading time is grabbed in small portions as we drive up to the ski hill or a few moments before bed or while waiting for an appointment. If I have hours alone, I will work or edit/upload photos, or write, or just DO something. I was home alone, I didn’t have my head in the toilet, and here I was feeling like my arms were dead weights and my head was a London fog.

I read some more. I tried to work/write/engage in some way a few times, but every time I hit a wall.

I can’t do this.

I felt powerless, which made me equal parts frustrated and apathetic. I talked to Matthew and told him how I was feeling. About how sad I was feeling, too, which is the sum of some things I can’t talk about yet and a hundred other things. He told me that it’s OK to have bad days, and it’s OK to have sad days. And then I cried.

The afternoon got better, especially once the kids were home, but I felt quiet. I still feel quiet. I haven’t felt as I did Monday morning, and I hope I don’t again, because that was a first for me and I didn’t like it. I can’t even blame any of it on raging female hormones, which made it all the more odd for me.

I hope that it was January’s last attempt to get me down and while she succeeded for a day (or three), I’d appreciate it if she exited quietly. I have a life to live.

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Sunshine On A Snowy Day

When I was a kid, I kind of hated having a January birthday. January is a pretty word/name, but the month itself is kind of … meh. The fun and happy and excitement of Christmas and all of the other December holidays have left town and you’re left with grey skies and grey moods and a special kind of bleakness. Having your birthday mere weeks after Christmas can be disappointing as a kid, because I would generally get what I wanted for Christmas and then for my birthday, I had no new ideas. I envied my sister and her July birthday, because she got a deposit of Awesome halfway through the year.

I’m not a kid anymore. Obviously.

I don’t hate January like I used to. I have a December baby and I, like most people, think that having a December baby is not the ideal. The thing is, we were just happy to have a baby. And my December baby, right now, loves having his birthday close to Christmas. Don’t spoil it for him, okay?

Back to January.

It’s a hard month for many. I think that God has a good sense of humor and kind of plans stuff. (That was me being eloquent.)

I love to plan and host parties. Love, love, LOVE. I may get a little bit (or a lot) crazy in the midst of pulling all of the pieces together but I thrive on it. I buzz and I zoom and I flap my arms and my entire body vibrates. Having a son with a December birthday so close to Christmas means that we have his “friend party” in January. We’ve spent many Saturdays skiing, so this past weekend saw his party and my birthday collide. If you know us at all, you know that we’d have it no other way. We can sleep when we’re dead. Or something.

Friday night saw us out for dinner with two of our closest friends, and another friend who was in town to speak at a conference at our church – he married us! – and it was so great. There’s just something about friends that you’ve known forever.

Saturday was … busy.

We hosted Graham’s “friend” birthday party on Saturday. We (they) waited for friends to arrive.

Waiting for the birthday party guests to arrive.

There was a bunch of sledding involved, in our backyard/forest.

The birthday/sledding party is in full effect.
I made a cake for Graham, and decorated it this way, because I cannot decorate with frosting.

I can cook, and I can bake, but I cannot decorate with frosting. I can, however, do this. (It's Graham's "friend birthday party" today.)

I hosted a girls’ night in for my birthday, which had a wine/appetizer theme. I wore this.
I'm wearing my red dress tonight. Because, well, why not? #birthdaypalooza

I got to spend many hours with the prettiest ladies on the planet.

I have the prettiest friends. #birthdaypalooza

January isn’t so bad.

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Thoughts On Thirty-Seven

It’s my birthday tomorrow.

*Cue the fanfare and a ticker-tape parade*

I’m kidding. But only a little bit. Birthdays for me have always been a big! huge! deal! It’s MY DAY. And if it’s your birthday, it is also a big! huge! deal! It’s YOUR DAY. Truth be told, I often stretch my “day” into a good week of celebrations. I had lunch with coworkers today, I’m going out for a nice dinner tomorrow with Matthew and another couple, and I’m having a “girls’ night in” (wine and appies) with my besties on Saturday night. Then next weekend, Matthew and I are going to a concert. (Jars of Clay!)

I like celebrating, is what I’m saying. What I don’t like, especially this year, is the number on the calendar.

37

I mean, look at it. It just looks old, like it should be hanging by one rusted screw on a wartime house. I know that it’s not old, and that I may not have even lived half of my life yet — God willing — but I still feel like I’m twenty. The mirror, however, sets me straight. The “laugh lines” around my eyes, that deep number eleven between my eyebrows, the loss of elasticity … everywhere. Oh, and the grey hair that I’ve been coloring since my early twenties. OH! And that GREY HAIR I FOUND IN MY EYEBROWS.

I don’t mean to sound vain, because I’m truly not, but I know people who were grandmothers at the age of thirty-seven. Yes, really.

That all said, I don’t beat myself up too much about aging because, hey! There’s nothing I can do about it! And (SPOILER ALERT) neither can you! And, to quote a family friend I talked to this week, getting older is far better than being dead.

There is also a lot that I like/love about being thirty-seven:

  • I am married to the perfect man for me, and not do I only love him, I like him.
  • My kids are the funnest! age! ever! We’re in the eye of the storm between toddler tantrums and teenage angst and it really is the best stage (so far).
  • I think that I’m a pretty great Mom. I’m not perfect, no, but I’m comfortable and confident and think that I have these three (and they have me) for a reason.
  • I take good care of my body. I spent almost twenty-five years not knowing how to eat healthy or exercise. I attend boot camp, I run, I do crazy workout DVDs, I SKI. I also eat more protein and vegetables and less pasta and rice than I did fifteen years ago.
  • I know what clothes look good on me (v-neck tops, A-line skirts, dresses) and what clothes don’t (turtlenecks, skinny jeans). I’m also not afraid to try a new style and possibly even like it on me.
  • We live in a home that we love, in a community we adore, with the best friends and a great church family. I couldn’t imagine being any happier living any place else.
  • I have a good sense of where I came from and a pretty good idea of where I’m going.
  • I know who is worth my time, and who is not.
  • I know what makes me content creatively, and I know what things I want to try next.

I feel really good in this space I’m in — you know, aside from the sagging skin, grey hair and face crevasses — and above all of that, I think this is going to be a great year for not only me, but for my family. I’m happy. Really happy. Which is good, considering it’s my birthday.

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In The Clouds

It's a BEAUTIFUL day up here above the clouds. #apex

As I mentioned last week, Matthew and I took the kids out of school to spend a week at my boss’s cabin at the local ski hill. We had looked into going on a tropical vacation but the cost for the five of us was a little more than we could swallow. Instead, we decided to spend the week honing our newly acquired ski skills and that’s what we did all of last week. How was it? AMAZING. Also, EXHAUSTING.

The days were a good rhythm of routine. Get up, wake up, take the dogs for a walk (me), get our ski gear on. Do two or three runs in the morning, come back for lunch, take the dogs for a walk (Matthew). Do a few more runs, then Matthew sitting with the tired kids (Graham and Emily) while I did a run with the Sporto (Nathan), then me taking G & E back to the cabin while Sr. Sporto (Matthew) and Nathan did a couple of more runs. Take the dogs for a hike in the forest (Matthew)(the rest of us went twice), make dinner (me), start watching the Harry Potter movies for the first time (all of us). Put the kids to bed, have alone time (Matthew and I).

The only variation to this routine was Tuesday. Tuesday! Monday is usually the bad guy, but Tuesday wanted a turn. Monday was PERFECT. Sunny skies, no wind, a temperature just above zero (or freezing)(36 (?) if you’re American). See the photo at the top. We tried a new run called the Grandfather’s trail, which is an easy run that winds all of the way around the mountain. It was a great run to practice turning (Or, for my kids, bombing down while doing the “pizza”) and we had a fantastic day.

On Tuesday morning, we woke up to wind gusts. I took the dogs for a walk and cut it short because furious winds in my face are not something I equate with “enjoyable.” We headed to the hill, like the newbies we are, and I found myself — she who already clenches every time she gets on a chair lift (It’s so HIGH) — finding said chair being blown about. We made it to the top and the wind whipped snow every which way but loose and all three kids were teary/crying. I was green and felt like I might lose my cookies. We made a plan to get down as fast as we could and then head back to the cabin to wait it out. We made it, chilled to the bone despite our good gear, and sat in the cabin for a few hours. We headed back in the afternoon and took the lift on the other side of the hill. Much better, and we managed to get a few runs in.

Tuesday wasn’t my favorite.

The rest of our week was my favorite but, oh. Skiing full days, five days in a row is a little hard on the body. And yet, we fulfilled our promise to do Friday night tubing with the kids. They spin you! Down a big hill! And you laugh/scream!

About to be spun down the hill. #apex

That lasted for about an hour and then the kids said what I was thinking.

Can we be DONE? I want to go HOME.

That’s exactly what we did. We drove home, put the kids to bed, unpacked the necessities, and then my body waved the white flag and shut down. We had a great week, and are excited to back up to the hill as soon as we can, but my poor (old) body needs to rest up first.

Exhaustion aside, I’m still smiling from our week. My kids, who were so frustrated on their first day of lessons, can ski. And, after spending the first three days doing the “pizza” (snowplowing), they finally heeded their Mom’s advice to practice their turns. Jr. Sporto would shadow Sr. Sporto and Graham and Emily would shadow me. I am so, so proud of them for sticking it out during their lessons, and for how they are so excited to keep learning and getting better (more lessons are booked for spring break).

Best vacation EVER (so far).

More photos from the week:

Taking the doggies for a walk in the forest, half expecting the White Witch to appear. #apex
True confession: I looooove skiing but I haaaaaate riding on the chair lift. I clench the entire time. The views are worth it, though. #apex

Graham and Emily wanted a rest, so it's just Nathan and I on the Whipsaw #apex

Last run of the day/week. Photo credit: Nathan.

I love this part of the Whipsaw. So pretty. #apex

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